How do you treat your senior citizens?

An incident, yesterday, at the mall shocked me and taught me a very important lesson!

We were searching for some drawing tools for my new hobby; I am learning to draw cartoons.

As we went from one aisle to another, we finally reached the aisle where the stationary items were displayed.

I went half way in and my way was blocked by a man who did not respond to me when I told him, "Excuse me!"; As I moved forward, when I got a chance, I told him to stand aside, as he was blocking the way of others.
My tone was tough, rough, and expressed exasperation. As we continued to search for the items in that aisle, a lady came to me and said that the person, who was blocking the way, was an old man, 72 years old.

She picked up a fight with me and said, "That is not the way to talk to an old man!" I further got irritated and put her in her place!

Later on while reflecting on the incident, I felt that I had committed serious error.

Why did this happen?

Here are the reasons:

• I assumed that the man stood there, blocking the way, on purpose
• I assumed that he did not care for me
• I assumed that he was arrogant
• I did not even look at the man and hence, did not notice that he was old

Here are some more thoughts that came to me while reflecting on the incident:

• May be he was deaf
• May be he had a recent operation and could not move swiftly
• May be his reflexes are slow at his age
• May be he was preoccupied with his worries and did not hear me
• May be he was arrogant

I always thought I was a compassionate person.

I learnt that you can be compassionate only if you are aware!

You can be compassionate only if you observe others and their situation.

You can be compassionate only if you pause and not react blindly to your assumptions.

Another lesson I learnt is that old people are like children. We need to take care of them and ensure that they do not come in the way of others or are not a nuisance others.

We need to be behind them, just as we would be with a small child. We need the compassion and caring to do so!

I decided that never again will I loose my temper because of my assumptions. I also decided to be more aware of others to be more compassionate.

What is your experience? Do share your thoughts here!

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When was the last time you gave courage to someone?

Recently we came to know that one of our relatives (a 31 year old lady) was diagnosed of a serious, life threatening illness; Her family members are completely shaken up; especially the girl's mother.

What do you say to such a family that is in shock? It is very important to carefully decide before hand what needs to be told.

This is how we handled it:

• We expressed our shock and sadness to them
• We talked to the close people around that girl, especially the girl's mother

We told her that:

• This is the time for courage.
• This is the time to be tough.
• This is the time to give a lot of courage to your daughter
• This is the time to keep saying that everything will be fine
• This is the time to guard your daughter from every negative thought, every negative people and every negative situation
• This is the time to accept what has happened and to start doing things to cure the disease
• This is the time to fight back at the disease
• This is the time to go to war against the disease
• This is the time to take charge and lead the battle, for your daughter needs you to lead more than any other time in her life
• This is the time to take charge and guide every other family member about the situation
• This is the time to use the wonderful advances in medical science and wage a war

We left her with this thought:

No battle is lost until the last bullet has been fired! Be tough! Be courageous! Be positive! Give your best fight! Trust in doctors after choosing the best ones; More than anything else, trust in God!

We also told her that we will always be with her and her family in this fight!

Trust in God; Do your best;Fight with an attitude to win!

This is what we realized after we gave courage to them!

It is in these kind of situations your family or friends need your support! It is easy to play, have fun, enjoy, when things are going right with them; You need a lot of courage your self to give courage.

When was the last time you gave courage to others? If you have not done so, then it is time to reexamine your values and start giving courage to the needy; More than any gift you can give a human, it is the courage to face the battle of life that will be prized the most!

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Trust in God; Do your best;Fight with an attitude to win!

What we realized after talking to the girl's mother

How to break the chains that bind you?

All of us drag chains with heavy weights attached to it. These chains prevent us from achieving success and reaching our full potential.

Everyone of us has at least one big iron ball chained to our legs or our hands are tied as we go through life?

Examples of chains that bind you:

- Laziness
- Disorganization
- Insensitive nature
- Pleasure centered living
- A bad habit

The list can go on. It is important to draw up a list and identify which chain and iron ball is holding you back; The one that is the biggest.

Take decision to day to untie and unchain yourself with that one thing that binds you, hinders you, and prevents you from reaching your full potential.

It is time for you to untie and unchain yourself!

Here is what you need to do:

• Develop top 5 list of chains that bind you


• Identify one chain that is impeding your progress to the greatest extent


• Use overriding will (see previous post) and break that chain


• Develop strategies to educate your will (see previous post)


• Educate your automatic will


• Take a zero tolerance stand


• Monitor periodically for success



• Reward yourself periodically


• Start with the reward right now ( you have read this post and decided to act on it)-you deserve it!


• Stabilize the change and move on to the next chain

Try this out! Break one chain at a time and set yourself free to soar the skies of achievement!

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Do share your experience here by commenting on this post!

Do you know how to use your will?

There are three kinds of will.

They are listed below*:

• The automatic will
• The overriding will
• The educated will

What is an automatic will?
It is your will that has been hijacked by a habit or an external stimulus.

What is an overriding will?

It is the will you use to overcome the tremendous pull a habit or an external stimulus arouses in you to act by using the associated automatic will

What is an educated will?

