Lifetime Learning

What are the warning signs that you are chronically out of control?

It is easy to be habitually out of control and not even be aware of that state. Over a period of time, being out of control becomes a way of life.
You get used to the stress. You get used to missing deadlines. You get used to disappointing people.

Over a period of time this way of life becomes hard wired in to your brain.
You may, well, note these warning signs:

You have too many things to do and you do not know where to begin
You are constantly missing appointments
People keep calling you up to remind things you promised to deliver to them
Your spouse has given up on you
Your children do not trust you anymore
You have come to the point of not caring about the direction your life is taking
You are aware of several problems-obesity, finance out of control, debts, eating junk food, reading trashy novels, smoking, drinking, forgetting birthdays----and you are doing nothing about them
Every small setback gives you the power to procrastinate
You indulge excess in some mindless activity such as internet surfing, video games, chatting, Facebook, watching the same movie again and again---
You live moment to moment with no planning for future
You set elaborate plans and never follow them
Your house is a junk yard
You have low energy even in the morning
You overeat
You have no friends or your friends have abandoned you
You are on the verge of losing your job
Your skill sets are all redundant
You have sunken eyes because of lack of sleep
Your libido is low
You constantly fear that things will go wrong because you know deep inside you that you are not well prepared
You dream of some unrealistic fantasy where you picture yourself very rich and powerful
You do nothing to realize your dreams
You have lost touch with your family
Your children are aping you
You know deep inside you need to change but you feel helpless

If you have several of these signs then what you need to realize is that you have hit the bottom.

The good news is that the only direction you can move is upwards; Another good news is that you have the choice-either to remain at the bottom or to move upwards.

The journey is tough but the sooner you begin the better it will be for you.

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Are you falling behind in fulfilling your desires and wants?

How many desires do you have and not done anything about? The more you have the less you are living a life you want to live. Think about it. Desires are the currency of your actions. Don't let trivial pursuits or other people's demands short change your actions.

The best way to begin is to take an inventory now or sooner or later.

A good inventory will look like what is given below:

Spend time with family
Take spouse for a vacation
Buy a platinum diamond necklace for your wife
Loose weight
Get a promotion
Change a job
Start on a path of a new career

These are just few items on a sample list I just made.

Make your own list and get going

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How often do you shake your routine?

It is very easy to fall into routines. Many a times, months may go by, before you may even realize that you are stuck in a routine.

It is not bad to get stuck to a routine as long as you have consciously chosen it.

However, most of the routines have been set unconsciously and are dysfunctional in nature.

Examining your routines periodically and weeding them out is a very productive exercise-it has to be done at least once in three months.

What routine are you going to eliminate or modify today?

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How long will you live a mediocre life?

This is one question you need to ask yourself constantly.

Are you living a life that is not allowing you to tap your true talents? If your answer is "yes", then you need to take serious action.

How do you know whether you are living a life of mediocrity?

Watch for these signs:

You are in your current job because of an accident and not because you wanted to be in this job
You drag yourself to work every day
You wish it was Friday when it is Monday
You have absolutely no interest in your job
You are in the job because of the salary it offers
You are distracted at work
You feel exhausted when you return home even though you did not accomplish much during the day
You are plain bored
You are constantly seeking joy elsewhere

If you have any of these symptoms then you are already in a rut.

You have two choices in front of you:

Break free-Plan and aget out
Remain in the job till you retire

The second option is popular-80% of the people opt for it.

What about you?

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What can drag you down the most?

Amongst all the things that drain your energy, they are those acts you do against your conscience, day in and day out that will drain you the most.

They will prevent you from reaching your potential. They will distract you away from your goals and put a strain on your relationships.

Identify them and eliminate them.

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How to get back the thrill in your life?

All you need to do is look back in time. Make a list of those activities you found thrilling but you have not done them for a long time.

Choose one of them and try it out. You may be surprised that you will find the old thrill coming back. You may also find that there is something new you are experiencing in the activity that you never experienced before.

