How to handle betrayal

How do you handle betrayal? Let's say your near and dear one, your children, your close extended family member, or your friend betrays you completely;Stabs you in the back; Has been stabbing you and cheating you for the past few years.


What do you do?


Suddenly you realize that person has been dual faced, slick, and cunning. He or she has planned this meticulously, put on a face of innocence, and lied and cheated right under your nose.

Suddenly you become aware of this and everything is out in the open. You are now faced with the following:

• Shock
• Pain
• Anger
• Denial
• Guilt (How did I contribute to this?)
• The dilemma-What next?

There are a few areas you need to focus immediately:

• Deciding what to do with the relationship-to keep or to cut off
• Being clear what your goal is with respect to this individual
• Confronting the individual who betrayed you
• Laying out what you want to achieve if the relationship has to continue
• Analysing together the context and situation that led to the acts of betrayal
• Setting up mutually agreed monitoring mechanisms
• Identifying consequences that would follow on violation

Even if you do this, the pain and the shock will not go away. The person who betrayed you need to take equal responsibility to ease your pain, more by demonstrating acts that build trust, rather than just talk.

Over the period of time, the pain may subside, but the memory of the betrayal will take a long time to fade away.

How to mess up consistently and completly?

The best way to mess up is not to pay attention. Stop tracking things.

Let me give you a nice list to start with:

• Your money in the bank
• Your expenses
• Your credit card spending
• Your weight
• Your friends
• Your family
• Your children
• Your parents
• Your boss
• Your resume
• Your health
• Your spiritual connection
• Your house
• Your commitments

The list can go on and on.

How many of the items in the list are you not keeping track? Are you messing up sufficiently?

Alas for many of us, we are good at messing up and would have said "yes" to most of the items on the list; And what is more alarming is that the list up there is incomplete.

Take an inventory, before it is too late.

Threshold of tolerance for change

Different people have different thresholds of tolerance before they will change.

When I mean change, I mean personal change. Given below are few examples of such change (things you need to change before it becomes a disaster):

• Smoking
• Clutter
• Overweight
• Selfishness
• Laziness
• Loneliness

The list can go on. Any person at any given point of time will be having a cluster of these personal change elements or shall I say ailments which he or she needs to change. Most of the people do not take action until a disaster strikes. Their threshold of tolerance for the dysfunctional elements in their lives are high.

Look at your own life and make a list of these elements that are causing you to be ineffective.

Now ask yourself this question:

Am I going to wait for a disaster to force me into crossing the threshold to change?

Lowering your threshold of tolerance for these dysfunctional elements will be the best road to a fulfilled life.

Think about it!

If only we could edit our lives---

Last week I spent some time reflecting. I rewound the tape in my mind and played it from the first event I could recall. I did this slowly, pausing the tape once in a while to learn something important.

There were many things I had excelled in. There were many good moments and good decisions. There were also moments that should never have happened, but alas, they happened. There were times when I failed. for example the first promotion I did not get. I lost it to a colleague who in my opinion was less qualified. I felt ashamed and at that moment I felt I was a complete failure.

Now looking back, I thank God I did not get that promotion. My life would have taken a different course and arrived at a destination far different from what I am enjoying now.

I also remembered the times people hurt me. I forgave all of them. What is more important for me is the realization that those very experiences were responsible for all my learning and hence responsible for all the good and strong relationships I am having now.

This whole reflection filled me with gratitude, both for the good things that happened to me and also for the bad ones.

The only thing I would have wished to be changed was the loss of loved ones. I will continue to miss them. Other than this and some stupid mistakes that originated from me, I would not edit anything else.

What about you? What, in your past life, would you want to edit? Try this reflection exercise, it may shift a few vital paradigms in you.
All the best!

"You" in the mirror---

We were running a residential Leadership Seminar. My co-facilitator told me that he saw his reflection almost everywhere; the building was filled with glass panes and mirrors. He didn't like what he saw. It was, then, I looked at myself. I didn't like what I saw, either. Over the period of years, I have allowed myself to become unfit.

When was the last time you had a hard look at yourself in the mirror? Try it out! It can be an eye opening experience.

As I sat thinking about it, it dawned on me that I had reached this state through a series of day-in day-out decisions.

You could take this experiment further and look at your inner self in the mirror of your mind. This a more difficult exercise. If you really look hard, then you may end up asking your self-"What have I become?"