It is the automatic will associated with a habit or a recurring stimulus that is educated to respond differently

It is important to examine our actions and check which of these wills are acting. Most of the people have their will subordinated by impulses, habits and strong external stimuli.

It is important to use your overriding will and train and educate your automatic will to respond differently.

The more educated will you have the more your life will go in the direction you want it to go.

Example: You have this great urge to smoke. The urge comes from your habit, the stimulus-withdrawal symptoms of nicotine acting upon you, and the external stimulus of your friend offering you a cigarette. Your automatic will overpowers any thought of avoiding to smoke and you yield.

You have two alternatives:

One alternative is to use your overriding will and say no. This requires tremendous energy and your overriding will needs to be strong enough, by constant use, to do so. It will be difficult to use only the overriding will because at some point it may be exhausting to do so.

Another alternative is to use your overriding will and say "NO" and then educate your automatic will to respond differently.

You will decide and teach your automatic will the following:

• Your automatic will be taught to avoid situations that are conducive to smoking
• Your automatic will be taught to say no to your friend, explaining him that you are giving up smoking
• Your automatic will be taught to throw away the cigarette with one puff, even if you yield to smoking
• Your automatic will be taught to substitute cigarette with say coffee or tea

The point I am trying to drive at is that your will need to be educated to deal with the strong pull of a habit or an external stimulus.

The strategies I have provided, with respect to smoking, need not work for you; What you need to do is develop your own strategies to get rid of smoking.

You can apply this powerful approach and set things right in your life. Once you educate your automatic will it will behave differently

Remember: Educated Will + Skill + Educated Will directed environment is the formula for success.

Try it out and do share your experience here.

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Do you read, watch movie or TV indiscriminately?

There are many movies I wish I had not seen. This is one of the reasons why we as a family is very careful while taking our daughter to the movies; Similarly there are many TV programs that I should never have watched.

My father was always cautious and checked the books I read when I was a child.

I read a lot! I have plenty of very good books, however, I have also come across books that do not match my values or they are plain wrong in the stance they take.

The problem with books is that you cannot have a dialogue with the author and disagree with him.

Hence, it is important to be careful while buying books; otherwise you can have an indigestion; So is it with movies or television. To give you an example, there was one frightening movie that I saw as a child that haunted me for a long time

What is your experience? Do share it here.

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Do you know you always have a choice?

How do you react when life doesn't match up the way you want it to? You feel you have lost it and everything seems dark in front of you.


Here is a poem that will light your way!

You always have a choice!*

There will be times when things will go wrong, very wrong,
And life will no more be a happy song,

There will be times when you wish you were never born,
And life will gift you a thorn

There will be times when, in sorrow, you drown,
And life will push you down and further down,

It is in these times, you need to stand up, fight,
Fight hard to set things right,

It is in these times, you need to find poems & prose,
And throw the thorn and search for the rose,

It is in these times you need to embrace your strife,
Strive hard and fully live your life,

It is in these times you need to wipe your frown, smile,
And get going and go for the extra mile,

For always, you have a choice, to find your voice,
And use that voice to tell you that you have a choice.

*© Muralidharan Jayaram

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Do you expect to hit a home run every time?

There are times when you will perform excellently. There will also be times when you don't perform well, for what ever reason; when that happens, you need to quickly learn and move on.

The point I am trying to make is that all of us are humans and not robots. There are days when we will shine through but there will also be days when we mess up, perhaps mess up big time.

You need to learn and move on; A dysfunctional thing to do is to ruminate negatively and get yourself into a negative state or even depression.

Sometimes things go wrong even if you have put in all the efforts. You always have choice to learn from the situation and move on.

Moreover, the situation you have experienced may be the best thing that could have happened to you; Who Knows? There may come a time in future when you look back to this situation and realize the immense life changing contribution it made; You may even say "Thank You!"

Are you ruminating too much on things that have gone wrong or the mess up you have created?

Stop! Reflect! Learn! Let Go! Move on in life!

Do share your experience here.

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How do you put distance in a relationship?

The more closer you get with a person more the chances he will take you for granted. This is true especially with relatives. Sometimes people take you for granted to the point of violating your rights and even ignoring you when you need them most. How do you handle such a situation?

Here are some very important points to remember:

• You always have a choice to determine what this relationship means to you
• You have the right to choose to keep the relationship or put a distance between you and the person/s in question
• You also have the right to completely cut off the relationship
• Whatever your choice, you need to plan your moves well

Steps to put a distance between you and the person whom you want to put in place:

• Take a decision to continue to respect the person as a human being
• Take a decision you will be polite and never hurt her
• When you meet regulate the natural warmth you feel, if any, for the person (this is more applicable if the person is your close relative-cousin, uncle, aunt---)
• After the initial greeting, talk only if that person talks to you
• Answer to the point, politely, what ever questions the other person asks
• Do not ask any question! The conversation should be a "one way traffic"
• Team up with your spouse or a mutual relative or friend, let her talk to the person as usual so that the contrast is enhanced
• Watch the magical transformation that will happen in the person in question. If the transformation doesn't happen the relationship was not worth in the first place
• Always keep your end of the transactions polite, kind, cold, and distant

These steps above are extremely powerful. Take them ONLY if you have decided, enough is enough, and you want this person to be put in his place once and for all.

