How do you put distance in a relationship?

The more closer you get with a person more the chances he will take you for granted. This is true especially with relatives. Sometimes people take you for granted to the point of violating your rights and even ignoring you when you need them most. How do you handle such a situation?

Here are some very important points to remember:
  • You always have a choice to determine what this relationship means to you
  • You have the right to choose to keep the relationship or put a distance between you and the person/s in question
  • You also have the right to completely cut off the relationship
  • Whatever your choice, you need to plan your moves well

Steps to put a distance between you and the person whom you want to put in place:

  • Take a decision to continue to respect the person as a human being
  • Take a decision you will be polite and never hurt her
  • When you meet regulate the natural warmth you feel, if any, for the person (this is more applicable if the person is your close relative-cousin, uncle, aunt---)
  • After the initial greeting, talk only if that person talks to you
  • Answer to the point, politely, what ever questions the other person asks
  • Do not ask any question! The conversation should be a "one way traffic"
  • Team up with your spouse or a mutual relative or friend, let her talk to the person as usual so that the contrast is enhanced
  • Watch the magical transformation that will happen in the person in question. If the transformation doesn't happen the relationship was not worth in the first place
  • Always keep your end of the transactions polite, kind, cold, and distant

These steps above are extremely powerful. Take them ONLY if you have decided, enough is enough, and you want this person to be put in his place once and for all.

There is a better alternative to the above steps which I strongly recommend you try before you take these steps; That is open communication with the individual to tell her the impact of her behavior on you and the feelings her behaviour generates in you. If the person understands and is sincere then she will change. You can negotiate that change.

However, there are some relationships you want to put a distance to because you are sure, for what ever reason, that it is not worth it; It is in these types of relationships, the steps, I have suggested, will work wonders.

The person will take immediate notice of the change in behaviour. He will either approach you because he wants to find the reason and correct the situation or he may get the message and move on.

In either situation, you have the choice either to continue the relationship or maintain it at the cold distance or completely cut it off.

In case the person approaches you to get the relationship warmer, then you need to tell him the reason for the cold distance - the impact of the series of his behaviours and the hurt and bad feelings that the behaviors aroused in you.

It is up to you to define the various relationships you have in life and you need to choose how that relationship should be;Never give up that choice

Try these and do write your experience here.

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