The principle of the "gentle push"

Most of the stuff we procrastinate need only a gentle push towards it. I recently experienced this. I procrastinated doing something for a year, and finally did it; and all it needed was a gentle, baby step- a gentle push.
Try this:
Make a list of stuff you are procrastinating
Scan the list for the stuff that qualifies for the principle of "gentle push"
Determine what do you need to do that will require a gentle push towards
completing the task
Determine you will try to give yourself a gentle push and will continue the activity only if a tip over takes place
Continue the activity to completion

You will be surprised to find 80% of the items you have listed fit into the gentle push category.
Rapidly finish them and feel productive!

How do you handle violence in you?

Something goes wrong or someone does something that makes your blood boil. What do you do? Especially, when you are getting violent urges to lash out, if not physically, but verbally, it is time to pause, take a deep breath, decide to deal with it in an appropriate manner.

Whenever, I have let my anger loose, I have regretted it later. More harm is done on yourself than the recipient of your anger.

A good exercise for you tonight is to go back in time, all the way to your childhood, and dwell on each of the angry outbursts you have had. How do you feel about them now?

DO try it out! It will change your perspective about anger!
It will also give you the power to choose an appropriate response!

Life's milestones---"30"---"40"---"50"---

Recently, I heard a few of my classmates debate as to what it is to turn "50 years of age".

What do you think when you reach such milestones?

Turning 50 years of age means to me that life starts afresh with a major advantage. The advantage is that you have now the accumulated wisdom (your learning from successes and failures and other experiences). You can either use this great resource to your advantage or let it go to waste. The choice is yours!

How about putting all your learning to practice? You will find a force that will push you to your next level of achievement. You may be surprised at the level of achievement you reach.

Think about it!
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After a long break---

I stopped posting for a while and took a break. I have been travelling, mostly, in the US. I think it is time now to start documenting my learning again. Please stay tuned.

What can you do when the world economy is slowing down?--- BUILD RESILIENCE!!!

I can see the markets slowing down, banks collapsing, people going berserk with fear. Perhaps nobody anticipated this crisis; The ones who saw it coming may have buried their heads in denial.

Looking at the current situations here are few things we need to do to build resilience:

• Spend wisely-It is very easy to waste money
• Seal the cracks through which you are losing money-late credit card payments, delayed bills, wasteful ways with electricity, water,---
• Have a vocation 1 & a vocation 2 and develop alternative sources of income
• Become entrepreneurial rather than just an employee
• Develop a family vision for handling finance
• Explore various ways of investing
• Develop your knowledge and skills and enhance your earning capacity
• Spend time with your family and build a strong fortress of support in terms of relationships
• Network as never before-the more the friends you have the more the support system
• Get into the habit of helping others-make the law of reciprocity work for you
• Exercise and keep yourself healthy and encourage your family to adopt healthy life styles
• Get serious about spiritual pursuits-there is a lot more to life than just money and materialistic wins
• Have planned entertainment
• Learn and practice Yoga-meditation

All these activities will increase your resilience in these turbulent times.

Helping yourself to be resilient while helping others to be resilient is the best vaccination against the ills the current world trends will expose you to. 

People need to be together and help each other more than any other time in the recent past.

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Been away on a business trip followed by vacation

I did not post all these days. I got tied with other activities of life. I am back now and will post daily.

How balanced are you?

Many of us live extreme lives. We either skew towards being flaky, fun loving, pleasure seeking, individuals or skew in the opposite direction, organized, serious, disciplined, fun avoiding or postponing individuals.

I think both these positions are wrong and will have its serious consequences. The key way here is to be serious and fun loving. We need to strive for balance. Here are few tips of how to do exactly that:

• Monitor your self
• Schedule the opposite-If you have serious pursuits, add fun pursuits and vice a verse
• Block serious work time
• Block fun time
• Mix with children
• Mix with serious business people or your professional group
• Schedule "let go" weekends and controlled weekdays
• Schedule "serious weekends" and "let go" week days
• Be flexible at times based on the situation
• Be rigid at times based on the situation

Try these out! Live a full Life.

Do leave your comments here.

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How many goals behind are you?

I hope you have the habit of setting goals. I have been setting goals all my life. I have achieved many of them or most of them. I am sure you would have too.

What is important for us to check, periodically, is whether we are continuing to set goals and and continuing to achieve, as many, of them as possible.