There is a better alternative to the above steps which I strongly recommend you try before you take these steps; That is open communication with the individual to tell her the impact of her behavior on you and the feelings her behaviour generates in you. If the person understands and is sincere then she will change. You can negotiate that change.

However, there are some relationships you want to put a distance to because you are sure, for what ever reason, that it is not worth it; It is in these types of relationships, the steps, I have suggested, will work wonders.

The person will take immediate notice of the change in behaviour. He will either approach you because he wants to find the reason and correct the situation or he may get the message and move on.

In either situation, you have the choice either to continue the relationship or maintain it at the cold distance or completely cut it off.

In case the person approaches you to get the relationship warmer, then you need to tell him the reason for the cold distance - the impact of the series of his behaviours and the hurt and bad feelings that the behaviors aroused in you.

It is up to you to define the various relationships you have in life and you need to choose how that relationship should be;Never give up that choice

Try these and do write your experience here.

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Are you monitoring the gradual changes around and within you?

Sudden changes could be dangerous, but gradual changes can be devastating. Let me explain this.
We easily notice the sudden changes. They catch our attention and we need to take action. However, most of us, completely miss the gradual changes that affect us until it becomes so painful that we are unable to ignore them anymore.

Examples

• Gradual loss of hair
• Erosion of trust
• Slow loss of self-control
• Gradual accumulation of clutter
• Gradual gain of weight
• Slow and steady deterioration of a relationship
• Gradual loss of customers
• Gradual erosion of our values
• Gradual move towards becoming redundant

The list an go on.

How do we combat this?

The only way is to be alert and monitor the changes.

Here are a few steps you can take:

1. Identify areas in your life that is subject to gradual changes;The list can be very long
2. Prioritize the areas you will monitor
3. Assess the extent of erosion
4. Develop action plan to arrest the erosion
5. Develop action plan to reverse the erosion completely, if possible
6. Revisit the list periodically

Do it now before it is too late!

Do it before the change attains a critical mass!

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Do you use the power of music to move you?

I was watching a show recently where professional singers, each having a totally different style of music, were performing. I could see and feel the mood of the audience swing as the different themes of music and songs were sung.

I could also feel the music arousing in me, the very same moods that the audience were experiencing (I was watching this on television).

At one point, one singer sang a very jubilant and bubbly song with a corresponding jubilant effect on the audience, while the next performer sang a serious, sad, and thought provoking song. The latter singer changed the jubilant audience with just few lines of her song to a sober, silent, thoughtful and even tearful audience.

The transformation was magical and immediate; This set me thinking.

How about using music to change our moods deliberately. I have been neglecting this powerful tool all my life.

Every one of us need a collection of music to change our moods; Now with ipods around, let's put technology and music to proper use.

Just imagine hearing very inspiring music, every day. Just imagine having a menu of music to select from.

I have decided to collect music carefully, the ones that will inspire me, and load them onto my ipod; Here is another idea-How about having different ipods for different moods?

What do you think? D0 you have a collection?

Do share your experience here.

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Why do you feel closer to people you care, when you are about to leave them?

I was asked a deep and profound question by my daughter.

The question:

• Why do you feel closer to people you care, when you are about to leave them?

I was also asked a follow up question:

• Why do you feel closer when you stay apart from people you care about?

These questions set me thinking! I went back in time, to the points in my life where I had to part with people, I deeply cared about; The cause of the parting may have been varied, from mere re-location to losing the person permanently, when they pass away.

Why do we wait for the last moment to feel closer! Is it because we are complacent and take relationships for granted?

How easy it is, for you, to get caught up with life's heavy demands and forget the very people who define your life.

We need not wait till the point where we have to move away from people to feel closer with them.

In fact, you need to take every meeting to a level where you get closer and closer with the people you care about. It does not happen without your active involvement in the relationship.

Every relationship is an eternal celebration!

Think about it! Reach out to the people you love!

Do share your experience here.

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How do you handle betrayal?

A close relative of ours came to our home with his family to invite us for his daughter's wedding. In the course of our conversation, he revealed how his sister and brother are not participating in the wedding. The reason he said was they sided the opposition in a property dispute and betrayed him. There was a lot of hurt in his eyes as he was the one who had supported them through out all these years.

My question: How do you handle such betrayal?
Here are some tips:

• You need to protect your interest so that you are not cheated
• You need to voice your feelings of hurt to the ones who betrayed you
• You need to forget and forgive them, more for your well being than theirs;Such an act has therapeutic effect on you
• Maintain distance with them more to protect yourself and your family
• Move on with life. Make new connections and mingle with people who can reciprocate your trust
• Continue to help the ones who betrayed you as before; this may sound crazy but I think we need to keep our end of the equation right
• Teach your children the lesson you learnt
• never gossip about the ones who betrayed you
• Pray for the well being of the ones who betrayed you

I think you do this and you will keep your heart and mind clean, free from the toxic effects of anger, self-pity, and hatred.

Do share your experience here.

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How to move at rapid acceleration to your goals?

Please read the previous post before you read any further.