There are many things in life that we grow out of and there are many things in life we can grow back in.

Here are a few examples:

Reading fiction
Reading non fiction
Playing chess
Playing old games you where good at ( Please take medical advice before you go back to strenuous games.)
Long walks
Movies
Playing board games

Make up your own list. Enjoy

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Is there a way to turbo-charge the change you want to achieve?

If we make a list of areas we need to change, our list will be pretty long. This is true for most of the people.

We live in day in-day out doing the same things, making the same mistakes and vaguely hoping that some day a magic wand will be waived and we will become the kind of person we want to be.
If we really need to change, we then need to do the following things:

Realize that we cannot change everything together
Make a list of areas we want to change
Identify those items on the list that are causing the maximum trouble
Focus on one or two items and decide to make changes in those arenas
List all the actions you need to do, in order to reverse the item you have identified and achieve positive change
Start small
List the people who can help you to change.
Focus on getting small wins
Celebrate when you achieve your milestones

By taking these steps you will find that you are turbo-charging the changes you want to achieve.

Super Consultant-my new comic

How do you fire an employee?

There are times when you need to take a tough decision.

Your subordinate, despite all your attempts to correct him has not responded. Moreover, complaints about him is coming from all sides. You, yourself, find that he is not responding to your requests in various areas.

It is then time to ask him to go. Given below is a check list to consult whether you are doing this in the right manner or not:

Have you made all attempts to correct him?
Is firing him a fair option for the company?
Have you involved your HR department and sounded them in advance?
Is our boss aware of what you are going to do?
Are there any legal issues in this action that could back fire?
Have you tried to make the process as less stressful as possible to you as well as him?
Have you thought of the workload and how it will be distributed?
Have you put in place an out placement help(helping him to find another job) by contacting your HR?
Have you carefully planned what you need to tell him while firing him?
Do you have contact with a counselling cell of your company or outside which you can recommend for him
Have you rehearsed what you will tell him?
Have you blocked sufficient time for him so that you can listen to him in case he wants to talk?

These are the twelve items you need to take care of before you tell you tell him that he is fired.

The way you handle an employees planned exit will have profound impact on your other employees who are working under you.

Handle this with care!

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Mr.C.E.O. - my new animation

GoAnimate.com: Mr.C.E.O by muralidharanj

Like it? Create your own at GoAnimate.com. It's free and fun!

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How to celebrate Diwali-the festival of lights?

Diwali is a festival of lights celebrated all across India. It signifies victory of good over evil.

You celebrate Diwali by doing the following:

Clean your house and surroundings
Offer prayers, do pooja and meditate
Forgive your enemies
Eat delicious food-especially sweets
Burst crackers (fire works)
Visit relatives and friends

What is very important to note is that you get a grand opportunity to clean up your environment.While you clean up your outer environment, take time to clean up your inner environment too.

Here are the areas to focus upon and eliminate-inner and outer:

Negative thoughts that have accumulated
Bad habits
Hatred
Doubts and fears
Prejudices
Watching negative TV programs
Surfing Internet sites that are negative
Relinquishing bad company
Reading trashy novels
Unproductive routines

You can make up your own list or use the above list as a starter. Take advantage of the mood and momentum that this festival has brought in.

Change for the good, while you enjoy every moment of Diwali.

Happy Diwali!

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Are you setting yourself up for a great chaos?

There are many areas in your life where you need to consistently act.

You can easily neglect, consciously or unconsciously, some major areas of your life and still have a comfortable life for a while.

Here are some examples of areas you can neglect:

Staying fit
Your financial well being
Your education/skills enhancement
Your job
Your relationships
Your children
Your meaning of existence

Make up your own list-the one given above is just a sample list for you to get started. The longer your list is, the greater the danger you are in.

Everything may seem normal to you and your life may seem to sail smoothly.

But beware, there is a great chaos waiting to happen, as these neglected areas join together to create a critical mass that will swallow you.

What is the remedy? Make a list and begin to take control.

