How do you fight complacency?

Every one of us gets complacent in one area of life or the other. Complacency can lead to failure and crisis.

Complacency is a function of seriousness and awareness.

Low seriousness and low awareness is the cause of many problems- I am not serious about my fitness and I am unaware of my weight, as I don't monitor it. I am also careless about the food I eat and I am unaware of the consequences of eating such food. I am in the Zone of the Complacent

Low seriousness and High awareness: As things deteriorate and I get overweight, I am aware of my condition, but I am still not serious about it. I let things happen to me and the result is, I am well on my way to obesity. I am in the Zone of the Paralyzed.

High seriousness and Low awareness: As people begin to make fun of me and I begin to feel the after effects of obesity, I decide to get serious and now want to reduce my weight. At this stage my awareness suddenly dips to a new low, as I do not know which exercise to choose from and how to exercise.

In the event, I choose to exercise after consulting a doctor, say going for a brisk walk, I may still fail to monitor my weight as weeks go by. I live in a Zone of Illusion, thinking that I am taking appropriate steps to reduce my weight, but actually I am not getting any results.

High seriousness and High awareness. I am now aware that I took exercise for granted and it is not yielding any results. I decide to continue exercising and begin to monitor my weight. I also begin to do some form of dieting. This brings me results! I am in the Zone of Results.

I am happy now but if I am not careful, I can go back to the complacency zone; I can feel content by my small progress and regain my weight back or as I continue to exercise, I suddenly realize that I am stagnating as no further weight reduction is happening. Now I need to get to the next level of seriousness and awareness, as I have to explore and learn new exercises and get more in depth knowledge of my diet options. The journey continues...

Once I reach my ideal weight, I need to get my seriousness and awareness to a whole new dimension in order to succeed to maintain that weight. I need to seriously consider changing my lifestyle for good.

The Complacency-Results Matrix* is a powerful matrix that can be applied to many areas of life.

Try it out and enjoy the great feeling of being in the results zone consistently.

*© Muralidharan jayaram

Is the world full of average people?

Last evening I went for a walk, as a part of my routine, to get some exercise. As I walked, I saw a group of people watching TV in an apartment. They were all glued to their TV set. This triggered a thought in me of how many people waste their time, in front of their television, watching meaningless programs.

As I thought more and more, my reflection bought me to a fundamental question: Is the world filled with average people?; I don't know, may be it is, but what I do know is what makes people average. Let me list for you some of the characteristics that could make you and I an average person:

"Average" portrait

You are average,
If you work only for your wage,

You are average,
If you don't get out of your cage,

You are average,
If you can't read beyond a page,

You are average,
If you pollute your mind with garbage,

You are average,
If you always fear the stage,

You are average,
If you can't control your rage,

You are average,
If you don't strive to be a sage,

You are average,
If you don't give life its due weight age,

You are average,
If you choose just to wait and age.*

I am sure we can add a lot more to the list. Being average is a choice many people make. Some people live their entire lives with that choice, a few others break out of the pack to reach the heights beyond their dreams.

It is important to be aware of this choice to be average, by examining our lives thoroughly. For most of us, the choice was made unconsciously. Examining this choice and changing it is an important internal work we need to do.

If we don't do this important internal work and change our choice, we will miss out on our opportunity to contribute meaningfully to this world we are living in.



*© Muralidharan Jayaram

Do you turn a prince into a frog?

We were shopping in a mall and I saw a couple, so lovingly, buying clothes for their children. The mall was filled with kids of different ages-infants to teenagers. Seeing all of them, I began to wonder what is in store for them, when they grow up.

I remember the time, when I left home at the age of 19 and went to another town for a job. In the first week itself, a customer behaved very rudely to me. I remember going back to my room, missing my home and parents and suddenly realizing how safe and filled with love my home was, in stark contrast with the crude and rude world outside.

All responsible parents raises their children with lots of love and care. Children are treated as princes and princesses and pampered with a balance of discipline. The result is they grow up with a lot of self-esteem and are ready to face the world.

However, there are parents who are irresponsible and raise their children as frogs, ill treating them. These children grow up with poor self-esteem and are poorly equipped to face the world.

When I meet people, I search for the prince or the frog hidden in them. Nowadays, I am more and more aware that the person in front of me is a result of the loving efforts of his parents. I am careful in my interactions with him because I don't want to turn this prince into a frog, by deriding him and lowering his self-esteem.

Similarly, I don't want to turn a frog into a tadpole, rather I would like to turn him into a prince, hopefully.

What about you? Do you turn princes into frogs often?