The greatest danger you and I face is the tendency to become complacent. When we achieve one goal or some goals, we think we have arrived; suddenly, after losing a lot of time we realize that we have fallen back and there are many goals, staring at our face, still to be achieved; The more we have them, the more overwhelmed, we feel.

It is difficult to start again because we have fallen into inertia and we are also confused where to begin.

The solution to this problem is to keep track of the goals constantly, review periodically, and act to achieve the goals in a timely manner;This way we will live a fuller life.

What do you think? Do leave your comments here.

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Have you started a reversal program?

Some things deteriorate. This happens despite us taking steps to prevent it. This is more so true in the current age in which we are living in.

We are pressured, as never before, from all sides. It takes in and saps our energy leaving us exhausted. One terrible day we suddenly realize the extent of deterioration that has happened.

For example;

• Soured relationship
• Wayward children
• Dwindling finance
• Being stuck in a career
• Lack of friends
• Weight problem
• High blood pressure

The list can go on.

What I am going to suggest may be one of the most important things you have ever read.

Suggestion:

1. Take stock
2. List the things that have gone wrong
3. Segregate the things you can still take action upon
4. Prioritize that list
5. Start acting
6. Reverse the negative trend
7. Install a positive trend
8. Enjoy

Example:

• Overweight
• Not spending time with the family
• Low bank balance
• No friends
• Debt
• Poor relationship with your children

Take action while you still have time!

What do you think. Do leave your comment here.

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Do you lose your cool easily?

All of us can easily get through the day when things are going normally. The test of our mettle is when you get stressed up with all kinds of demands.

If you are having a rough day and you suddenly get a call that is irritating, as the person talking to you is arrogant and not listening to you or not willing to answer your questions, what do you do?

There is a great temptation to dump all the frustration on this one individual and give him your piece of mind. You may even feel good after such a conversation. However, the after effects of such an interaction can harm you more than anybody else. Your blood pressure may hit the roof, you get moody, and your anger may continue for another couple of hours.
How can you avoid this?
Here are a few tips:

• Relax consciously during the day
• Be aware of your emotions
• Constantly remind yourself that you could loose control of your temper
• Be aware of the affect others are having on you
• Postpone talking if you find yourself getting worked up

It is better to not have a conversation with an individual than to loose cool and destroy the relationship. Even if you want to persuade the person to your direction or cause, the time to have that conversation is when you are cool.

What do you think? Do leave your comments here

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Garlic bread and thin crust pizza incident

Last Saturday we ordered thin crust pizzas and garlic breads from a reputed pizza restaurant near our home.

The pizzas & garlic breads came on time, while they forgot to give us the dip we ordered along with the garlic bread.


We called them and they said that it will be at our door step in 5 minutes. After an hour and two further reminders, I thought it is about time to set this situation right.

I called them up and gave them critique which finally resulted in they sending us the dip and refunding us money ( a 30% discount for the inconvenience caused). Why did this conversation yield success. I am giving below the factors that lead to the success:

1. Carefully planned conversation
2. Clear explanation of the situation
3. Eliciting metaphorically the difference between the Pizza Restaurant & a Street vendor
4. Linking what has happened to their values and showing them the in congruence
5. Telling them of the consequences of not responding to me based on their own values
6. Telling them what the same Pizza restaurant would have done in other countries
7. Asking them how the will solve my problem
8. Negotiating on the final outcome

They quickly agreed step by step to comply to, not just my wishes, but their own dear held values.

Have you had a similar experience? DO share it here in your comments.

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How do you attain a procrastiantion free life?

I think we need to start small. How about a procrastination free day?

These are the steps I would recommend:

1. Define procrastination
2. Define specific tasks for the day related to goals you want to achieve
3. Set specific rules to distinguish between delaying a task because of prioritization and delaying a task because of procrastination
4. Choose your first procrastination free day
5. Live that day
6. Celebrate
7. Choose either to maintain a one day target or increase it if you feel confident

Starting small is the key to such a life.

What do you think?

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Do you collect the information you need?

We are constantly bombarded by information. They come from everywhere and hit us from all directions. The more information you get, the more you get used to reacting to it.


It is so easy, in this information age, to get so used to getting information without any efforts on our part that we begin to develop this dangerous habit of waiting for information to come on its own. Many a times we forget to seek information when we actually need to do so.

The only way to combat this habit is to ask this very important question frequently:

Do I need more information?