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Super Consultant Best Practices Poster-My Comic Strip

Super Consultant-my new comic

Here are some more on Super Consultant comic

My new cartoon

What areas of your life do you begin to take control?

There are a lot of things that you can take direct control and do something about. Infact, it will be a good idea to classify all the things you can do something about and those you have no control over.

Once you have done the classification, you may be staring at a long list-"so where do you begin?"
You cannot start working on everything at once.
Use the 80:20 rule.

Only 20% of what is there on the list will give you 80% benefit. Look at the list of what you can do something about and further classify using the 80:20 rule.

Choose 3 items from the 20% list and start working on them.

Your life will change before you even know it.

How to enjoy life?

How to get the results you want in life?

Do you know that you are a product of the zillion decisions and actions you have taken?

You might have taken many of these decisions yourself or others may have taken them for you.

The way you see the world impacts the way you interpret what you see-many a times, people around you help you to interpret what you see-the right way or the wrong way.

Your interpretation will influence the decisions -right or wrong for you.

Your decisions will influence your actions-that bring you the right results or get you the wrong results

So where do you take control?

You can see in the figure above, where you can take control.

Taking control must begin with the way you see things and this will change the the entire cycle and get you the results you want in life.

Here are a few tips for you:

Take a result (Example- like being over weight)
Examine how you see this result
Examine how you interpret it and link the interpretation to the way you see the problem
Examine your decisions that flow out of your interpretations
Examine your actions and how they connect with your decisions
Examine the results and how they are linked to your actions
Now, determine the new result you want in life (Example- weight loss of 20 kg)
Work your way down the cycle

You will be amazed at the results you get in life, if you follow this approach.

How do you save your ideas?

Good ideas are difficult to come by. Moreover, you may get an idea and hope that you will remember to note it down somewhere for future use.

Let me give you some tips to save your ideas for future reference and action.

Tips:

Send an email to yourself about the idea-Gmail is a good storage place
Talk into a voice recorder-buy a good one that is easy to carry and use
Talk to your spouse about your idea
Send a short text message to yourself about the idea
Carry a small idea note book and jot it down there

These are just a few tips. The best way for you is the way you will be most comfortable with.

At least have three alternative approaches to make sure you don't lose an idea

What did you do today to save our planet?

Do you allow dirt to accumulate in your mind?

Invariably, you are exposed to dirt, pollution, grease, and germs everyday. You handle this by cleaning yourself daily-you shower, shampoo your hair, brush your teeth,---.

How about the dirt and pollution that accumulates in your mind? Do you clean them?

Here are some sources that may dirty and pollute your mind:

Advertisements
News you read
Internet surfing
Books you read
TV-soap operas
FM radio
Some of your friends
Conversations you overhear
Movies you watch
Your own thoughts

I am sure you can come up with a personalized list.

When you make a list like the one above and examine it, you will realize how easily your mind can become greasy, dirty and polluted. It is difficult to function effectively with a greasy and polluted mind- it will slow you down.

Awareness of the dirt accumulation is the first step to cleanliness.

Stay tuned for another post on how to keep your mind clean-spic and span.

How well do you climb your mountains?

When you reach a mountain top, you always have another to climb.
Find your mountains and climb them.
Only you can recognize your mountains!

Choose to be different from your environment!

What can you learn from video games?

I had a long weekend. In addition to the festivities related activities that took my time, I also spent a size able amount of time playing Smash Court Tennis on my daughter's Sony PSP.

Initially, I found the game difficult as I had to master new skills; Game after game, I lost to the opponents; Slowly, I began to improve and win. Initially, they were small wins, but later I started winning tournaments in the video game. I cannot begin to describe the thrill when I finally got to learn the skills to win matches.

Life is exactly like that. I immediately saw video games as medium to teach values such as perseverance, patience, resilience, staying calm even when there is a failure,--- the list can go on.

Video games are a good metaphor to teach children and also adults, wholesome values.

I feel the key is to point out the connection and provide guidance in transferring those values to real life.

What new experience have you pursued today?