Each of these quadrants need to have a name to apply this powerful concept on a day to day basis. I have named them using the greek alphabets. These names will serve as a short cut to classify your activities in to the quadrants.

The names of all the four choice goal quadrants are given below:

• Activities chosen by you, on your own and they are aligned to your goals: 5α


• Activities chosen by others/chance and they are aligned to your goals: 5β


• Activities chosen by others and they are NOT aligned to your goals: 5γ


• Activities chosen by you, on your own and they are NOT aligned to your goals: 5δ

What is 5α?
Definition:
It is a "unit of activity" done in 5 minutes that will take you to your goals and these have been chosen by you, on your own. Hence the number "5 "denotes to five minutes of any activity that can be suffixed with either α,β,γ, or δ depending on the nature of the activity, as explained above.

The more you pack your day with 5α activities, the quicker you will reach your goals. It is not possible to avoid 5β activities as we live in an interdependent and collaborative world. However, these activities take you to your goals, anyway, and they need to be included. These activities also build relationships with others when you deliver what you promise to them.

The danger is in the activities 5γ and 5δ as they are no way connected to your goals. The more you pack your minutes with these activities, the more the danger of missing your goals completely.

Look at the picture and you will see different bands of activities over the period of your waking hours, which may be 16-18 hours.

what is the percentage distribution of the various activities? Does your band for today or yesterday resemble the first band or the 4Th band or any of the bands in between.

Draw your band for yesterday or today. How does it look? Are you happy? Are you in control?

Asking these questions and taking remedial steps will have profound impact on the way you live your life! Use this tool regularly!
Do share your experience here.

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Are the activities you choose aligned to your goals?

Look at the picture above and ask yourself the following questions:

• Where does your choice fit in?
• How much of "you" is there in every activity you select to act upon?
• Are you acting on the activities chosen by chance or others?
• How many of the activities you chose are aligned to your goals?
• Which quadrant do you fall in most of the time?

The more activities you do that are aligned to your goals, the more the achievement and fun you will have in life.

Think about it carefully!

Monitor your selection of activities!

Live in the quadrants that are aligned to your goals! Use this Choice-goal quadrants to monitor yourself!

Do share in your experience here of using this quadrant.

Stay tuned for future posts where I will share a technique to live in the quadrant, where you are in control and the activities you select always are aligned to your goals majority of the time.

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Do you know how to set up virtuous cycles of action to your advantage?

Read the previous post before you read this post.

We need to know how to set up virtuous cycles of recurring actions that get automated by installing them as habits.

The more virtuous cycles we have, the easier and productive our lives will be.

It is very easy to set up these cycles and I will show you how to set one up.

Study the picture before you read further.

Here is the cyclical process you need to follow:

• Develop an inventory of focus areas where you would like to set up a virtuous cycle of action-Example-exercise, balancing your check book, filing your tax returns, saving money, hobby cycle-photography, ---


• Chose one to focus upon and set a cycle


• Visualize all the fun and benefits you will have if you regularly act on the focus area and set the overall goal to be accomplished regularly


• Visualize all the fun, benefits you will miss and the negative consequences, if any, that will follow, if you do not act upon this focus area


• Decide to enhance the value you place on this activity by keeping this focus area in your awareness, frequently. The frequency will depend on the nature of the activity


• Break the activity into 5 to 10 minutes chunks and set milestones and sub-goals; Go for these chunks


• Sequence these 5 to 10 minutes chunks ,appropriately and logically


• Determine the resources required to accomplish the activity and realign the environment in which the activity takes place in a manner that the resources required for the activity is easily accessible.


• Frequently visualize the negative consequences first and then the positive consequences, to inspire yourself to act


• Act and accomplish the results that were preset for this focus area


• Monitor the resources constantly so that these resources are available for you, when you need them, to feed the action cycle


• Stop the process and move on to set up another virtuous cycle, once the current one has become a habit

Try this and change your life for good one virtuous cycle at a time.

Do share your experience here.

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Are you aware of the basic, powerful principles of action?

How is it that we do some tasks very easily and they become habits? Why are some tasks so difficult that they don't stick as habits? What are the principles that will convert useful tasks to become sticky habits of a lifetime?

Here are the powerful principles for you:

• Higher the value you attach to an activity the more chance it becomes a recurring habit
• Breaking down an activity into 5 minutes sequential steps enhances the chance of it becoming a habit
• Identifying a milestone for every 5 minutes, till you reach the final milestone of that activity, enhances the chance of it becoming a recurring habit
• Going through the sequential steps every day for the next 21 days enhances the chance of it becoming a habit
• Visualizing discomfort of not going through the sequential steps of the activity enhances the chances of it becoming a habit
• Having tools and other resources ready and having them placed spatially and contextually in a manner conducive to the ease of execution of the sequential steps of the activity, will enhance the chances of it being done everyday, forever
• Monitoring the availability of the resources and tools and consistently replenishing them when they get depleted goes a long way in helping the activity to become a habit

Put these principles to steer useful activities to become habits of a lifetime.

Do share your experience here.

Are you aware of your talents?

