Here are some very important points to remember:
- You always have a choice to determine what this relationship means to you
- You have the right to choose to keep the relationship or put a distance between you and the person/s in question
- You also have the right to completely cut off the relationship
- Whatever your choice, you need to plan your moves well
Steps to put a distance between you and the person whom you want to put in place:
- Take a decision to continue to respect the person as a human being
- Take a decision you will be polite and never hurt her
- When you meet regulate the natural warmth you feel, if any, for the person (this is more applicable if the person is your close relative-cousin, uncle, aunt---)
- After the initial greeting, talk only if that person talks to you
- Answer to the point, politely, what ever questions the other person asks
- Do not ask any question! The conversation should be a "one way traffic"
- Team up with your spouse or a mutual relative or friend, let her talk to the person as usual so that the contrast is enhanced
- Watch the magical transformation that will happen in the person in question. If the transformation doesn't happen the relationship was not worth in the first place
- Always keep your end of the transactions polite, kind, cold, and distant
These steps above are extremely powerful. Take them ONLY if you have decided, enough is enough, and you want this person to be put in his place once and for all.
There is a better alternative to the above steps which I strongly recommend you try before you take these steps; That is open communication with the individual to tell her the impact of her behavior on you and the feelings her behaviour generates in you. If the person understands and is sincere then she will change. You can negotiate that change.
However, there are some relationships you want to put a distance to because you are sure, for what ever reason, that it is not worth it; It is in these types of relationships, the steps, I have suggested, will work wonders.
The person will take immediate notice of the change in behaviour. He will either approach you because he wants to find the reason and correct the situation or he may get the message and move on.
In either situation, you have the choice either to continue the relationship or maintain it at the cold distance or completely cut it off.
In case the person approaches you to get the relationship warmer, then you need to tell him the reason for the cold distance - the impact of the series of his behaviours and the hurt and bad feelings that the behaviors aroused in you.
It is up to you to define the various relationships you have in life and you need to choose how that relationship should be;Never give up that choice
Try these and do write your experience here.
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We easily notice the sudden changes. They catch our attention and we need to take action. However, most of us, completely miss the gradual changes that affect us until it becomes so painful that we are unable to ignore them anymore.
- Gradual loss of hair
- Erosion of trust
- Slow loss of self-control
- Gradual accumulation of clutter
- Gradual gain of weight
- Slow and steady deterioration of a relationship
- Gradual loss of customers
- Gradual erosion of our values
- Gradual move towards becoming redundant
The list an go on.
How do we combat this?
The only way is to be alert and monitor the changes.
Here are a few steps you can take:
- Identify areas in your life that is subject to gradual changes;The list can be very long
- Prioritize the areas you will monitor
- Assess the extent of erosion
- Develop action plan to arrest the erosion
- Develop action plan to reverse the erosion completely, if possible
- Revisit the list periodically
Do it now before it is too late!
Do it before the change attains a critical mass!
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I could also feel the music arousing in me, the very same moods that the audience were experiencing (I was watching this on television).
At one point, one singer sang a very jubilant and bubbly song with a corresponding jubilant effect on the audience, while the next performer sang a serious, sad, and thought provoking song. The latter singer changed the jubilant audience with just few lines of her song to a sober, silent, thoughtful and even tearful audience.
The transformation was magical and immediate; This set me thinking.
How about using music to change our moods deliberately. I have been neglecting this powerful tool all my life.
Every one of us need a collection of music to change our moods; Now with ipods around, let's put technology and music to proper use.
Just imagine hearing very inspiring music, every day. Just imagine having a menu of music to select from.
I have decided to collect music carefully, the ones that will inspire me, and load them onto my ipod; Here is another idea-How about having different ipods for different moods?
What do you think? D0 you have a collection?
Do share your experience here.
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- Why do you feel closer to people you care, when you are about to leave them?
I was also asked a follow up question:
- Why do you feel closer when you stay apart from people you care about?
These questions set me thinking! I went back in time, to the points in my life where I had to part with people, I deeply cared about; The cause of the parting may have been varied, from mere re-location to losing the person permanently, when they pass away.
Why do we wait for the last moment to feel closer! Is it because we are complacent and take relationships for granted?
How easy it is, for you, to get caught up with life's heavy demands and forget the very people who define your life.
We need not wait till the point where we have to move away from people to feel closer with them.
In fact, you need to take every meeting to a level where you get closer and closer with the people you care about. It does not happen without your active involvement in the relationship.
Every relationship is an eternal celebration!
Think about it! Reach out to the people you love!
Do share your experience here.
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