It is easy to live life the same way as you have lived all these years. We go to the same restaurants, read the same type of books, listen to the kind of music, hang around with the same type of people,---, the list can go on and on.

Is it a shame to live life in the same manner every day? No! not necessarily, however you may be missing opportunities to have new experiences that you may really enjoy.

How do you get out of this habit?

Here are a few tips:

Ask your self this question at least once a week to begin with, 'What new experiences can I pursue this coming week?' Friday is a good day to ask this question because you then have a weekend to try it out.
Be bold
Seek experiences in areas you would never even dream of.
Start small
Have a goal of having a new experience at least twice in a month
Take the help of others. Do things others are doing that you have never done before
Hang out with children for new ideas
Plan together with your spouse and have new experiences together

Try these tips. Your life will never be the same again.

Are you responsible for the rut you are in?

There are two ways to live your life, day by day. One is by getting into routines which have set in, with or without your awareness., The other by careful inclusion of those activities that tap your talents and enrich your life.

If you are alert you will weed out the routines in your life that are dysfunctional.

Here are some examples of routines that are dysfunctional:

Reading email through out the day without doing productive work
Surfing the Internet aimlessly
Visiting sites that you should not be visiting
Doing things that are the loudest and the latest
Water cooler conversations that go on for hours
Getting through the day without planning
Doing things just to get by and get through the day

These are just a few examples. You can make your own customized list. I can bet that if you have not weeded out your routines, you will have a long list.

Weed the useless routines that have accumulated, and substitute them with life enriching activities.

Do you change your decision too quickly?

When was the last time you changed your decision based on somebody Else's suggestion or point of view?

Did you get into trouble because of the change in your decision?

It is time to stop this habit. While respecting others point of view is important, you should not forget to respect your own point of view.

Change your decision only if you find others suggestion superior to yours.

However, this evaluation process while changing a decision, is not easy.

Here are a few tips for you:

Pause
Think and weigh
Check whether the suggestion matches your values
Clarify all your values as a pre-work or pre-decisions exercise
Have confidence in your ability to make correct decisions
Remind yourself always that only you know your entire context and situation
Look back at your decisions and learn
Avoid making the same wrong decision again and again

Use these tips and you will breathe easy and live a stress free life.

How much can you prepare for a surprise?

Surprises come to us suddenly; That is why they are called surprises. Some of the surprises are pleasant and welcome, we love them. However, there are many that come and disrupt our lives.

While we cannot anticipate every surprise that could come to us, we can very well prepare for them. Preparation for a surprise will have to be, more at a generic level unless we can anticipate some specific surprises that could come to us.

Here are some tips:

Keep fit-exercise daily
Eat nutritious food
Continuously nurture your bank balance
Study
Get yourself multi-skilled
Have strong relationships-spouse, children---
Nurture your network
Anticipate, as much as possible, different scenarios
Always have contingency plans-plan A, plan B, Plan C---
Meditate and pray daily

Try them out!

Enjoy nature and get inspired!

This is a photograph I took with my Nikon D 80 Digital SLR camera.

There are a lot of parrots around our house. There are times when they fly into our house through our open window. These birds are fun to watch. They are full of energy, love to fly, hang upside down, and love to play together.

How to change your lifestyle?

Do you take care of your communication based on the context?

We as a family decided to curb our spending, for a while. We were going overboard, spending on all kinds of stuff, as all of us like shopping.

Yesterday, my wife asked me to withdraw some money from the ATM while I was coming home from work. I asked her, "Why should we withdraw money again?" I asked that question because I had sufficient cash in my purse and was wondering why we need to make a trip to the ATM.

However, my wife was upset as the question was filtered through the context of our decision not to overspend!

Since our family resolves conflicts immediately because of openness and transparency, the misunderstanding was resolved.

Is the context in which you are communicating colouring your communication?

Be always aware of the context and its impact on what you say. It can save you from a lot of misunderstanding.

Are you the main obstacle in your life?

Do you stop yourself from trying to do something new just because you do not know how to do it?