Seek information and you will be surprised at the impact it has on your decisions and your productivity.

What do you think? Do share your comments here.

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How does environment affect you?

I was waiting for my wife and daughter to finish their shopping at an international beauty shop. I couldn't help overhearing the sales girl in the shop explaining how environment-sunlight, pollution, dust, etc affects the skin. She suggested specific creams and lotions to apply daily.

This set me thinking. What about the affects of the environment on your inner self? World is full of pollution, obscene pictures, vulgar music, dishonest people---. The negative list can go on and on. You are surrounded by powerful media that influence you in a negative way; Without even knowing, you are affected, by all this bombardment of negative messages.

Just like your skin needs cleansing and application of creams to keep it glowing and healthy, your inner self needs cleansing too.

How can you cleanse your inner self?

• Read wholesome books that inspire
• Listen to inspiring music
• Go to inspiring movies
• Meditate
• Mix with friends who have principled values
• Filter out all the negative as much as possible

You can never be too careful in keeping your inner self glowing and healthy. It is as important as buying beauty creams from a beauty shop.

What do you think?

Do leave your comments here

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Do you prioritize your day's experience?

Let's go back in time to the year 1970. The number of options for you to fill your day was very limited.

Look at the picture depicting the options you had in the 70s':

• Movies


• TV (depending on where you lived)


• Radio


• Theatre


• Sports


• Music


• Hobbies


• Work


• Mail


• Books

I have not listed all of them. I am sure there could be more to add.

Look at the picture depicting today:

• TV


• Internet


• Blogs


• Social networking


• Wikis


• Groups


• MMRPOG


• email


• Video games


• Theatre


• Cell phone


• ipod


• Movies


• Movies at home through DVD/HD


• Sports


• Hobbies


• Books


• ebooks

The list can go on and on. The point I am making is that today we have much more options in front of us and that can be overwhelming. Moreover, unless we choose carefully, we may end up wasting time in activities that may not be yielding fully to our well being and happiness.

We need to take charge of the experiences we can have day to day by prioritizing and developing a hierarchy of fun and valuable things to do.

Think about it next time you reach for the remote to watch TV. Do you have better options? Are you stuck in one way of entertaining yourself? Are you stuck in one or few ways of networking? Are you stuck with one way of getting information or knowledge?

Think hard and act now! It will spell the difference between having a wholesome life in contrast with a boring, routine filled life?

What do you think?

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Do you program yourself with the word "if"?

I have heard a lot of "ifs" in my life. In fact I have myself used this word again and again until I realized its destructive power.

If I get good marks, I will join the best college.
If I achieve my target, I will get a lot of incentive
If my business is successful, I will earn my first million dollars
The list can go on and on---

If is very destructive. You are programming yourself for failure because there is an element of doubt in it. You need to substitute "if" with "when".

When I get good marks, I will join the best college
When I achieve my target, I will get a lot of incentives
When my business is successful, I will earn my first million dollars

Not only do we program ourselves with "if" we also use this word extensively with others too. We need to be careful so that we are not programmed by others through the use of the word"if".

Remember IF= doubt. WHEN=certainty

Always use "when"!

What do you think? Do leave your comments here.

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Do you have the habit of reviewing/checking/critiquing/measuring?

If you do not review or measure your progress, you will never get anything done. Even if you manage to get things done, you may end up doing things that may not get you too far.

I have been doing some serious thinking these days to add some formal review/critiquing mechanism to my personal life too; Even though, I am more right brained than left brained, a metrics/review/critique driven life can definitely help me.

What are the areas in life that you should measure or review?
Let me draw up a list here, at random:

1. Savings in the bank


2. Weight


3. Pursuit to specific goals


4. Meditation-your spiritual life


5. Time you spend with your spouse


6. Time you spend with your daughter/son


7. Vacation


8. Your health-Blood pressure, HDL, LDL, Total cholesterol---


9. Your diet


10. Your community work


11. The number of quality books you have read


12. Your expenses


13. Your debt


14. Your earnings


15. Your resume


16. Your business numbers


17. Your hobbies


18. Time you fritter away


19. Your bad habits


20. Your good habits


21. Wholesome movies you have watched


22. Your friends


23. Your extended family


24. Your possessions


25. Your property


26. Your cars


27. Your laptop


28. Your cell phone


29. Your PDA


30. Your camera


31. Your video camera


32. Your jewellery


33. Your skill sets


34. Your knowledge


35. Work life balance

The list above is not exhaustive. As I was typing the above list I suddenly realized that I have not used my video camera for more than a year. I do not know what is the state of its batteries.

