As parents, in our attempt to mould our children to their best behaviour, we often go overboard; Months and perhaps years go by before we realize that we have overburdened our children with discipline.
Pause and take stock! When was the last time you joked around with your children?
Balance discipline with fun activities, you will find your children responding, positively, to both.
No trouble can last forever!
When I was a child, I used to play this strange game. Whenever I was in trouble, sad, or did not like the way things were, I would tell myself that every trouble has a beginning, a middle and an end; It has begun it will move to the middle and then taper off! All I have to do is just go through it!
Think about all your troubles! Didn't they end?
As adults we sometimes get so caught up with the mess and the pain we are in that we tend to think our condition will last for ever.
How untrue!
Remember this when you are brooding over some trouble that has been bothering you!
The formula:
Has begun ---- Will touch the middle ---- Will finally end!
Think about all your troubles! Didn't they end?
As adults we sometimes get so caught up with the mess and the pain we are in that we tend to think our condition will last for ever.
How untrue!
Remember this when you are brooding over some trouble that has been bothering you!
The formula:
Has begun ---- Will touch the middle ---- Will finally end!
Leaving anonymous comments! How cowardly can you get?
I find it difficult to accept any anonymous comment. In my world if you are not willing to put your name behind a comment or a stand you take, you are either not convinced with what you are saying or you are a person of deceit, who wants to hide behind a mask of anonymity.
It takes courage and conviction to say what you want to say and stand by it.
This happens in organizations too, where they institute an anonymous feedback. Such attempts only promote a closed culture and is very detrimental to organizations.
It takes courage and conviction to say what you want to say and stand by it.
This happens in organizations too, where they institute an anonymous feedback. Such attempts only promote a closed culture and is very detrimental to organizations.
Do you periodically check how your loved ones feel about their lives?
Sometimes our near and dear ones are very good at masking their pain! Some may even mask their physical pain. No matter how alert we are ( In fact many of us are oblivious to others feelings) we can easily overlook and miss completely how others feel); Months go by and sometimes even years, and suddenly it is too late. The damage is done!
Some of the common damages are:
It is possible only by constant communication within the family. It begins with developing a culture of openly sharing the innermost feelings with others. It is reinforced by every attempt by every family member to listen deeply to one another!
Only if you are aware that your loved one is in pain can you even begin to help him or her!
Think about it! Notice and take actions before it it too late!
Some of the common damages are:
- Breakdown of relationship
- Loss of direction
- Loss of opportunities (especially for children)
These are only some of the outcomes.
How do we prevent this?It is possible only by constant communication within the family. It begins with developing a culture of openly sharing the innermost feelings with others. It is reinforced by every attempt by every family member to listen deeply to one another!
Only if you are aware that your loved one is in pain can you even begin to help him or her!
Think about it! Notice and take actions before it it too late!
How to have peace of mind through integrity?
There are different ways to have peace of mind. One of the ways to have peace of mind is by being honest all the time; You then have no need to tell one lie to cover up another lie and keep track of all the lies you are juggling around with different people.
However, just being honest is not enough, you also need to match your actions to what you have promised to yourself or with others; You need to walk your talk always.
Walking the talk is not easy, as you are always tempted to do things that do not promote your integrity.
Examples:
However, just being honest is not enough, you also need to match your actions to what you have promised to yourself or with others; You need to walk your talk always.
Walking the talk is not easy, as you are always tempted to do things that do not promote your integrity.
Examples:
- You promise yourself to get up at 6:00 am but you switch off the alarm and go to sleep
- You promise to do some errand to your spouse but procrastinate and do something else
- You decide to start exercising regularly, you even start doing it and then you give up
These are few examples of integrity depleting actions (IDA)
However if you keep your promise, then you will be doing integrity promoting actions (IPA).
Most of us have a huge collection of integrity depleting actions already and furthermore we add, day in day out, more integrity depleting actions thus creating a complete imbalance of IDA and IPA.
Just imagine a day full of IPA, a week full of IPA, a month full of IPA, A year full of IPA, a decade full of IPA and a life full of IPA!
Start small and start for small durations; Gradually expand and fill your hours with integrity promoting actions.
Try it out and your life will be filled with peace as long as your actions are aligned to wholesome principles and values.
Are you aware of the impact you have on others?
Whether we like it or not, we impact others, day in, day out. Most of the time the impact is either neutral or slightly positive, assuming that we are well adjusted human beings.
However there are days when we impact the people around us negatively; Especially our family members-spouse, children, brothers, sisters---.
Do your family members look forward to you coming home in the evening or do they shudder with fear or worry or anxiety?
How has it been lately?
Pay attention, you may be in for a surprise!