It is time to take action. Depending on the nature of the stuff you want to try out, you will have to decide whether you need a person who can teach you or whether you can learn it yourself.

This is the first decision that will move you to learn and try something out.

It is important that you take that step because you never know there may be a "Picasso" or an "Agatha Christie" waiting to be awakened in you!

Do you push too hard to teach someone something?

You can teach people only when they are ready to learn. No matter how much you try, unless they realize within themselves the need to learn, they will not be receptive.

This is true for your colleagues, friends, relatives, children and your spouse; This is true even for you!

The need for learning comes from either desire or pain; Both of these are internal processes.

Every desire or pain has to reach a certain threshold before which you can even pay appropriate attention to it.

The great secret is that these threshold levels vary from person to person.

There are people with low threshold levels who take immediate action; There are also people with high threshold levels who wait for, what seems eternity, before they even begin to take notice and act. People with high threshold levels act sometimes too late. They end up missing opportunities to learn and thrive.

Be aware of the threshold levels in you and others. Seize immediate opportunity to learn or teach when you or others cross the threshold levels. Awareness is the key!

What is the connection of pain and preparation?

The first time the dentist extracted her two teeth, upper and lower, to prepare her for orthodontic braces, she screamed with pain. Two weeks later, she went again for the extraction of two other teeth and she screamed far lesser, as the pain she felt was relatively lesser.

What the dentist told me set me thinking deeply. He said," Last time she was scared as she didn't know what will happen. Today she was prepared and so was I."

Most of the time we fear the unknown; We panic and magnify our pain. Moreover, we are that much less prepared to deal with the pain.

Once we have gone that route that causes us pain, we are less afraid, as we are more prepared and hence we hurt much less than the first time.

How about preparing consciously for an anticipated painful experience?

Many a times life brings us face to face with situations and people who bring us pain again and again. The more prepared we are, the less hurt we will feel.

Be prepared for life's recurring hurts so that you hurt less and less.

Think! Try! Do!

When was the last time you did something that made you stand out?

It is easy to follow the pack. It is easy to do a slip shod job. It is easy to be a run-of-a-mill person.

It is difficult to stand out; That's what I thought!

I was made aware of a secret today.

It is easy to stand out!

All you need to do is look around and do something nobody has done before or do something differently to others.

How about consciously seeking opportunities to stand out by doing new things or by doing things differently?

You will be surprised how quickly you will be noticed. You will also be surprised how quickly your popularity spreads.

Try it! You will never regret it!

What do you do with people who have let you down?

There is a limit to tolerance of people who have let you down. There are some leaders who continue to correct them and nurture them; But for how long?

It is important to realize that the person is either not willing to change or incapable of changing or perhaps, both.

The sooner we realize this and stop depending on them the quicker we will take corrective measures and prevent a lot of problems that stem from their poor attitude and incompetence

Be kind to your self and stop taking misery generated by others!

Get these people out of your life!

How to provide opportunities to interact with people who are important to you?

In our busy lives many of us get isolated. We tend to interact with some people more than others.

It may be because of the circumstances we are in right now or it may be out of pure chance; Whatever the reason, if we continue on this path we will loose touch with people who are important to us and they will grow apart from us; This more often happens with our near and dear ones.

Let me pose some questions to you:

How much time do you spend with your children?

How much time do you spend with your spouse?

How much time do you spend with your parents?

You could ask this question with respect to your other important relationships as well.
Here are the few steps you can take to turn the situation around:

Ask the question frequently with respect to the quality and quantity of time you spend with people, important to you, to determine the deficits

Acknowledge the deficits yourself and be aware of it

Communicate to the person about the deficit

Plan mutual activities together

Choose activities that will promote being together and talking to each other
Plan and block time on your calendar for the person you have chosen

Do not plan to do something too far away in time

Spend time together-enjoy

You will be surprised of joy you get out of such planning and action

Enjoy!

Balancing discipline and fun activities

As parents, in our attempt to mould our children to their best behaviour, we often go overboard; Months and perhaps years go by before we realize that we have overburdened our children with discipline.