A regular review can give you real insights about yourself and your life. Once you identify areas you need to take action, you can begin to act and live a more fulfilled life.

What do you think? Do you systematically review/critique important areas of your life?

Try it out! It can make a huge difference.

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What are the 30 things that make you an "also ran"?

There are so many factors that limit you to mediocrity and makes you an "also ran".

Check out whether any or all of these are playing a havoc in your life:

1. Blind role modelling
2. Unexamined influence of people
3. Labels you or others have attached onto you
4. Negative programming you have undergone
5. Lack of vision
6. Lack of mission
7. Lack of well thought out goals
8. Unexamined values
9. Complacency
10. Quickly satisfied with what you have currently achieved
11. Laziness and other habits
12. Not knowing your strengths
13. Environment
14. Negative cultural influence of:-(1) family, (2) Team, (3) Organization, (4) Country, (5) Current era in which you are born to (6) friends
15. Your self-talk
16. Narrow interests
17. Narrow focus on your job
18. Inadequate support
19. Wrong job
20. Poor risk taking
21. Inadequate seeking of adventure
22. Negative influence of books
23. Negative influence of TV
24. Negative influence of movies
25. Negative influence of Internet
26. The place your are currently living in
27. Unexamined negative experiences from your past
28. Your lack of education
29. Not spending time alone to introspect
30. Not learning from your mistakes

Use the above checklist and break free.

What do you think? Do record here your comments.

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How often do you try new things?

It is very easy to get into a rut and live a dull life. We get stuck to our careers, place we live, kind of books we read, entertainment we seek,---

Unless we schedule some time to try out new things, we may live for years missing out on many experiences.

I have decided to schedule an hour a day for trying out new stuff.

Some of the stuff I have shortlisted:

• Drawing
• Writing a book
• Playing around with photoshop
• Editing my video tapes
• Social work

I may not do everything everyday, but I will do something, for an hour, everyday.

Exploring various options, potential talent areas, and experiences are very important in addition to pursuing goals related activities.

Try it out! Break the monotony in your life-try new stuff!

What do your think? Do leave your comments here.

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Lessons from music!

I was listening to music on my ipod; Relaxing, with lights switched off, I could easily focus on the lyrics of the song and the accompanying music, the chorus, the violin here and there, the drums, ---

It set me thinking.

How does the music director/composer know the various sounds he has gathered together to compose such a melodious music?

I am sure she would have done the following:

1. Be passionate about music
2. Research the various instruments
3. Research the various sounds
4. Put in years of practice
5. Experiment with various sounds
6. Use her innate talent in composing music
7. Studied music
8. Practice till she is perfect
9. Use her creativity to compose

Our lives should be like that.

We need to pack our days with carefully selected experiences; Just like a music director composing music.

Steps to pack in wholesome experiences:

1. List out the stuff that are wholesome and fun to do
2. List out things that are beneficial to do
3. Align them to your goals.
4. Carefully plan your day and week with things to do that will give you maximum fun and benefit-Example-Exercise, listen to music, study, time with family---
5. Live them
6. Have fun
7. Reap the benefits

Fill your day with carefully chosen activities and you will be amazed how much fun living can be!

Try it out!

What do you think? Do share your thoughts in your comments here.

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Do you have secrets in your family?

A healthy family should be an open family. There should be high trust and willingness to share with no room for secrets. This is possible only if all the family members are mature and trustworthy.

It is important to build such families, consciously. Your family is an open family when your family members have nothing to hide from one another.

A couple marries, has children, and the family culture is formed by their actions. The culture can be from completely being open to being completely closed.

The key to openness in families lie in the willingness and the capability, of its family members, to resolve conflicts. It also depends on how emotions are handled, both from the giving and receiving end. If anger is the main currency of emotion in the family, it becomes very difficult for people to open up.

I have seen many families. Some of them are completely closed. These families seem to do well when things are normal. There is a sense of calm. This calm is very deceptive as there is simmering anger and mistrust among family members.

These families will break up when faced with jugular issues - such as property, business, expenditure, and other materialistic concerns.

I have also seen families that get into the storm of conflict, but because the family members trust each other, and are willing to go the mile to resolve the conflict, through openness, humbleness, forgiveness, and trust, they emerge victorious-stronger and more cohesive than ever before.