I was watching a reality show and saw some kids come up to the stage and sing songs (Bollywood/Pop songs) imitating the professionals who were present there. I could see the expression of delight on the professionals' faces as they heard their own song being sung, to near perfection, by these kids.

These kids were so good and so talented! It is really a boon for these kids to have their talent spotted, so early in their lives! They have all the time in the world to nurture and perfect their talents; Set me thinking deeply!!!

How many of us have the opportunity to be aware of our talents early in life?

I think there is a flaw in our educational system or the way we upbring our children that prevents the surfacing of the talents in them, early on.

Are you aware of your talents? What if, in your childhood, your special talent was identified and you had an opportunity to nurture it, just like the kids I saw on the reality show? Would life be different, for you, today?

These thoughts set me thinking deeper!

Do you realize that people who charge obscene money for their performance are all related to the special talents they have?

Example:

• Actors
• Pop stars
• Authors
• Business men
• Thought leaders

Is it too late for you or me to identify our talents and nurture them? I am sure the answer is a resounding "No".

The challenge, however, is to know the process by which we can identify our talents!

Stay tuned for future posts on how to identify your talents!

Meanwhile, ask yourself these important questions!

• Do I know my unique talent?
• Am I nurturing my unique talent?
• Is my talent matured enough to give me commercial returns?
• What is the one, unique talent I possess that I can excel and reach the "level of masters"?

Of course, it is NOT necessary to turn your talent into money; That is a very personal decision and choice.

It is a choice, only you can make!

What are your thoughts on this? Do share in your comments here!

What is the "life" of a bad habit in you?

All of us have good and bad habits. Some of the habits are "living" in you for a long time. They have a mind of their own and they control you, even though you have the illusion that you are in control.


How long have the dysfunctional, bad habits "living" in you? It is time, now, to exterminate the bad habits one by one.

Here are some steps to start the process:

• Identify and list down on paper or create an electronic list of all your bad habits
• Highlight the ones that are most dysfunctional and are causing you a lot of trouble
• Determine how long these habits have been "living" in you and controlling you
• Choose a habit-It is better to choose the easy ones first so that you can get a quick win (See the previous post)
• Develop an action plan with a timeline for extermination
• Take the first step now
• Celebrate the success
• Get back to the list and continue the process

Try this and see how this can completely change the way you live.

It is time now to take back the control! Do it right now after you finish reading this post.

Do share your experience here for the inspiration of others.

Do you search for quick wins?

There are many areas in life where we can search for quick wins. Let's define a quick win.
Definition:
A quick win is a result we can achieve with minimal effort or even maximal effort within a short period of time, called quick win time window.
The length of the "short period of time" will depend on the nature of your activity.

Hence we need to do the following to identify quick wins:

• Look at the overall effort required


• Look at the overall results required


• Identify major and minor milestones


• Define long term, short term, and quick win time lines


• Scan and search for the ones that can be achieved in a quick win time period


• Choose a single activity that would give you a quick, satisfying win


• Plan and execute this activity.


• Enjoy the quick win

Example:
Loose weight*:

• Overall effort: Exercising, diet, and following a regime of do's and don'ts
• Overall results: loose 20 kgs
• Major milestones: 1Kg loss---5Kgs loss---
• Long term win: Loss of 20 Kgs
• Short term win: Loss of 10 kgs
• Quick win: Loss of 1 kg
• Quick win single activity: Completely stop coke, junk food, sweets and other fattening food
• Execute the activity with the prime focus on the quick win activity. However nothing stops you from adding other activities. The deal is that even if you miss other activities, you CANNOT miss the quick win activity
• Attain 1 Kg or more loss
• Enjoy
• Repeat the process

Try this out and get quick wins from all areas of your life.

DO share your experience here
* Any weight loss activities please consult your doctor first before trying any suggestion. What I have given here is an example

Are you aware of how you interpret life?

Every event, idea, person and whatever you come across in your day-to-day life is subject to your interpretation. Over a period of time you fall into a habit of interpreting in a certain way that is either good or dysfunctional to you.

Your mind is so quick to take a stance that you almost miss noticing it or you are completely unaware of what is happening. The result is that it affects your behavior and your attitude.

It is important to monitor the way you interpret and draw meaning in your life; This is possible only in solitude.

Here is an exercise for you:

• Take time out to be alone
• Reflect back at your life
• Pick few events from the distant past and check whether your interpretation and your subsequent actions were functional and wholesome
• Pick some events that happened recently and check how you interpreted them.
• Were your interpretations and the subsequent thoughts and actions conducive to your success?
• How are you interpreting, at this very moment, this exercise.
• Try to spot a trend
• Take action steps to change the way you interpret life if you find it dysfunctional to you and your success

Try this exercise a few times. You will find that changing the way you interpret your life is the key to living life to the fullest.

Get into the habit of periodically doing this exercise to ensure you have developed wholesome habits of the way you give meaning to everything around you and inside you.

Do share in your experience here!

How can you get back your magic moments with your loved ones?

It is so easy to take your relationships for granted. Many a times your loved ones are the ones most neglected.

• When was the last time you gave a gift to your wife?
• When was the last time you played with your son?
• When was the last time you told a story to your daughter?
• When was the last time you visited your grandfather?