Pause and take stock! When was the last time you joked around with your children?

Balance discipline with fun activities, you will find your children responding, positively, to both.

No trouble can last forever!

When I was a child, I used to play this strange game. Whenever I was in trouble, sad, or did not like the way things were, I would tell myself that every trouble has a beginning, a middle and an end; It has begun it will move to the middle and then taper off! All I have to do is just go through it!

Think about all your troubles! Didn't they end?

As adults we sometimes get so caught up with the mess and the pain we are in that we tend to think our condition will last for ever.

How untrue!

Remember this when you are brooding over some trouble that has been bothering you!

The formula:

Has begun ---- Will touch the middle ---- Will finally end!

Leaving anonymous comments! How cowardly can you get?

I find it difficult to accept any anonymous comment. In my world if you are not willing to put your name behind a comment or a stand you take, you are either not convinced with what you are saying or you are a person of deceit, who wants to hide behind a mask of anonymity.

It takes courage and conviction to say what you want to say and stand by it.

This happens in organizations too, where they institute an anonymous feedback. Such attempts only promote a closed culture and is very detrimental to organizations.

Do you periodically check how your loved ones feel about their lives?

Sometimes our near and dear ones are very good at masking their pain! Some may even mask their physical pain. No matter how alert we are ( In fact many of us are oblivious to others feelings) we can easily overlook and miss completely how others feel); Months go by and sometimes even years, and suddenly it is too late. The damage is done!

Some of the common damages are:

Breakdown of relationship
Loss of direction
Loss of opportunities (especially for children)

These are only some of the outcomes.

How do we prevent this?
It is possible only by constant communication within the family. It begins with developing a culture of openly sharing the innermost feelings with others. It is reinforced by every attempt by every family member to listen deeply to one another!

Only if you are aware that your loved one is in pain can you even begin to help him or her!

Think about it! Notice and take actions before it it too late!

How to have peace of mind through integrity?

There are different ways to have peace of mind. One of the ways to have peace of mind is by being honest all the time; You then have no need to tell one lie to cover up another lie and keep track of all the lies you are juggling around with different people.

However, just being honest is not enough, you also need to match your actions to what you have promised to yourself or with others; You need to walk your talk always.

Walking the talk is not easy, as you are always tempted to do things that do not promote your integrity.
Examples:

You promise yourself to get up at 6:00 am but you switch off the alarm and go to sleep
You promise to do some errand to your spouse but procrastinate and do something else
You decide to start exercising regularly, you even start doing it and then you give up

These are few examples of integrity depleting actions (IDA)

However if you keep your promise, then you will be doing integrity promoting actions (IPA).

Most of us have a huge collection of integrity depleting actions already and furthermore we add, day in day out, more integrity depleting actions thus creating a complete imbalance of IDA and IPA.

Just imagine a day full of IPA, a week full of IPA, a month full of IPA, A year full of IPA, a decade full of IPA and a life full of IPA!

Start small and start for small durations; Gradually expand and fill your hours with integrity promoting actions.

Try it out and your life will be filled with peace as long as your actions are aligned to wholesome principles and values.

Are you aware of the impact you have on others?

Whether we like it or not, we impact others, day in, day out. Most of the time the impact is either neutral or slightly positive, assuming that we are well adjusted human beings.

However there are days when we impact the people around us negatively; Especially our family members-spouse, children, brothers, sisters---.

Do your family members look forward to you coming home in the evening or do they shudder with fear or worry or anxiety?

How has it been lately?
Pay attention, you may be in for a surprise!

If in doubt, cut the relationship---

There are times in my life that despite several warning signals, I failed to cut a person off my life.
Sometimes the warning may have come to you in form of an intuition, or sometimes it may have come in form of some logical reasoning, but whatever the source of your warning, it is important to pause and take notice; Not to do so is to expose you and your family to great dangers and risk.