What about your family? Do you have secrets from your trusted family members; It is time to examine them.

It requires a lot of intra-personal work to become a person with no secrets.

What is your experience? Do share your thoughts here!
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17 steps to live a life congruent to your wholesome values

It is very important to have all our actions congruent to our wholesome values. One of the best ways to ensure that your actions and values are aligned and congruent is to introspect and take action.

Here are a few steps to do them:

• Find yourself a free time-say about an hour
• Seclude yourself-you need to be alone for this exercise
• Look back at your life, as it is, currently happening.
• Ask yourself this question-Am I doing anything that is against my value system?
• List them down at random on a pad or in your PDA memo
• If you have more than two violations then you need to prioritize them
• Prioritize them by the biggest violation
• Select the biggest violation
• Decide to get rid of this behavior that violates your deep seated, principle based values
• Assess the impact of getting rid of the behaviour
• Give yourself a timeline to get rid of this behaviour
• Check out whether you can get rid of this behaviour on your own or you need help
• Reach out to your family members or close friends (if you are comfortable doing so) and take their support and help. This may require you opening up to them.
• Determine action steps to get rid of the behaviour
• Get rid of the behavior
• Reward yourself
• Continue this exercise till you have eliminated every non aligned behaviour

Try this out. It can have tremendous impact on your self-esteem. It will boost your self-esteem sky high. It will also relieve a lot of stress in the long run

Living a congruent life is foundational to living a life of joy and happiness.

What is your experience? Do share your thoughts here!

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Do you have important information at your finger tips?

There are times when you need information at your finger tips. Hence it is important to classify all the information you need on a day to day, week to week, or month to month basis and constantly record and update them so that you can retrieve them in less than 2 minutes time.

Here are some key steps to achieve that:

1. Identify and make a list of information you will require
2. In the first month it will be better to make up an initial list and add to it as you go by-examples: Your bank address, your credit card payment information, your bank balance, your dues, telephone numbers, frequent flier number---
3. Decide where you will record them-PDA, cell phone, small pad ---
4. Update constantly

Try these strategies and you will never be at loss for want of an information.

What is your experience? Do share your thoughts here!

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Twelve steps to build your knowledge and be the most sought after person in your field!

You never know when you will need knowledge? There is a distinct difference between knowledge and information. Many people confuse information for knowledge!

What are the steps you can take to build your knowledge in your chosen fields?

Here they are:

1. Choose the fields in which you want to build your knowledge
2. Identify your sources for that knowledge-Books, Journals, Training, discussion groups---
3. Develop a plan for utilizing these resources
4. Read a book a week in your field
5. Visit book stores once a week and buy the latest books in your field
6. Buy the best sellers in your field.
7. Buy CD ROMS connected to your field
8. Record your own experience and learning connected to your field
9. Fraternize with people in your field. Discuss and exchange the latest knowledge based inputs with them
10. Study and utilize your company's knowledge management system
11. Develop communities of practice in your field-You lead the way.
12. Attend seminars and workshops in your field

The more you do these, the more demand you will be in.

Try these twelve steps; They will change your life forever.

You never know when you will need knowledge! Be prepared!

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Do you mix up support tasks from tasks that take you to your goals?

It is very easy to fill your day with support tasks.

Some examples:

• Checking your mail
• Checking your bank balance
• Paying the bills
• Cleaning your desk
• Charging your mobile
• Paying credit card account

The list can go on. These are useful activities. They need to be done. They are hygiene. However, they support your goals, but don't actually help you to reach your goals.

Example: Checking your bank balance will help you to know how much you have in the bank, but it will not increase your earning capacity nor your saving capacity.

It is important to distinguish tasks that will lead you to your goals with tasks that will support your goals.

You need to do both. You need to plan for both.

Stay tuned for future posts on this subject.

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Are you living with resources gaps? Time to take action---

Have you ever postponed getting yourself an important resource? I did! In fact, I postponed for years, buying myself a table; In our family we share the work table.

However, I bought myself a table few days back. The table is having a good impact on my productivity. I now have a place to sit and focus on the various tasks at hand; Not that I could not do it before, but I had always had to use some other place for work, other than the table, when my wife or daughter was using it.

I wish I had bought myself the table much earlier. The fact that, we lived in different countries where my consulting assignments took me did not help either.

