Do you lose your cool easily?

All of us can easily get through the day when things are going normally. The test of our mettle is when you get stressed up with all kinds of demands.

If you are having a rough day and you suddenly get a call that is irritating, as the person talking to you is arrogant and not listening to you or not willing to answer your questions, what do you do?

There is a great temptation to dump all the frustration on this one individual and give him your piece of mind. You may even feel good after such a conversation. However, the after effects of such an interaction can harm you more than anybody else. Your blood pressure may hit the roof, you get moody, and your anger may continue for another couple of hours.
How can you avoid this?
Here are a few tips:

• Relax consciously during the day
• Be aware of your emotions
• Constantly remind yourself that you could loose control of your temper
• Be aware of the affect others are having on you
• Postpone talking if you find yourself getting worked up

It is better to not have a conversation with an individual than to loose cool and destroy the relationship. Even if you want to persuade the person to your direction or cause, the time to have that conversation is when you are cool.

What do you think? Do leave your comments here

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Garlic bread and thin crust pizza incident

Last Saturday we ordered thin crust pizzas and garlic breads from a reputed pizza restaurant near our home.

The pizzas & garlic breads came on time, while they forgot to give us the dip we ordered along with the garlic bread.


We called them and they said that it will be at our door step in 5 minutes. After an hour and two further reminders, I thought it is about time to set this situation right.

I called them up and gave them critique which finally resulted in they sending us the dip and refunding us money ( a 30% discount for the inconvenience caused). Why did this conversation yield success. I am giving below the factors that lead to the success:

1. Carefully planned conversation
2. Clear explanation of the situation
3. Eliciting metaphorically the difference between the Pizza Restaurant & a Street vendor
4. Linking what has happened to their values and showing them the in congruence
5. Telling them of the consequences of not responding to me based on their own values
6. Telling them what the same Pizza restaurant would have done in other countries
7. Asking them how the will solve my problem
8. Negotiating on the final outcome

They quickly agreed step by step to comply to, not just my wishes, but their own dear held values.

Have you had a similar experience? DO share it here in your comments.

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How do you attain a procrastiantion free life?

I think we need to start small. How about a procrastination free day?

These are the steps I would recommend:

1. Define procrastination
2. Define specific tasks for the day related to goals you want to achieve
3. Set specific rules to distinguish between delaying a task because of prioritization and delaying a task because of procrastination
4. Choose your first procrastination free day
5. Live that day
6. Celebrate
7. Choose either to maintain a one day target or increase it if you feel confident

Starting small is the key to such a life.

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Do you collect the information you need?

We are constantly bombarded by information. They come from everywhere and hit us from all directions. The more information you get, the more you get used to reacting to it.


It is so easy, in this information age, to get so used to getting information without any efforts on our part that we begin to develop this dangerous habit of waiting for information to come on its own. Many a times we forget to seek information when we actually need to do so.

The only way to combat this habit is to ask this very important question frequently:

Do I need more information?

Seek information and you will be surprised at the impact it has on your decisions and your productivity.

What do you think? Do share your comments here.

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How does environment affect you?

I was waiting for my wife and daughter to finish their shopping at an international beauty shop. I couldn't help overhearing the sales girl in the shop explaining how environment-sunlight, pollution, dust, etc affects the skin. She suggested specific creams and lotions to apply daily.

This set me thinking. What about the affects of the environment on your inner self? World is full of pollution, obscene pictures, vulgar music, dishonest people---. The negative list can go on and on. You are surrounded by powerful media that influence you in a negative way; Without even knowing, you are affected, by all this bombardment of negative messages.

Just like your skin needs cleansing and application of creams to keep it glowing and healthy, your inner self needs cleansing too.

How can you cleanse your inner self?

• Read wholesome books that inspire
• Listen to inspiring music
• Go to inspiring movies
• Meditate
• Mix with friends who have principled values
• Filter out all the negative as much as possible

You can never be too careful in keeping your inner self glowing and healthy. It is as important as buying beauty creams from a beauty shop.

What do you think?

Do leave your comments here

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Do you prioritize your day's experience?