However, that doesn't mean that you go about cutting relationships at every first warning; What it means is to dwell sufficiently on that warning, take heed, and then verify in the real world.

Remember this, and it will save you a lot of trouble!

DO you take people for granted in your life?

In the initial stages of any relationship-professional or personal, we are careful and attentive to the needs of others. We may even anticipate them and fulfill them; Then something strange happens, familiarity breeds contempt.

You will find that you have unconsciously taken the relationship for granted. This will continue, until, for most of us, we get a wake up call; Alas by the time we wake up it is too late.

How do we prevent this?

Here are some important steps in this regard:

Look for opportunities you are missing with that person to fulfill her unspoken needs
Examine whether you have missed out on fulfilling some of her expressed needs
Look back and check what fun activities you were doing together which you have completely stopped
Anticipate her needs and make a list of them
Look at the points that emerge from first four steps and develop an action plan
Surprise her completely by doing something for her from the list you have drawn
Start slow and gradually increase pace

Try this and you will be more surprised than she will be.

How careful are you about your child's friends?

A professional colleague in Canada once told me that he was worried that his children are being raised by their classmates and friends. Children being raised by other children! To me, that was very scary.

I believe parents need to be in control, of the kind of friends, their children associate themselves with.

Many of us, as parents, are careful and have our watchful eyes on our children. We may even prevent or dissuade our children from associating with some of their friends. This fine in the actual physical world where we can see, hear, and then assess the impact of the friends our children mingle with.

However a large number of parents forget the Internet.
The greatest dangers are:

email
Chats
Face book
Orkut
Other Internet interactions-Yahoo answers
Groups
You tube

The list can go on.

When was the last time you checked on your son's contacts in his email or the kind of chats your daughter is having with and with whom?

What about the face book? What kind of comments are being written on your child's wall?

Internet brings the world to your child.

No matter how careful you are in the actual physical world, the virtual world may destroy every effort you exercise to protect your child.

Check your child's internet activities. You may be surprised! There is also a good chance you may be shocked!

Time to take charge;Time to let go

To be in control of everything in your life constantly, is an illusion; So is to visualize everything in your life is out of control. What we need is balance.

There are times when it is possible to have some degree of control over large areas of life but there are also times when letting go is a wise thing to do.

This is important, especially in times of extreme shock coming from some life altering event. In those times we need to let go without feeling guilty while realizing that after an appropriate length in time we will regain the control back.

Knowing this important principle can save you from lot of grief.

Think about it!

When do your loved ones need you most?

When everything is going smooth, the need for your support is a given. Suddenly, something drastically goes wrong. Your nearest and dearest commits a grave mistake.

What do you do?

This is the time to reflect! This is the time to look and establish the goals of the relationship; This needs to be done despite the anger and the hatred that may be welling up in you; Because it is during these times your loved one needs you the most.

You need to get into the habit of looking at others mistakes with compassion.

Who knows? You may need it one day!

Worst possible outcome

How important is it to visualize periodically the worst possible outcome? I think it needs to be done. You can do it as long as it doesn't trigger anxiety, stress, and worry.

This has to be done from a point of view of contingency planning.

Though these scenarios rarely come true, the very fact that you have a contingency plan and escape route keeps you more confident.

Try it out in few areas of your life.

How to handle betrayal

How do you handle betrayal? Let's say your near and dear one, your children, your close extended family member, or your friend betrays you completely;Stabs you in the back; Has been stabbing you and cheating you for the past few years.

What do you do?

Suddenly you realize that person has been dual faced, slick, and cunning. He or she has planned this meticulously, put on a face of innocence, and lied and cheated right under your nose.

Suddenly you become aware of this and everything is out in the open. You are now faced with the following:

Shock
Pain
Anger
Denial
Guilt (How did I contribute to this?)
The dilemma-What next?