However there are days when we impact the people around us negatively; Especially our family members-spouse, children, brothers, sisters---.
Do your family members look forward to you coming home in the evening or do they shudder with fear or worry or anxiety?
How has it been lately?
Pay attention, you may be in for a surprise!
If in doubt, cut the relationship---
There are times in my life that despite several warning signals, I failed to cut a person off my life.
Sometimes the warning may have come to you in form of an intuition, or sometimes it may have come in form of some logical reasoning, but whatever the source of your warning, it is important to pause and take notice; Not to do so is to expose you and your family to great dangers and risk.
However, that doesn't mean that you go about cutting relationships at every first warning; What it means is to dwell sufficiently on that warning, take heed, and then verify in the real world.
Remember this, and it will save you a lot of trouble!
Sometimes the warning may have come to you in form of an intuition, or sometimes it may have come in form of some logical reasoning, but whatever the source of your warning, it is important to pause and take notice; Not to do so is to expose you and your family to great dangers and risk.
However, that doesn't mean that you go about cutting relationships at every first warning; What it means is to dwell sufficiently on that warning, take heed, and then verify in the real world.
Remember this, and it will save you a lot of trouble!
DO you take people for granted in your life?
In the initial stages of any relationship-professional or personal, we are careful and attentive to the needs of others. We may even anticipate them and fulfill them; Then something strange happens, familiarity breeds contempt.
You will find that you have unconsciously taken the relationship for granted. This will continue, until, for most of us, we get a wake up call; Alas by the time we wake up it is too late.
How do we prevent this?
Here are some important steps in this regard:
- Look for opportunities you are missing with that person to fulfill her unspoken needs
- Examine whether you have missed out on fulfilling some of her expressed needs
- Look back and check what fun activities you were doing together which you have completely stopped
- Anticipate her needs and make a list of them
- Look at the points that emerge from first four steps and develop an action plan
- Surprise her completely by doing something for her from the list you have drawn
- Start slow and gradually increase pace
Try this and you will be more surprised than she will be.
How careful are you about your child's friends?
A professional colleague in Canada once told me that he was worried that his children are being raised by their classmates and friends. Children being raised by other children! To me, that was very scary.
I believe parents need to be in control, of the kind of friends, their children associate themselves with.
Many of us, as parents, are careful and have our watchful eyes on our children. We may even prevent or dissuade our children from associating with some of their friends. This fine in the actual physical world where we can see, hear, and then assess the impact of the friends our children mingle with.
However a large number of parents forget the Internet.
The greatest dangers are:
I believe parents need to be in control, of the kind of friends, their children associate themselves with.
Many of us, as parents, are careful and have our watchful eyes on our children. We may even prevent or dissuade our children from associating with some of their friends. This fine in the actual physical world where we can see, hear, and then assess the impact of the friends our children mingle with.
However a large number of parents forget the Internet.
The greatest dangers are:
- Chats
- Face book
- Orkut
- Other Internet interactions-Yahoo answers
- Groups
- You tube
The list can go on.
When was the last time you checked on your son's contacts in his email or the kind of chats your daughter is having with and with whom?
What about the face book? What kind of comments are being written on your child's wall?
Internet brings the world to your child.
No matter how careful you are in the actual physical world, the virtual world may destroy every effort you exercise to protect your child.
Check your child's internet activities. You may be surprised! There is also a good chance you may be shocked!
Time to take charge;Time to let go
To be in control of everything in your life constantly, is an illusion; So is to visualize everything in your life is out of control. What we need is balance.
There are times when it is possible to have some degree of control over large areas of life but there are also times when letting go is a wise thing to do.
This is important, especially in times of extreme shock coming from some life altering event. In those times we need to let go without feeling guilty while realizing that after an appropriate length in time we will regain the control back.
Knowing this important principle can save you from lot of grief.
Think about it!
There are times when it is possible to have some degree of control over large areas of life but there are also times when letting go is a wise thing to do.
This is important, especially in times of extreme shock coming from some life altering event. In those times we need to let go without feeling guilty while realizing that after an appropriate length in time we will regain the control back.
Knowing this important principle can save you from lot of grief.
Think about it!
When do your loved ones need you most?
When everything is going smooth, the need for your support is a given. Suddenly, something drastically goes wrong. Your nearest and dearest commits a grave mistake.
What do you do?
This is the time to reflect! This is the time to look and establish the goals of the relationship; This needs to be done despite the anger and the hatred that may be welling up in you; Because it is during these times your loved one needs you the most.
You need to get into the habit of looking at others mistakes with compassion.
Who knows? You may need it one day!
What do you do?