Let's go back in time to the year 1970. The number of options for you to fill your day was very limited.

Look at the picture depicting the options you had in the 70s':

• Movies


• TV (depending on where you lived)


• Radio


• Theatre


• Sports


• Music


• Hobbies


• Work


• Mail


• Books

I have not listed all of them. I am sure there could be more to add.

Look at the picture depicting today:

• TV


• Internet


• Blogs


• Social networking


• Wikis


• Groups


• MMRPOG


• email


• Video games


• Theatre


• Cell phone


• ipod


• Movies


• Movies at home through DVD/HD


• Sports


• Hobbies


• Books


• ebooks

The list can go on and on. The point I am making is that today we have much more options in front of us and that can be overwhelming. Moreover, unless we choose carefully, we may end up wasting time in activities that may not be yielding fully to our well being and happiness.

We need to take charge of the experiences we can have day to day by prioritizing and developing a hierarchy of fun and valuable things to do.

Think about it next time you reach for the remote to watch TV. Do you have better options? Are you stuck in one way of entertaining yourself? Are you stuck in one or few ways of networking? Are you stuck with one way of getting information or knowledge?

Think hard and act now! It will spell the difference between having a wholesome life in contrast with a boring, routine filled life?

What do you think?

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Do you program yourself with the word "if"?

I have heard a lot of "ifs" in my life. In fact I have myself used this word again and again until I realized its destructive power.

If I get good marks, I will join the best college.
If I achieve my target, I will get a lot of incentive
If my business is successful, I will earn my first million dollars
The list can go on and on---

If is very destructive. You are programming yourself for failure because there is an element of doubt in it. You need to substitute "if" with "when".

When I get good marks, I will join the best college
When I achieve my target, I will get a lot of incentives
When my business is successful, I will earn my first million dollars

Not only do we program ourselves with "if" we also use this word extensively with others too. We need to be careful so that we are not programmed by others through the use of the word"if".

Remember IF= doubt. WHEN=certainty

Always use "when"!

What do you think? Do leave your comments here.

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Do you have the habit of reviewing/checking/critiquing/measuring?

If you do not review or measure your progress, you will never get anything done. Even if you manage to get things done, you may end up doing things that may not get you too far.

I have been doing some serious thinking these days to add some formal review/critiquing mechanism to my personal life too; Even though, I am more right brained than left brained, a metrics/review/critique driven life can definitely help me.

What are the areas in life that you should measure or review?
Let me draw up a list here, at random:

1. Savings in the bank


2. Weight


3. Pursuit to specific goals


4. Meditation-your spiritual life


5. Time you spend with your spouse


6. Time you spend with your daughter/son


7. Vacation


8. Your health-Blood pressure, HDL, LDL, Total cholesterol---


9. Your diet


10. Your community work


11. The number of quality books you have read


12. Your expenses


13. Your debt


14. Your earnings


15. Your resume


16. Your business numbers


17. Your hobbies


18. Time you fritter away


19. Your bad habits


20. Your good habits


21. Wholesome movies you have watched


22. Your friends


23. Your extended family


24. Your possessions


25. Your property


26. Your cars


27. Your laptop


28. Your cell phone


29. Your PDA


30. Your camera


31. Your video camera


32. Your jewellery


33. Your skill sets


34. Your knowledge


35. Work life balance

The list above is not exhaustive. As I was typing the above list I suddenly realized that I have not used my video camera for more than a year. I do not know what is the state of its batteries.

A regular review can give you real insights about yourself and your life. Once you identify areas you need to take action, you can begin to act and live a more fulfilled life.

What do you think? Do you systematically review/critique important areas of your life?

Try it out! It can make a huge difference.

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What are the 30 things that make you an "also ran"?

There are so many factors that limit you to mediocrity and makes you an "also ran".