In the past certain activities might have defined your relationship with a loved one. These are the activities that got both of you closer. In this mad-rush world we quickly get distracted and forget those lovely times we had with our loved ones.

Distance, time, age, and the stress and strain of day-to-day living begins to erase those lovely moments; then suddenly, you are brought face to face with the gap and the lost opportunities. It is a very painful experience.

Resolve to make use of every opportunity to bring back those magic moments with your loved ones.

Reach out now! You will be amazed at the impact it can have on you.

Do share your experience here. Enjoy---

Have you created a daily dashboard for yourself?

It is important to have a daily dashboard that guides you to take course correction. We usually get focused on one thing or another and get blind sided to the rest; Very soon we get our lives dangerously imbalanced.

Imbalance has tremendous impact on our quality of life.

Please find below some symptoms

• You are extremely successful professionally but lost out on family relationship
• You are successful and have a good family relationship, but financially you have created a mess
• You are so focused on friends and relationship that you neglect your professional life
• You are so busy getting through the day that you forget to stop and learn
• You find you are living a life against your values or your values have quietly shifted
• You have completely missed out on the spiritual goals you set
• You find that it is more than a year since you spent some quiet time with yourself
• You have no friends

Well, these are some of the symptoms. It generally manifests itself as a feeling of restlessness, for you know deep in your heart that you are spinning your wheels and getting no where.

The antidote to this frightful state, is daily monitoring. What you need to do is construct a dashboard with which you can constantly monitor and course correct.

The dashboard, I use is depicted in the figure. You may begin with a few of the dials as you may have not constructed data feed for all the dials

Explanation:

Physical:

• Exercise, nutrition, relaxation, sleep etc.

Learning:

• Professional, new skills, training, new hobbies---

Living and adding values:

• Your values, value shifts, and your daily contribution levels in various areas of your life

Financial:

• Your bank balance, spending pattern, debt, earning capacity---

Relationship:

• Your family, friends, new network you have been nurturing---

Spiritual:

• Your spiritual goals, exercises, meditation---

You have to build your dashboard; Some of the dials need a lot of intra-personal work but you have to build it sooner or later.

Use this powerful concept to live a balanced life. Your dashboard will not only make your life richer, it will also make your life balanced.

Use dashboard daily!

Try it out and share your experience here.

Use this tool to make your life productive!

We are living in times when we need to focus on multiple things. Assembly line approach to work is ineffective in most of the situations we find ourselves in; This is true, especially, if you are a knowledge worker.

In an attempt to solve this problem many people try multitasking. Multitasking is not only dangerous, it is outright ineffective.

It can result in burn out and you will end up producing low quality work.

What I am posting here is a tool that will help you to succeed. The tool is simple and fun to use.

Try it out! Refer to the picture which is self-explanatory.

• Scan: You scan for 3 minutes or longer for various activities
• Spot: You spot an activity based on the context, situation and the goals you have in mind
• Focus: You focus on the activity for a preset time
• Accomplish: You accomplish the preset goal for the activity
• Stop: You stop the activity
• Break: You take a break which is predetermined

You go through the cycle again and again through out the day. At night you take a long break-you sleep. Next day you continue---

Try it for a day. You will be stunned at what you can accomplish.

Do share in your experience here.

How much do you use the things you buy?

Week in week out we shop. One of our favourite pastimes is to go to a mall and window shop; very soon window shopping becomes actual shopping.


The things we buy usually are:

1. Books


2. DVD


3. Clothes


4. gadgets


5. magazines


6. grocery


7. vegetables


8. perfumes


9. Watches


10. Jewellery


11. trinkets


12. Stationary

The list can go on and on. I am sure you can come with a similar list or even a more comprehensive one.

In addition to this we subscribe to magazines, buy comics, subscribe to all kinds of channels on satellite TV.

As I look back to the past six months, I am amazed and also stunned. A thought immediately struck me.

How much of what we buy do we actually use?

• There are many books I have not yet read


• There are many magazines I have not read-Example-Harvard Business Review


• There are movies (DVDs) we have not yet seen (Last Saturday I subscribed to a home delivery movie rental agency)


• There are channels on my TV I have never seen


• There are regular channels I have not watched for a long time


• I have not used my Nikon D80 SLR for a long time


• I have not used my Sony Camcorder for a long time


• We have not used our printer and scanner for a very, very, very long time


• I have one more TV neatly packed in a box


• I have 18 hours of digital video tapes not yet processed and burnt on DVD

I think I will stop here because this is becoming a really long painful list.

The point I am driving at is this:

We buy a lot of things (It costs money to buy) and we use it very erratically or do not use it at all.

We need to take stock of stuff we buy/subscribe. and we need to use them to our advantage. I think systematically planning to use the stuff we have and using them is the sign of prosperity and plenty; Otherwise you may have everything and still live an impoverished life.

We need to have gratitude for all the stuff we have and use them wisely.

Take stock! Are you doing justice to the effort you put in and the money you spent?

Look around you and use the stuff you have wisely. It is the best foot you can put forward to live life prosperously.

When was the last time you thought of your best friends?