This is the time to reflect! This is the time to look and establish the goals of the relationship; This needs to be done despite the anger and the hatred that may be welling up in you; Because it is during these times your loved one needs you the most.
You need to get into the habit of looking at others mistakes with compassion.
Who knows? You may need it one day!
Worst possible outcome
How important is it to visualize periodically the worst possible outcome? I think it needs to be done. You can do it as long as it doesn't trigger anxiety, stress, and worry.
This has to be done from a point of view of contingency planning.
Though these scenarios rarely come true, the very fact that you have a contingency plan and escape route keeps you more confident.
Try it out in few areas of your life.
This has to be done from a point of view of contingency planning.
Though these scenarios rarely come true, the very fact that you have a contingency plan and escape route keeps you more confident.
Try it out in few areas of your life.
How to handle betrayal
How do you handle betrayal? Let's say your near and dear one, your children, your close extended family member, or your friend betrays you completely;Stabs you in the back; Has been stabbing you and cheating you for the past few years.
What do you do?
Suddenly you realize that person has been dual faced, slick, and cunning. He or she has planned this meticulously, put on a face of innocence, and lied and cheated right under your nose.
Suddenly you become aware of this and everything is out in the open. You are now faced with the following:
What do you do?
Suddenly you realize that person has been dual faced, slick, and cunning. He or she has planned this meticulously, put on a face of innocence, and lied and cheated right under your nose.
Suddenly you become aware of this and everything is out in the open. You are now faced with the following:
- Shock
- Pain
- Anger
- Denial
- Guilt (How did I contribute to this?)
- The dilemma-What next?
There are a few areas you need to focus immediately:
- Deciding what to do with the relationship-to keep or to cut off
- Being clear what your goal is with respect to this individual
- Confronting the individual who betrayed you
- Laying out what you want to achieve if the relationship has to continue
- Analysing together the context and situation that led to the acts of betrayal
- Setting up mutually agreed monitoring mechanisms
- Identifying consequences that would follow on violation
Even if you do this, the pain and the shock will not go away. The person who betrayed you need to take equal responsibility to ease your pain, more by demonstrating acts that build trust, rather than just talk.
Over the period of time, the pain may subside, but the memory of the betrayal will take a long time to fade away.
How to mess up consistently and completly?
The best way to mess up is not to pay attention. Stop tracking things.
Let me give you a nice list to start with:
Let me give you a nice list to start with:
- Your money in the bank
- Your expenses
- Your credit card spending
- Your weight
- Your friends
- Your family
- Your children
- Your parents
- Your boss
- Your resume
- Your health
- Your spiritual connection
- Your house
- Your commitments
The list can go on and on.
How many of the items in the list are you not keeping track? Are you messing up sufficiently?
Alas for many of us, we are good at messing up and would have said "yes" to most of the items on the list; And what is more alarming is that the list up there is incomplete.
Take an inventory, before it is too late.
Threshold of tolerance for change
Different people have different thresholds of tolerance before they will change.
When I mean change, I mean personal change. Given below are few examples of such change (things you need to change before it becomes a disaster):
When I mean change, I mean personal change. Given below are few examples of such change (things you need to change before it becomes a disaster):
- Smoking
- Clutter
- Overweight
- Selfishness
- Laziness
- Loneliness
The list can go on. Any person at any given point of time will be having a cluster of these personal change elements or shall I say ailments which he or she needs to change. Most of the people do not take action until a disaster strikes. Their threshold of tolerance for the dysfunctional elements in their lives are high.
Look at your own life and make a list of these elements that are causing you to be ineffective.
Now ask yourself this question:
Am I going to wait for a disaster to force me into crossing the threshold to change?
Lowering your threshold of tolerance for these dysfunctional elements will be the best road to a fulfilled life.
Think about it!
If only we could edit our lives---
Last week I spent some time reflecting. I rewound the tape in my mind and played it from the first event I could recall. I did this slowly, pausing the tape once in a while to learn something important.
There were many things I had excelled in. There were many good moments and good decisions. There were also moments that should never have happened, but alas, they happened. There were times when I failed. for example the first promotion I did not get. I lost it to a colleague who in my opinion was less qualified. I felt ashamed and at that moment I felt I was a complete failure.
Now looking back, I thank God I did not get that promotion. My life would have taken a different course and arrived at a destination far different from what I am enjoying now.
I also remembered the times people hurt me. I forgave all of them. What is more important for me is the realization that those very experiences were responsible for all my learning and hence responsible for all the good and strong relationships I am having now.
This whole reflection filled me with gratitude, both for the good things that happened to me and also for the bad ones.
The only thing I would have wished to be changed was the loss of loved ones. I will continue to miss them. Other than this and some stupid mistakes that originated from me, I would not edit anything else.