Check out whether any or all of these are playing a havoc in your life:

1. Blind role modelling
2. Unexamined influence of people
3. Labels you or others have attached onto you
4. Negative programming you have undergone
5. Lack of vision
6. Lack of mission
7. Lack of well thought out goals
8. Unexamined values
9. Complacency
10. Quickly satisfied with what you have currently achieved
11. Laziness and other habits
12. Not knowing your strengths
13. Environment
14. Negative cultural influence of:-(1) family, (2) Team, (3) Organization, (4) Country, (5) Current era in which you are born to (6) friends
15. Your self-talk
16. Narrow interests
17. Narrow focus on your job
18. Inadequate support
19. Wrong job
20. Poor risk taking
21. Inadequate seeking of adventure
22. Negative influence of books
23. Negative influence of TV
24. Negative influence of movies
25. Negative influence of Internet
26. The place your are currently living in
27. Unexamined negative experiences from your past
28. Your lack of education
29. Not spending time alone to introspect
30. Not learning from your mistakes

Use the above checklist and break free.

What do you think? Do record here your comments.

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How often do you try new things?

It is very easy to get into a rut and live a dull life. We get stuck to our careers, place we live, kind of books we read, entertainment we seek,---

Unless we schedule some time to try out new things, we may live for years missing out on many experiences.

I have decided to schedule an hour a day for trying out new stuff.

Some of the stuff I have shortlisted:

• Drawing
• Writing a book
• Playing around with photoshop
• Editing my video tapes
• Social work

I may not do everything everyday, but I will do something, for an hour, everyday.

Exploring various options, potential talent areas, and experiences are very important in addition to pursuing goals related activities.

Try it out! Break the monotony in your life-try new stuff!

What do your think? Do leave your comments here.

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Lessons from music!

I was listening to music on my ipod; Relaxing, with lights switched off, I could easily focus on the lyrics of the song and the accompanying music, the chorus, the violin here and there, the drums, ---

It set me thinking.

How does the music director/composer know the various sounds he has gathered together to compose such a melodious music?

I am sure she would have done the following:

1. Be passionate about music
2. Research the various instruments
3. Research the various sounds
4. Put in years of practice
5. Experiment with various sounds
6. Use her innate talent in composing music
7. Studied music
8. Practice till she is perfect
9. Use her creativity to compose

Our lives should be like that.

We need to pack our days with carefully selected experiences; Just like a music director composing music.

Steps to pack in wholesome experiences:

1. List out the stuff that are wholesome and fun to do
2. List out things that are beneficial to do
3. Align them to your goals.
4. Carefully plan your day and week with things to do that will give you maximum fun and benefit-Example-Exercise, listen to music, study, time with family---
5. Live them
6. Have fun
7. Reap the benefits

Fill your day with carefully chosen activities and you will be amazed how much fun living can be!

Try it out!

What do you think? Do share your thoughts in your comments here.

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Do you have secrets in your family?

A healthy family should be an open family. There should be high trust and willingness to share with no room for secrets. This is possible only if all the family members are mature and trustworthy.

It is important to build such families, consciously. Your family is an open family when your family members have nothing to hide from one another.

A couple marries, has children, and the family culture is formed by their actions. The culture can be from completely being open to being completely closed.

The key to openness in families lie in the willingness and the capability, of its family members, to resolve conflicts. It also depends on how emotions are handled, both from the giving and receiving end. If anger is the main currency of emotion in the family, it becomes very difficult for people to open up.

I have seen many families. Some of them are completely closed. These families seem to do well when things are normal. There is a sense of calm. This calm is very deceptive as there is simmering anger and mistrust among family members.

These families will break up when faced with jugular issues - such as property, business, expenditure, and other materialistic concerns.

I have also seen families that get into the storm of conflict, but because the family members trust each other, and are willing to go the mile to resolve the conflict, through openness, humbleness, forgiveness, and trust, they emerge victorious-stronger and more cohesive than ever before.

What about your family? Do you have secrets from your trusted family members; It is time to examine them.

It requires a lot of intra-personal work to become a person with no secrets.

What is your experience? Do share your thoughts here!
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17 steps to live a life congruent to your wholesome values

It is very important to have all our actions congruent to our wholesome values. One of the best ways to ensure that your actions and values are aligned and congruent is to introspect and take action.