It is important in life to have friends; More important to have true friends; And extremely important to have best friends. While it is easy to have acquaintances, it is very difficult to have good friends. If you have good friends and few of them are your best friends you can count yourself as a very lucky one on this dreary planet we are living in.

I would like to share with you a beautiful poem composed by my daughter. She composed this for her best friends. I found an universality in this poem and hence I am posting it for all of you who will read this post.

The Poem:

My Dear Friend…

Friendship… what does it mean?
A question in the mind of every teen
An answer I have found through a few
Cause I have friends that are very true!

I think I truly am a really lucky girl,
As I silently watch true friendship unfurl
Cause my friends, they are always there,
And they never let me any sorrow bear

Across the distances long and forlorn,
To be the best of friends we were born
Such high standards for us we have set,
But I trust you’ll surpass it, do not fret

Be it in the morning, evening or at anytime,
Even at midnight I wouldn’t think for even a dime
Where ever you are, India or U S A,
I know your support is always on its way

You follow every single unwritten rule,
To not honor you, I would be a fool!
I will not thank you cause you’re my friend,
But I can promise to love you till the very end!

Do share in your experiences.

Try this quantum leap experiment!!!

Look back at the week gone by. How did it go? Did you achieve the goals you set? Did you set goals at all?---

These are the few questions and many more that are going around in my head, as I sit on this Friday evening, in my office, with the weekend staring at me.

I think we need to ask these questions every week; Of all the questions that I found interesting to ask, I found a question that profoundly shook me up and energized me.

The question is:

What was the one thing I needed to change, if I had changed, that would have given me a quantum leap in productivity and quality of life last week?

Home in on that one thing you need to change and change it next week; Experiment.

This is the quantum leap experiment and the question is the quantum leap lever you can use to your advantage.

This question should act as a lever to move and turn your world around.

Every week the answer to the question may be different. Every person may get a different answer.

What is important is to get to that single, core behavior that is causing the problem or inhibiting you. Once you get to that critical behavior, you can find a way to change it.

Try it out and do share your experience in your comments to this post.

Do you use the power of subconscious processing?

Many a times I have got an idea as soon as I get up in the morning; By the time I reach my office, the idea is well formed and is ready to be acted upon.

There is a power that goes to work for me every night and that power is subconscious processing. It has never failed to give me brilliant ideas.

Given below is the way to tap the power:

1. Think of the area or problem you want your subconscious mind to process upon
2. Dwell over this problem just before you go to sleep
3. Visualize yourself getting up in the morning with a brilliant idea
4. Now relax by visiting some memory that was very pleasant to you
5. Give a command: My subconscious mind is processing the solution for the problem I just dwelt upon while I am falling into a nice relaxed sleep. My subconscious mind is continuing to process the solution which it will present to me when I wake up after a good relaxing sleep.
6. Fall asleep thinking of the good memory

It is important to word your command carefully. One needs specialized training in this and the commands have specific rules of construction.

For those who don't have this knowledge, being alert in the morning as soon as you wake up and keeping a pencil and pad at hand is an alternative route.

If you get an idea continue to think of it and process it as you shower, get dressed, eat your breakfast and commute to reach the office. Do this only if you are NOT driving to office. Always follow safety norms and ensure you are in deep thought, only in places that do not require your alertness to avoid accidents.

Let your mind work for you! Train it and it will be your best ally in the years to come.

Happy, safe idea processing!

Do you schedule sufficient time for your ideas to incubate?

Scheduling sufficient think time for creative projects is very important, especially if that project has a deadline.

You need time to think, you need time to generate new ideas and once a new idea is formed, you need time for that idea to incubate;

Hence the chain of events should be as shown below:

Start---Think time---Understand the project---Think time---Goals set----Think time---Ideas---Incubate time---Final selection.

Most of the people do not schedule think time into their projects; Very few people even know the concept of incubation time.

Incubation time gives your mind, sub conscious mind, the time to process and give you a well formed, quality idea.

In this fast track, reactive, hyperventilating world, very few people use the power of incubation time.

They just react from one situation to another and from one project to another.

You can use incubation time only if you sufficiently plan for it and schedule it.

Try it out! Do share your experience here through your comments.

Do you use the power of pause?

Do you know that there is a power in a pause? When I say pause, I mean a pause for just a few seconds. What do you do in these seconds? You reflect! You take stock! You ask your self a few questions!
Some examples:

• You get back home, mindlessly sit on your sofa and your hand reaches for the remote; Pause; Is this the best use of time?
• You open the refrigerator and look at the cake with your name written all over it. Your hand automatically moves towards the cake; Pause; Am I not dieting? How much more will I have to jog to burn the calories of this cake?
• Your peers are gossipping near the water cooler. You can see them laughing and they seem to be having lots of fun. You find yourself walking towards them; Pause; Isn't there a major report that is due at 4:00 PM?
• Your wife is upset with you because you forgot to do what you promised to do. She is giving you a feedback which sounds to you as criticism; You want to lash out and give her a piece of your mind; Pause; Isn't what she is saying true? Why did I forget to do what I promised to do?

These examples can go on and on. There is a power in the pause. It can change the course of your life. It is one of the best antidotes for slacking too.