What about you? What, in your past life, would you want to edit? Try this reflection exercise, it may shift a few vital paradigms in you.
All the best!
There were many things I had excelled in. There were many good moments and good decisions. There were also moments that should never have happened, but alas, they happened. There were times when I failed. for example the first promotion I did not get. I lost it to a colleague who in my opinion was less qualified. I felt ashamed and at that moment I felt I was a complete failure.
Now looking back, I thank God I did not get that promotion. My life would have taken a different course and arrived at a destination far different from what I am enjoying now.
I also remembered the times people hurt me. I forgave all of them. What is more important for me is the realization that those very experiences were responsible for all my learning and hence responsible for all the good and strong relationships I am having now.
This whole reflection filled me with gratitude, both for the good things that happened to me and also for the bad ones.
The only thing I would have wished to be changed was the loss of loved ones. I will continue to miss them. Other than this and some stupid mistakes that originated from me, I would not edit anything else.
What about you? What, in your past life, would you want to edit? Try this reflection exercise, it may shift a few vital paradigms in you.
All the best!
"You" in the mirror---
We were running a residential Leadership Seminar. My co-facilitator told me that he saw his reflection almost everywhere; the building was filled with glass panes and mirrors. He didn't like what he saw. It was, then, I looked at myself. I didn't like what I saw, either. Over the period of years, I have allowed myself to become unfit.
When was the last time you had a hard look at yourself in the mirror? Try it out! It can be an eye opening experience.
As I sat thinking about it, it dawned on me that I had reached this state through a series of day-in day-out decisions.
You could take this experiment further and look at your inner self in the mirror of your mind. This a more difficult exercise. If you really look hard, then you may end up asking your self-"What have I become?"
When was the last time you had a hard look at yourself in the mirror? Try it out! It can be an eye opening experience.
As I sat thinking about it, it dawned on me that I had reached this state through a series of day-in day-out decisions.
You could take this experiment further and look at your inner self in the mirror of your mind. This a more difficult exercise. If you really look hard, then you may end up asking your self-"What have I become?"
The principle of the "gentle push"
Most of the stuff we procrastinate need only a gentle push towards it. I recently experienced this. I procrastinated doing something for a year, and finally did it; and all it needed was a gentle, baby step- a gentle push.
Try this:
Make a list of stuff you are procrastinating
Scan the list for the stuff that qualifies for the principle of "gentle push"
Determine what do you need to do that will require a gentle push towards
completing the task
Determine you will try to give yourself a gentle push and will continue the activity only if a tip over takes place
Continue the activity to completion
You will be surprised to find 80% of the items you have listed fit into the gentle push category.
Rapidly finish them and feel productive!
How do you handle violence in you?
Something goes wrong or someone does something that makes your blood boil. What do you do? Especially, when you are getting violent urges to lash out, if not physically, but verbally, it is time to pause, take a deep breath, decide to deal with it in an appropriate manner.
Whenever, I have let my anger loose, I have regretted it later. More harm is done on yourself than the recipient of your anger.
A good exercise for you tonight is to go back in time, all the way to your childhood, and dwell on each of the angry outbursts you have had. How do you feel about them now?
DO try it out! It will change your perspective about anger!
It will also give you the power to choose an appropriate response!
Whenever, I have let my anger loose, I have regretted it later. More harm is done on yourself than the recipient of your anger.
A good exercise for you tonight is to go back in time, all the way to your childhood, and dwell on each of the angry outbursts you have had. How do you feel about them now?
DO try it out! It will change your perspective about anger!
It will also give you the power to choose an appropriate response!
Life's milestones---"30"---"40"---"50"---
Recently, I heard a few of my classmates debate as to what it is to turn "50 years of age".
What do you think when you reach such milestones?
Turning 50 years of age means to me that life starts afresh with a major advantage. The advantage is that you have now the accumulated wisdom (your learning from successes and failures and other experiences). You can either use this great resource to your advantage or let it go to waste. The choice is yours!
How about putting all your learning to practice? You will find a force that will push you to your next level of achievement. You may be surprised at the level of achievement you reach.
Think about it!
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What do you think when you reach such milestones?
Turning 50 years of age means to me that life starts afresh with a major advantage. The advantage is that you have now the accumulated wisdom (your learning from successes and failures and other experiences). You can either use this great resource to your advantage or let it go to waste. The choice is yours!
How about putting all your learning to practice? You will find a force that will push you to your next level of achievement. You may be surprised at the level of achievement you reach.
Think about it!
Do key in your comments here. If you like my blog, please stumble it, Digg it, and make it your technorati favourite
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