Here are a few steps to do them:

• Find yourself a free time-say about an hour
• Seclude yourself-you need to be alone for this exercise
• Look back at your life, as it is, currently happening.
• Ask yourself this question-Am I doing anything that is against my value system?
• List them down at random on a pad or in your PDA memo
• If you have more than two violations then you need to prioritize them
• Prioritize them by the biggest violation
• Select the biggest violation
• Decide to get rid of this behavior that violates your deep seated, principle based values
• Assess the impact of getting rid of the behaviour
• Give yourself a timeline to get rid of this behaviour
• Check out whether you can get rid of this behaviour on your own or you need help
• Reach out to your family members or close friends (if you are comfortable doing so) and take their support and help. This may require you opening up to them.
• Determine action steps to get rid of the behaviour
• Get rid of the behavior
• Reward yourself
• Continue this exercise till you have eliminated every non aligned behaviour

Try this out. It can have tremendous impact on your self-esteem. It will boost your self-esteem sky high. It will also relieve a lot of stress in the long run

Living a congruent life is foundational to living a life of joy and happiness.

What is your experience? Do share your thoughts here!

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Do you have important information at your finger tips?

There are times when you need information at your finger tips. Hence it is important to classify all the information you need on a day to day, week to week, or month to month basis and constantly record and update them so that you can retrieve them in less than 2 minutes time.

Here are some key steps to achieve that:

1. Identify and make a list of information you will require
2. In the first month it will be better to make up an initial list and add to it as you go by-examples: Your bank address, your credit card payment information, your bank balance, your dues, telephone numbers, frequent flier number---
3. Decide where you will record them-PDA, cell phone, small pad ---
4. Update constantly

Try these strategies and you will never be at loss for want of an information.

What is your experience? Do share your thoughts here!

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Twelve steps to build your knowledge and be the most sought after person in your field!

You never know when you will need knowledge? There is a distinct difference between knowledge and information. Many people confuse information for knowledge!

What are the steps you can take to build your knowledge in your chosen fields?

Here they are:

1. Choose the fields in which you want to build your knowledge
2. Identify your sources for that knowledge-Books, Journals, Training, discussion groups---
3. Develop a plan for utilizing these resources
4. Read a book a week in your field
5. Visit book stores once a week and buy the latest books in your field
6. Buy the best sellers in your field.
7. Buy CD ROMS connected to your field
8. Record your own experience and learning connected to your field
9. Fraternize with people in your field. Discuss and exchange the latest knowledge based inputs with them
10. Study and utilize your company's knowledge management system
11. Develop communities of practice in your field-You lead the way.
12. Attend seminars and workshops in your field

The more you do these, the more demand you will be in.

Try these twelve steps; They will change your life forever.

You never know when you will need knowledge! Be prepared!

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Do you mix up support tasks from tasks that take you to your goals?

It is very easy to fill your day with support tasks.

Some examples:

• Checking your mail
• Checking your bank balance
• Paying the bills
• Cleaning your desk
• Charging your mobile
• Paying credit card account

The list can go on. These are useful activities. They need to be done. They are hygiene. However, they support your goals, but don't actually help you to reach your goals.

Example: Checking your bank balance will help you to know how much you have in the bank, but it will not increase your earning capacity nor your saving capacity.

It is important to distinguish tasks that will lead you to your goals with tasks that will support your goals.

You need to do both. You need to plan for both.

Stay tuned for future posts on this subject.

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Are you living with resources gaps? Time to take action---

Have you ever postponed getting yourself an important resource? I did! In fact, I postponed for years, buying myself a table; In our family we share the work table.

However, I bought myself a table few days back. The table is having a good impact on my productivity. I now have a place to sit and focus on the various tasks at hand; Not that I could not do it before, but I had always had to use some other place for work, other than the table, when my wife or daughter was using it.

I wish I had bought myself the table much earlier. The fact that, we lived in different countries where my consulting assignments took me did not help either.

The learning for me is that I need to examine the various resources I need, rate them on an importance scale and go about buying them.

What about you? Have you checked about the important resources you need day in day out?

Take a look at your needs and examine your current resources. If you have a gap then you need to seriously consider bridging the gap.

The result of such an endeavour can be profound and it will make your life much easier.