Think about it while you are interacting with the next person you meet after reading this post.

Look Ma no hands!

I was watching a kid go round and round on his cycle. Slowly, as he gained confidence, he screamed with joy, “Mummy, Mummy- Look!", for he had taken his hands off the handle of the cycle; He and the machine had become one. I am sure that this boy, like most of us, will continue to exhibit this behavior of trying to impress others for the rest of his life.

Right from childhood, we want to impress and gain approval of others who matter to us. As years go by, people get substituted or added while we pursue to meet our need for approval.

As you look back, you may be surprised, as I did, to observe that the list of people who you want to impress has changed over a period of time. Moreover, many of them are not there with you anymore, either they have moved away or you have.

However, there is one person who has always been with you and will always be with you; That person is no other than you. As I thought in these lines, I suddenly realized, how little effort I take, day in day out, to try to impress myself.

I decided to do the following:

Bring excellence in everything I do that will impress me first before anyone else is impressed

Dress in a manner that I look into the mirror and say Wow! before anyone else says WOW!

Put in every effort to contribute to others and say thank you before anyone else says thank you

What about you? When was the last time you did something in such a manner that you yourself were impressed, before anyone else was?

The more genuinely you try to impress yourself and succeed in wholesome areas of your life, the easier it will be for you to get others to say WOW! Even if they don’t appreciate what you have done, you still have the one person who will be at your side always that is you.

In this complex, high stress, multitasking world of today, you need first yourself by your side, more than anyone else; And impressing, gaining approval and confidence of this important person will be the primary determining factor for your success in all areas of your life.

How are you utilizing the resources you already possess?

How are you utilizing the resources you have? Have you explored them thouroughly?

I have a lot of gadgets which I am not utilizing to their fullest potential. My Palm Treo, I use it more as a phone and to store data, rather than as a full fledged digital assistant.

My Nikon D 80 SLR camera has many features I don't even understand, leave alone use. I have a TV and I find myself watching it at random, rather than exploring and watching meaningful programs. I have an Adobe photoshop software which I have still not used, not even once.

Recently, I asked my colleague to practice his presentation in front of his camcorder. He said, "Wow! that's a great idea and I wonder why it never occured to me" and I thought to myself that there are others too in the same "club" I am in and that made me feel slightly better.

If we really look around, we have a lot of resources which we can put to use, but we never do.

I have decided to examine each gadget, software, and any other resource I have and really ponder, as to, how I can utilize it to its fullest potential.

It is one thing to possess a resource, but totally another thing to utilize them to its fullest potential. Recently my daugther searched in her college library for hours for a Corporate Strategy book which we already had at home.

The decision to explore a resource, we possess fully and to utilize it to its fullest potential, in our defined context, can make a world of difference to our quality of life.

What about you? How well are you utilizing your resources?

How do you handle conflict?

Conflicts are inevitable in our daily lives. How many of us realize that our quality of life depends on the way we handle conflicts. There are many ways people handle conflict;

The common mistakes I observe, day in day out, are:

1. Do nothing-allow conflicts to pile up one above the other
2. Wait for the "last straw on the camel's back" and explode
3. Withdraw completely and give the silent treatment to the other person
4. Be unreasonable and unwilling to listen to the other's view point
5. Play the blame game
6. Crush and suppress the other person because you are taller or stronger or elder or you have some kind of authority on him/her
7. Say mean and hurtful things which you actually don't mean
8. Bottle up your hurt for hours, days, weeks, months, years or the entire lifetime
9. Not make the first move to resolve the conflict and wait for the other person to take the initiative
10. Show your anger on someone else
11. Try to solve the conflict in the heat of the moment, instead of waiting for more saner times
12. Labeling each other in a hurtful manner

It is important to handle conflict and resolve it at the earliest. Ability to bring the conflict out in the open, listen to each other deeply, with respect, acknowledge the mistakes on both sides, apologize and be willing to forget and forgive is crucial to having a good quality of life.

In case you are making any of the mistakes mentioned above, it is time to stop them now.

Invariably, your willingness to make the first move to reach out and resolve the conflict will be your first step towards resolving it.

Do you have someone with whom you have had a major conflict? Make that first move, be patient and invest in the process of conflict resolution, and try your best to resolve it.

You may be surprised by the results because in many cases the conflict may get resolved much quicker than you think.

Buy this book by Tim Ursiny and you will be able to handle conflict bravely. Here is the link to the book!

The Coward's Guide to Conflict: Empowering Solutions for Those Who Would Rather Run Than Fight

Do you send people to the "School of Hard Knocks"?