The learning for me is that I need to examine the various resources I need, rate them on an importance scale and go about buying them.

What about you? Have you checked about the important resources you need day in day out?

Take a look at your needs and examine your current resources. If you have a gap then you need to seriously consider bridging the gap.

The result of such an endeavour can be profound and it will make your life much easier.

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Are your ideas stuck in a queue?

You may be the type who have a lot of ideas running in your head. While many people struggle to get ideas, you come up with a lot of ideas with ease. However, you find, to your dismay, that people with lesser ideas getting far ahead of you.

Why does this happen?

For many creative people, coming up with ideas becomes an end in itself instead of a means of achieving success. They may even take pride in labeling themselves as Mr. Creative or Ms. Genius.

If your ideas get stuck in a queue, then they die.

There is something strange about ideas.

Ideas live only if they are executed!

It is important to examine your hit rate with ideas. Are your brilliant ideas fading out in the long queue because you are just sitting on your hands doing nothing?

Take stock! Take action!

What is your experience? Do share your thoughts here!

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Seven steps to stop yourself from anticipating and worrying about disasters!

All of us, some time or another, have anticipated or rather worried about an impending disaster.

It may be an interview we need to participate in for a job offer or a presentation to a client we need to make or resolve a conflict with a co-worker ---

Painting a picture of disaster in your mind will not only stress you up, but, also, will set you up for failure.

When was the last time you imagined a major disaster upon yourself and got totally stressed up?

Think about it, while you read about the 7 steps that will free you completely from the grips and aftereffects of your imagination

Here is what you need to do:

Remember, at least, last three times, you got your self into a panic. Did what happened later match your imagination. Invariably, you will find that none of the disasters you imagined actually happened. Even if it had happened, still it was not as bad as you had imagined it to be.

Look at each of the interim events , things or people you are imagining that will lead you to the disaster. Challenge them in writing. When you write your fears and anxieties on paper, it has a near therapeutic effect; Read and challenge them on paper

Paint an opposite picture in your mind; Preferably write them down again on paper- read and smile.

Imagine your close friend has come to you with the same anxiety and fear. What will you counsel him? Role play it your mind. You may be surprised at the counsel you hear yourself giving to your friend. Remember! You can befriend yourself and give yourself the same advice.

Talk to a close friend about your fear. Let her counsel you about it. Follow your counsel.

Remember the worst problem you had encountered in the past, victoriously! Go through the memory in full detail and revel in how clever you were in overcoming it. Compare that problem to this imaginary problem that has not even occurred.

Look at what you are imagining carefully and identify areas where you can take direct action to prevent those areas from creating trouble.; Develop contingency plans too. Prepare carefully and leave the rest to God.

What is your experience? Do share your thoughts here!

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How to use the "power of routines"?

It is so easy for you to get caught in routines. This can be good or it can be bad. It depends on the nature of routines. Most of the people underestimate the power of routines and its influence on their lives.

Routines can either make or break you. Routines can keep you healthy or put you on to the path to illness. Routines can make you rich or drive you down to poverty.

What are the different kinds of routines you follow? Understanding the types of routines is the first step to mastering them.

See the picture before you read further.

There are four kinds of routines:

• The blind routine: These are the routines that has been set unconsciously and you have been following without examining them. They are dysfunctional- On the softer side they can cause hindrance and on the harsher side they can cause great harm. Example: Throwing your important papers around your home; Swiping your credit card mindlessly.
• The lucky routine: These are routines that are very useful for you but they have been set unconsciously. You are lucky to have these routines and they help you every step of the way. Going for a walk with your spouse daily-you both get an opportunity to talk and and additionally get the benefits of walking; This routine happened naturally, as both of you never planned it consciously.
• The dumb routine: These are routines you have consciously set up that are useless or harmful-Your colleague and you go down to the smoking area for a smoke; Both of you want to catch up and talk, and you consciously decided that meeting in the smoking zone and smoking together is the best way to accomplish both-talking and smoking.
• Smart Routine: Example: You set up a routine of listing the goals you want to achieve the next day, the previous night. These are the routines you have consciously decided and they lead you to your goals.

It is important to examine the mix of routines you have; Weed out the dysfunctional routines, both conscious and unconscious ones, and replace them with beneficial ,conscious ones.

Set your routines right! You will be well on your way to abundance, health, success, and happiness.