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Are your ideas stuck in a queue?

You may be the type who have a lot of ideas running in your head. While many people struggle to get ideas, you come up with a lot of ideas with ease. However, you find, to your dismay, that people with lesser ideas getting far ahead of you.

Why does this happen?

For many creative people, coming up with ideas becomes an end in itself instead of a means of achieving success. They may even take pride in labeling themselves as Mr. Creative or Ms. Genius.

If your ideas get stuck in a queue, then they die.

There is something strange about ideas.

Ideas live only if they are executed!

It is important to examine your hit rate with ideas. Are your brilliant ideas fading out in the long queue because you are just sitting on your hands doing nothing?

Take stock! Take action!

What is your experience? Do share your thoughts here!

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Seven steps to stop yourself from anticipating and worrying about disasters!

All of us, some time or another, have anticipated or rather worried about an impending disaster.

It may be an interview we need to participate in for a job offer or a presentation to a client we need to make or resolve a conflict with a co-worker ---

Painting a picture of disaster in your mind will not only stress you up, but, also, will set you up for failure.

When was the last time you imagined a major disaster upon yourself and got totally stressed up?

Think about it, while you read about the 7 steps that will free you completely from the grips and aftereffects of your imagination

Here is what you need to do:

Remember, at least, last three times, you got your self into a panic. Did what happened later match your imagination. Invariably, you will find that none of the disasters you imagined actually happened. Even if it had happened, still it was not as bad as you had imagined it to be.

Look at each of the interim events , things or people you are imagining that will lead you to the disaster. Challenge them in writing. When you write your fears and anxieties on paper, it has a near therapeutic effect; Read and challenge them on paper

Paint an opposite picture in your mind; Preferably write them down again on paper- read and smile.

Imagine your close friend has come to you with the same anxiety and fear. What will you counsel him? Role play it your mind. You may be surprised at the counsel you hear yourself giving to your friend. Remember! You can befriend yourself and give yourself the same advice.

Talk to a close friend about your fear. Let her counsel you about it. Follow your counsel.

Remember the worst problem you had encountered in the past, victoriously! Go through the memory in full detail and revel in how clever you were in overcoming it. Compare that problem to this imaginary problem that has not even occurred.

Look at what you are imagining carefully and identify areas where you can take direct action to prevent those areas from creating trouble.; Develop contingency plans too. Prepare carefully and leave the rest to God.

What is your experience? Do share your thoughts here!

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How to use the "power of routines"?

It is so easy for you to get caught in routines. This can be good or it can be bad. It depends on the nature of routines. Most of the people underestimate the power of routines and its influence on their lives.

Routines can either make or break you. Routines can keep you healthy or put you on to the path to illness. Routines can make you rich or drive you down to poverty.

What are the different kinds of routines you follow? Understanding the types of routines is the first step to mastering them.

See the picture before you read further.

There are four kinds of routines:

• The blind routine: These are the routines that has been set unconsciously and you have been following without examining them. They are dysfunctional- On the softer side they can cause hindrance and on the harsher side they can cause great harm. Example: Throwing your important papers around your home; Swiping your credit card mindlessly.
• The lucky routine: These are routines that are very useful for you but they have been set unconsciously. You are lucky to have these routines and they help you every step of the way. Going for a walk with your spouse daily-you both get an opportunity to talk and and additionally get the benefits of walking; This routine happened naturally, as both of you never planned it consciously.
• The dumb routine: These are routines you have consciously set up that are useless or harmful-Your colleague and you go down to the smoking area for a smoke; Both of you want to catch up and talk, and you consciously decided that meeting in the smoking zone and smoking together is the best way to accomplish both-talking and smoking.
• Smart Routine: Example: You set up a routine of listing the goals you want to achieve the next day, the previous night. These are the routines you have consciously decided and they lead you to your goals.

It is important to examine the mix of routines you have; Weed out the dysfunctional routines, both conscious and unconscious ones, and replace them with beneficial ,conscious ones.

Set your routines right! You will be well on your way to abundance, health, success, and happiness.

What is your experience? Do share your thoughts here!

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