When a person consistently commits errors or exhibits attitudinal tantrums, or is disloyal to you and betrays you, what do you do with him/her?

It is very important to know your options and also to know how and when to use the various options. It is also important to understand which options are dysfunctional and should be avoided totally.

Let's examine the various options you have:

1. Plot to teach him/her a lesson
2. Pick up a fight
3. Critique
4. Send him/her to the "School of Hard Knocks"

Plotting against the person and finding ways and means to fix him/her, in such a manner that he/she will be shocked into learning a lesson, is a very dysfunctional approach. The pitfalls in this approach is that your plan may misfire or the lesson they will pick up will be the wrong one and, over and above all this, it could damage relationship permanently.

In this approach, you are playing games and this can trigger the other person responding in a similar fashion.

Picking up a fight, again is dysfunctional, as it may not achieve what you want and may worsen the situation.

The choice between the options critique (the best option) and the "School of hard knocks" depends on the situation, context and the amount of trust between you and the person involved.

You can use critique, if trust levels are high or after you build trust levels high enough;Here you will openly discuss about the dysfunctional behaviour and its impact on you and others and will negotiate an appropriate action plan with the person to help him/her avoid such a behaviour in the future; This is a problem solving approach.

What if, after all your interventions, the person still continues to err or he/she doesn't care enough to make an effort to change or he/she has character flaws and is duplicitous and opportunistic?

In such a situation you need to take steps to protect yourself/your colleagues/co workers/team members/ family/organization or anyone the person's behaviour may impact negatively; You can let go (for the time being?) and send him/her to the "School of Hard Knocks"

School of Hard Knocks is the most painful school in the world; This is where "students" are punished;This is where "students" go to suffer and learn, through experiences they have brought onto themselves, by the consequences of their behaviour. Experience is the best teacher and hopefully, they will learn.

While they are in the School of Hard knocks, you may choose to ease their pain, because you are compassionate, by being there for them or chose to completely ignore them.

The choice is, always, yours!

Do you critique or do you judge? Do you label people?

My wife and I decided to completely stop judging others for a period of one month, to start with. We also decided that we will monitor each other and make a funny, warning sound like "ehgnaaaaa!" when we spot each other judging anyone.

It is one thing to critique others so that they learn and totally another thing to judge others. Critique focuses on the behaviour and its impact which we need to identify and give feedback to the individual who originated that behaviour, provided the trust levels between that person and us are high.

Judging, however, is a totally different matter altogether. To judge a person, either silently or in private, or with that person himself/herself openly, is to label him/her permanently.

Labels are destructive. How often have I seen people label each other in a manner that many a times these labels last a lifetime and cause tremendous damage.

When was the last time you labeled a person? It is time now to take stock. What about your labels?

Reverse Networking

As I was sitting in my car today, I suddenly remembered an old boss of mine. Where is he now? What is he doing right now? How is he? I suddenly realized, I had no clue.

My mind went further down the timeline, in the past, and many images of people came to me. Amongst them were significant people who have had tremendous influence on me.

My kindergarten teacher, who taught me to tie my shoe laces, my chemistry teacher, who aroused my interest in behavioural science, my english teacher, whose classes, I used to cherish, another boss of mine, who had mentored and coached me, my dad's friend, who had taught me the importance of reading, all these people in small and big ways have made me the person who I am today. The list of people who influenced me can go on and on.

How many of them am I in touch with now? In the whole list of people, only four of them. Even the ones I am in touch with, the credit will go to my wife and not to me. She is the one, in our family, who always keeps in touch with people, a quality, I greatly admire in her.

It is sad that in my busy, single minded focus to achieve my goals and climb the ladder, I totally forgot, the very people who had played major roles, through their influence, to make me the person who I am today. A lot of my success, I have achieved today, I owe it to them. Alas! I don't even know where they are to say a thank you.

In this age of warped speed, with people pursuing their career/personal goals and networking with a purpose to further their own interests, I would strongly recommend reverse networking. I would recommend, tracking down every person who has had a positive influence on you, just to say thank you and show them that you care.

I don't know how many of those people I will be able to contact now, but I do know that even if I am able to contact a few of them and thank them, the experience and the benefit to me and to them will be priceless.

Henceforth, I have decided to note down and keep in touch with people who will influence me and network with them, purely from a point of view of showing them I care.

What about you? How many of the people who have influenced you are you in touch? How many of them did you say thank you? Think about it.

Try it! It may further change your life.

How are you faring with respect to your new year resolutions?