The only time you should not pause is in an emergency situation that makes your body react to save your life: You are walking in a jungle and a tiger jumps in your track. You are driving on the highway and the car in front of you breaks suddenly. These instances call for instant action and a pause can kill you.

In other areas of your life a pause has the power to empower you to take the right course of action.

Try using the power of pause ,after you finish reading this post, for the next 24 hours. Do share your experience in your comments.

Try using the power of pause for a week. You will be amazed at the results!

Happy pausing!!!

How do you avoid your habit to slack off?

There are times when you totally get side tracked. There is a huge inertia that you need to overcome. You thought all this while that you were in perfect control of yourself and your planned effort; Then, suddenly, the bottom gives away and you have free fall;suddenly you realize that you are in the bottom of a pit or a rut.

Why does this happen?
Several reasons:

1. You are tired
2. No recreation
3. Stressed out
4. Too many changes hitting you all at once
5. Trying too many things together
6. Multi tasking
7. A sense of overwhelm
8. All or nothing thinking (Perfectionism-miss one day of exercise, get demotivated and give up totally
9. Having double set of values-wholesome and unwholesome

How do you avoid this for good? I offer two sets of strategies.

Stay tuned for future posts for these strategies.

Meanwhile, the question you need to ask yourself right is:

Am I slacking off, right now? Do I need to use some specific strategies to get out of the rut?

Do share your experience!

How are the stories around you influencing you?

We are constantly bombarded by stories. They come in different forms, shapes and guises.
I am listing below some sources of stories:

1. TV-soaps, movies, news, reality shows---
2. Movies
3. Colleagues tell you of their stories
4. Friends sharing with you their various encounters/events
5. Bosses narrating you of your peers
6. Your peers narrating you of your boss
7. News paper
8. Magazines
9. Video games
10. Internet
11. Advertisements
12. Commercials
13. SMS
14. Radio
15. Music

The list can go on and on.

Why am I writing a post on stories?

It is because stories are the most powerful form of influence. Let me give you an experiment which you can try from this moment. Try to keep a count of the number of stories you encounter from different sources from this very moment to the time you retire to bed today. You will be amazed at the outcome.

Each of the stories you hear day in day out has tremendous influence on you. The influence works subconsciously. The stories you hear are shaping you either for good or bad. The only way to channel it to good is to do some kind of reflection and process the stories.

Think about it! What are the major stories that have influenced you to become the person you are right now?

Do share your experience in the comments.

Do you periodically check whether your children need your help?

Often we leave our children to themselves. We are confident that they can handle their day-to-day activities in school or college successfully, by themselves.

We do this more often when we find our children are very successful. We also exhibit this "let go" approach when we are caught up in our whirlwind of activities.

Children, too, often forget to reach out for help; They approach us only when they hit the wall or experience a crisis.

This is not a good approach. Parents should periodically check whether their children need their inputs.

You can never know, an input from you can make a big difference in your child's approach to study or in the submission of a report.

Children should be taught and encouraged to ask for help. A collaboration of this kind can enhance the bonding between you and your child and also raise the performance of your child.

This is true, even after they grow up, get employed, get married, and have their own children. The need and opportunity to help your child never ceases.

Think about it? When was the last time you reached out to your child to help?

Stop everything and do it after you read this post. You may be surprised at the outcome.

Do share your experience in the comments to this post.

Do you teach your children to detect dishonesty and deceat?

As you teach children to be honest and have integrity, it is also important for you to teach them the absence of it.

It is important that they learn to detect dishonesty when they come across. This will protect them from being deceived.

This is an important skill many parents forget to teach their children. A good way to teach is to discuss real-life examples.
When you buy expensive stuff for your children, you also need to teach them how to keep them safe.

All these efforts will hopefully protect them from others deceit and dishonesty.

What is your experience? Do share it in your comments.

Do you leave your day to chance?

How do you spend your time? Are you preoccupied with activities defined by yourself or have others defined them for you or have they been chosen by chance?

What is the right mix of activities?

It is important to adjust these levers of activities. The adjustment will depend on your circumstances and your current situation. Invariably, people forget to include activities which have been defined by themselves. They just react to chance or the demands of others.

You need to determine the right mix for you. You need to take charge of these three levers.

Try this out. Check which lever is high! You may need to readjust those levers.

Do share your experience in your comments on this post.

How much time do you take from idea to action?

All of us have ideas. Some of us have brilliant ideas. We also get ideas from others or by reading a book or watching a movie; Sources of ideas are plenty.

However, it is not the number of ideas you have that matters, it is the number of ideas you action out that will make the difference for you.

The time taken from an idea to action depends on the nature of the idea and the situation/context in which you operate. Hence, every idea has its optimum starting point and its own optimum speed of action.

Determining the optimum starting point, the speed of action and the deadline for completion is a task of utmost importance.

The time for such analysis and the treatment of the idea should be any where between zero to not more than 24 hours; Depending on the situation and context you are operating in and the nature of the idea.

Any idea delayed after 24 hours has the danger of being forgotten.

How you treat ideas will determine whether you are an "also ran" or an "Olympic Champion".

Think about it! Do share your comments.