What is your experience? Do share your thoughts here!

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When was the last time you went down the memory lane of the moments you spent with your father?

When was the last time you went down the memory lane of the moments you spent with your father?

Today was the day, many years back, I lost my father. I will never forget the day. I received a telegram stating that he has expired. I was in another town and caught the immediately available transportation home. The loss is irreplaceable.

I was very close to my father. He was my friend, philosopher and guide. He was there for me every step of the way, until that fateful day.

Today I just have memories of him. As I looked back at the many years that have gone by since his passing, how many times have I consciously decided to focus on his memories? Most of the time it was at random. May be mind has a way of guarding itself from pain and loss and keeps these memories far below the surface.

As I look back I feel only love and affection for him, the pain has subsided, even though I miss him especially when I want to share my success and happiness with him.

Today I have decided to periodically look back, as a conscious effort, and relive the memories with him-remember the various incidents, the lessons embedded in them, the love and joy that we experienced together.

I have also decided on a project- Collect all the photos of him, connect to the event when the photo was taken, and relive those moments. I have also decided to develop a collage of pictures in a video format carefully narrating the incident, the lessons he taught, and some insight into the person he was.

I think this will reinforce the lessons he taught me and also I will record details of him for my family and future generations.

A large part of the good things and the success that has happened to me I owe it to my father, who molded me to the person who I am today. He along with my mother were the prime architects of my character, values, and strengths that are responsible for my success. I am eternally grateful to them. Hopefully, I, along with my wife, will be able to transmit these values, character and strength to my daughter and her children when she raises her family.

Do you interpret and then act or act and then interpret?

Day in day out we are exposed to events, tasks, results, and our own internal desires. Most of us interpret it and generate a vicious cycle of disaster (see the first figure-Interpretation before action).

Example:

• Result: we are exposed to our disorganized home


• Interpretation: Organizing the house is a painful and boring job


• Generate feeling: Feeling of boredom


• Form belief: I don't enjoy organizing


• Label: I am a poor organizer


• Action or avoid action: I do nothing about organizing the house


• Result: More disorganization

This vicious cycle continues till a major disaster strikes; Even then change is limited to your capacity to interpret.

Let me give you a virtuous cycle-(Act and then interpret)

Act: Instead of interpreting we begin to act. We postpone interpreting

Positive results: We make progress. We get positive results- apart of our house is now organized

Interpret: That wasn't difficult. In fact I liked organizing and I did get the house organized, even though it is a small area of the house

Generate positive belief: I am beginning to enjoy organizing; Organizing the house is easy if I start small and continue for a few days till I get the whole house spic and span.

Dislodge dysfunctional label: I am not a poor organizer.In I am a good organizer; In a few days I will be great organizer

This is a virtuous cycle that will put you well on the path to getting your house organized and you becoming a good organizer.

You can apply this virtuous cycle in every area of life.

Try it out! It will change your life.

What is your experience? Do share your thoughts here!
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Do you have the habit of checking on your resources before you venture upon something?

I caught the company bus today and I was well on my way to a meeting when I suddenly realized that it was raining outside. Even though it is a rainy season in Mumbai, we experienced little rain in the last few days; So I forgot to take an umbrella.

This set me thinking-If only I had checked on what resources I needed before I left for the day, I would not be without an umbrella.

Many of us jump at an activity or a journey without thinking through the resources we need to accomplish the activity or get through a journey.

It is not enough to set goals or define tasks, It is also important to define the resources we need to accomplish that goal or to do that task.

Goals can be achieved through action and if we need to act, we will need the resources that enables the action to be executed.

You need to do the following:

Have a resource pause and ask your self the following question:

What resources do I need?

This one question can save you a lot of time and trouble.

Try it out.

What is your experience? Do share your thoughts here!

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What is one of the best ways to boost your self-esteem?

One of the sure fire ways to boost your self-esteem is to help someone in real need of help. The help could be in form of you doing something for them or it could be a financial support when they need money suddenly or it could be both.

The more you help others in different ways, the more your self-esteem will grow.

How do you go about helping others?

Here are a few tips:

• Be alert to opportunities that will come by your way
• Scan your community and plan your help strategy
• Join social groups that are involved in helping others
• Begin with your friends and relatives

Try it out! The trick is not to wait for grand opportunities to help others, it is to grab any opportunity, even a small one and help others with a sincere desire to do so with no thought of any return from them in any kind.

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