I am just doing a periodic critique here. I find myself fully in control, with respect to all of my new year resolutions. I wonder, why I didn't do these, very beneficial, things earlier.

I think the reasons for success are as follows:

• High degree of commitment


• High degree of self-discipline


• Intense desire to reach specific goals related to the resolutions


• Subordinating other activities, such as watching TV, to the new year resolutions


• Family support and encouragement

Am I committed because these are a new year resolutions? Can we manufacture commitment during other times of the year?

The key, above all, is to be ruthless with yourself till these resolutions become habits and take on a life of its own.

You cannot let go the plane till you cruise to an appropriate altitude. Once you reach the optimal altitude, you can, then, go on an auto pilot mode.

What is your experience so far?

Setting high standards

How much sub-standard performance will you tolerate before you make a protest? You will protest only if you have a standard in the first place. Tolerating poor/mediocre performance at work could be a clue that you do the same in other areas of life.

There are many areas in life where we need to set high standards, but we rarely do so.

We allow poor performance to continue till we cannot tolerate it anymore. We allow our house to get messy till we cannot tolerate it anymore. We allow a person to misbehave till we cannot stand it anymore. We allow ourselves to get stuck in a job that no more interests us till we cannot continue anymore.

Very few people think through the standards in different areas of life and set them for themselves. This is dangerous. Without preset standards, you will go through life, accepting trash, as it comes along.

It is time now, to draw the lines and set the standards in different areas of your life.

The quicker you do this, the better it is for you, your family, your co-workers and everyone else you may come across.

Common Mistakes

In every endeavour we do, there is ample scope for us to commit mistakes. Just because we have been doing a specific activity for years doesn't mean we have mastered it.

This is the observation, I made, when I witnessed the "mock presentation" of my colleague.

He committed the same blunders I have seen time and again in many presentation I have witnessed, over a period of years. What is more disconcerting, is that my colleague is not new to making presentations.

Why does this happen?

Every activity can be performed the right/effective way or the wrong/ineffective way. This is true for making presentations, surgical operations, raising children, gardening, exercising---.

Identifying and learning the correct way of doing something and being aware of the common mistakes, that are usually commited during such an activity, will help us to be effective and successful.

Scan through the various activities you do. How many of them have gone into an auto pilot mode with built in mistakes you are not even aware of.

My colleague had made that presentation after 3 hours of practice. However, his practice did not help him at all, as he had paid scant attention to what constitutes an effective presentation and what are the major pitfalls he must avoid while making a presentation.

If you perfect imperfection the end result is still imperfection.

You end up perfectly imperfect!

Laugh time schedule in your calendar

Last night we watched a funny movie. We laughed and laughed till there were tears in our eyes and our stomachs began to ache. OH! it felt so good. It is after a long time, I have laughed so much.

It is important to periodically have these kinds of laughs.

Planning to see fun movies, watching cartoons, and reading comics must become an integral part of our lives. We have to build these activities into our busy schedules, otherwise months/years may go by, and we would still have not laughed, the way we need to laugh, to stay healthy.

Have you scheduled a "laugh time" in your calendar? Try it out. It may prove to be one of the most productive activities you have ever scheduled

Outdoors

I recently made a surprising discovery. I am spending most of the time indoors, with very little or no activities outdoors. This is so, despite the weather being good most of the year. Analyzing a little further, made me realize the reasons for this imbalance:

1. Home-car-office-car-home- week in, week out, with no attempt to go outdoors, even after I get back home.


2. Too much time in front of the laptop, and TV .


3. Going to malls on weekends or movies, which are, again indoors.

How easily we fall into routines, without even realizing it.

I think spending outdoors will bring in a breath of fresh air and all of us definitely need that "breath of fresh air."

What about you? When was the last time you spent outdoors?

On the flip side, those who spend too much time outdoors, should ask themselves, when was the last time they spent indoors.

Ratatouille-What a movie!-Messages

I saw this great movie on the New Year's day. I think this is one of the best movies of Disney-Pixar. It is all about a lowly rat called Remy, who happens to have a great talent for cooking. In fact, he discovers this, when, he accidental watches one of the great chef's of France, talking on the TV about his book - Anyone can cook.

Remy is truly inspired---. He and his human friend set out on a journey of adventure in one of the finest hotels in Paris.The animation and the cartoon is so good, that you can even correlate the location in Paris depicted in the movie to the actual location of this great city.

However, what is more important is the theme and the moral of the story.