There are a few areas you need to focus immediately:

Deciding what to do with the relationship-to keep or to cut off
Being clear what your goal is with respect to this individual
Confronting the individual who betrayed you
Laying out what you want to achieve if the relationship has to continue
Analysing together the context and situation that led to the acts of betrayal
Setting up mutually agreed monitoring mechanisms
Identifying consequences that would follow on violation

Even if you do this, the pain and the shock will not go away. The person who betrayed you need to take equal responsibility to ease your pain, more by demonstrating acts that build trust, rather than just talk.

Over the period of time, the pain may subside, but the memory of the betrayal will take a long time to fade away.

How to mess up consistently and completly?

The best way to mess up is not to pay attention. Stop tracking things.

Let me give you a nice list to start with:

Your money in the bank
Your expenses
Your credit card spending
Your weight
Your friends
Your family
Your children
Your parents
Your boss
Your resume
Your health
Your spiritual connection
Your house
Your commitments

The list can go on and on.

How many of the items in the list are you not keeping track? Are you messing up sufficiently?

Alas for many of us, we are good at messing up and would have said "yes" to most of the items on the list; And what is more alarming is that the list up there is incomplete.

Take an inventory, before it is too late.

Threshold of tolerance for change

Different people have different thresholds of tolerance before they will change.

When I mean change, I mean personal change. Given below are few examples of such change (things you need to change before it becomes a disaster):

Smoking
Clutter
Overweight
Selfishness
Laziness
Loneliness

The list can go on. Any person at any given point of time will be having a cluster of these personal change elements or shall I say ailments which he or she needs to change. Most of the people do not take action until a disaster strikes. Their threshold of tolerance for the dysfunctional elements in their lives are high.

Look at your own life and make a list of these elements that are causing you to be ineffective.

Now ask yourself this question:

Am I going to wait for a disaster to force me into crossing the threshold to change?

Lowering your threshold of tolerance for these dysfunctional elements will be the best road to a fulfilled life.

Think about it!

If only we could edit our lives---

Last week I spent some time reflecting. I rewound the tape in my mind and played it from the first event I could recall. I did this slowly, pausing the tape once in a while to learn something important.

There were many things I had excelled in. There were many good moments and good decisions. There were also moments that should never have happened, but alas, they happened. There were times when I failed. for example the first promotion I did not get. I lost it to a colleague who in my opinion was less qualified. I felt ashamed and at that moment I felt I was a complete failure.

Now looking back, I thank God I did not get that promotion. My life would have taken a different course and arrived at a destination far different from what I am enjoying now.

I also remembered the times people hurt me. I forgave all of them. What is more important for me is the realization that those very experiences were responsible for all my learning and hence responsible for all the good and strong relationships I am having now.

This whole reflection filled me with gratitude, both for the good things that happened to me and also for the bad ones.

The only thing I would have wished to be changed was the loss of loved ones. I will continue to miss them. Other than this and some stupid mistakes that originated from me, I would not edit anything else.

What about you? What, in your past life, would you want to edit? Try this reflection exercise, it may shift a few vital paradigms in you.
All the best!

"You" in the mirror---

We were running a residential Leadership Seminar. My co-facilitator told me that he saw his reflection almost everywhere; the building was filled with glass panes and mirrors. He didn't like what he saw. It was, then, I looked at myself. I didn't like what I saw, either. Over the period of years, I have allowed myself to become unfit.

When was the last time you had a hard look at yourself in the mirror? Try it out! It can be an eye opening experience.

As I sat thinking about it, it dawned on me that I had reached this state through a series of day-in day-out decisions.

You could take this experiment further and look at your inner self in the mirror of your mind. This a more difficult exercise. If you really look hard, then you may end up asking your self-"What have I become?"

Blog Disclaimer

Lifetime Learning is a record of my day-to-day, real-time learning. It is also, a record of my various experiments to be more productive, more successful, more caring and more contributing in all areas of my life.

While the concepts and ideas recorded here can be universally applied by anyone, the reader needs to use his discretion and apply these ideas based on his judgment of how appropriate and fit they are to his context and situation.

Occasionally there may be a mention of a certain skill, technique or approach which has been drawn from my professional training, please use them only if you have undergone a similar professional training yourself.

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