I found the following messages:

1. Go after your talents, even if you have to break your societal/familial norms.
2. Great talent will get noticed immediately
3. "Anyone can cook" can be changes to Anyone can paint/draw/sing/invent/lead/be rich/succeed/--- the list can go on an on.
4. The difference between good (cooking) and great (cooking) is the courage to try new ingredients in established recipes.
5. You can pull it off only if you are honest and have integrity.
6. Every critic, even the meanest one, has a child in him/her and appealing to the child is the key to win his accolade in addition to your excellence in the product or service.
7. Genius and talent can spring from any strata of the society.

It takes courage to go after a career, that, is aligned to your talent. This is a path taken by few. Your decision about this will determine whether you will have a mediocre life or attain star status.

What have you become?

Recently my wife and I listened to some old Hindi songs (Movie). These were the songs, I grew up with. It was a very nostalgic experience. We felt good.

It is good to look back, especially, in this time of the year. Listening to old songs brought me old memories. What was my state-of-mind those days as compared to my state-of-mind now? How have I changed? What good values or attitudes I held did I lose over a period of time?

Another good way is to look at your old photographs. How did you look then? How do you look now?

What have you become? Do you like it?

What areas must you introspect on the last day of the year?

Today is the last day of 2007. This is the best time to look at the year that is ending. However, this has to be done in a systematic manner.

What areas will you focus upon?

Physical

• What health enhancing activities did you do this year?
• What health deteriorating activities/habits did you acquire this year?

Mental

• What new knowledge did you acquire this year?
• What books did you read this year?
• How many books did you read completely this year?

Social

• How many new friends did you make this year?
• How many friends did you lose touch this year?
• How many friends do you have today?-current count
• How much time did you spend with them?
• How did you give back/contribute to the society?

Family

• How much time did you spend with your spouse this year?
• How much time did you spend with your children this year?
• How stronger is the bonding in you family this year?

Work/Business

• What new skills did you learn today?
• How many new contacts did you add to your network this year?
• How well did you perform this year?

Finance

• How is your bank balance?
• How is your debt?
• How much have you increased your earning to?
• What alternative sources of income did you add?

Spiritual

• How close are you to your spiritual goals?
• How much time did you spend in prayer, meditation, etc.
• How much time did you spend in helping others

Looking back, what would you have done better?

Looking back, what would you have avoided?

What action steps do I need to take and in which areas do I need to take them?

Being Arrogant and/or Judgemental

How do you look at people? Do you look at them with contempt or with a neutral outlook or with admiration? I have seen arrogance/contempt written all over their face, in many people, I have met.

"Contempt ---Neutral---Admiration" scale is a very useful scale.

Another scale that is very useful, is the one, that checks how judgemental you are.

"Arrogant---Neutral---Judgemental"

Some people are arrogant and some people are judgemental. However, if you are arrogant and judgemental, then you will be walking alone, all the way, through out life.

We need to be aware, how we affect others.

Maintaining Friendship

How many friends do you have right now? Is your lifestyle and job conducive to friendship.

As I look back, I find myself getting more and more alienated from all my friends. Having lived in different countries across continents and being in a very highly demanding job, I have found it difficult to maintain continuity with any friend. This was more because of my neglect than anything else.

In this crazy, high speed, multi-tasking, low attention span world, it is becoming more and more difficult to get good friends. What I have learnt is, that it is not only difficult to get good friends, but also to keep them. Friendship requires a lot of investment of time and attention.

I have decided today to revive my friendship with several of my old friends. With cell phones and internet shrinking the globe, there is no excuse for me, not to be in touch with my friends.

What about you? What are you waiting for? Make that call to a friend you have not spoken for in years.

I have a list of friends and I am going to call them.

Leadership must be earned

In every team you will find people who want to be leaders. However, very few people realize that leadership should be earned.

Few months back, I assigned few mini projects across my team members. Each mini project had a leader and a few team members, who will help the leader to complete the mini project. There were few projects, where the leader of one project was also a team member of another.

The results were very interesting:

There were few leaders who did a great job, while there were others who miserably failed. There was this one leader, who wanted to relinquish his leadership, as very few team members cooperated with him. He just couldn't move forward.

The lesson learnt out of this exercise were the following:

1. Leaders who failed, were invariably, poor team members, who did not cooperate in other leader's projects.
2. Leaders who failed were found to have a common trait-arrogance.
3. Leaders who did not make it, were the ones who had relationship issues and were not liked by many of the team members.

Learnings:

Leadership must be earned. Even if you are the appointed leader, you need to build trust for you amongst the team members. You may have all the authority in the world and fail to be a leader, while someone else may have no authority at all but may be the the unspoken, unnamed, and undisputed leader.