I love to do new things--- explore;This blog is one of them. Here, I am recording my learnings. I hope you will be inspired too.
Do you use pen and paper to think?
For many of you, this will give a tremendous boost in the quality of your thinking; While you write down your thoughts, you should also attempt to draw them.
You will realize the power of this technique only when you actually experience it.
Once you find your quality of thinking improving, you can then buy an expensive pen and a note book; Name this pen as the think pen and the note book as the think note book.
Have them handy! You never know when you will need them!
Why do you need to buy expensive pens and notebooks? It is because you need these tools to record your priceless thoughts!
Many of us do not have this habit of thinking on paper and we miss out on the powerful thoughts that could have flown from our minds to the pen to the paper if only we had these tools and used them!
What is your experience? Do share your thoughts here!
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What is your degree of ownership and contribution to a specific cause?

- What is my current ownership to this goal/task?
- How can I contribute, my best, to this goal/task?
We need to ask these questions and raise the degree of our ownership and contribution!
This is a sure fire recipe to a highly successful living!
Try it out and it will change your world forever!
What is your experience? Do share your thoughts here!
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Do you see your world, coloured, through just one pair of goggles?

- Parent goggles
- Business person goggles
- Professional goggles
- Hobbyist goggles
- Fitness goggles
- Recreation goggles
- Spouse goggles
- Leader goggles
- Manager goggles
- Citizen goggles
- Contribution goggles (How can I contribute to the betterment, enhancement, achievement---)
- Family goggles
- Friend goggles
There are many goggles you wear in life. The ones you wear the most, color your world the most; For example, if you wear your professional goggles, it will filter everything out that is not related to your professional life. If you forget to take this goggles off when its utility is done, you will continue to see your world colored through it and you may neglect your other areas of life.
The good news is that you have a choice to select the appropriate goggles you wear! You also have a choice to rotate different goggles you wear, day in day out, so that your life is balanced.
The way you see the world determines the thoughts and the actions you will be taking.
Questions to ask yourself:
What goggles am I wearing right now?
How long have I been wearing them?
Are there other goggles that I should be wearing but I have not worn them for a long time?
A successful life is a balanced life! Use the powerful concept of goggles to have uniform achievement in all areas of your life!
What is your experience? Do share your thoughts here!
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What is the timelag between your goal oriented actions?
What is the time lag between the two set of goal oriented activities ? Have you ever checked that out?
For some people it may be an hour or two, for some it may be minutes, and for a lot of people it may be days or months or even years!
Do this experiment! You may be surprised at the results.
This monitoring may prove to be one of the most important activities you ever have done in your entire life.
The time lag between your goal oriented actions will determine whether you will achieve all the goals in your life!
Think about it!
Do share your experience here.
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Do you speak with people who matter?
Not only did I enjoy the conversation, I also found my mind drawing in some options for solutions to some specific issues I was juggling with.
What is amazing is that neither one of us were directly talking about or discussing the issues in question.
It is important to have a select few individuals with whom you need to talk on a regular basis. You will be surprised at the amount of subliminal inputs you get from them.
Try it out! Do share your experience here.
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How do you treat your senior citizens?
We were searching for some drawing tools for my new hobby; I am learning to draw cartoons.
As we went from one aisle to another, we finally reached the aisle where the stationary items were displayed.
I went half way in and my way was blocked by a man who did not respond to me when I told him, "Excuse me!"; As I moved forward, when I got a chance, I told him to stand aside, as he was blocking the way of others.
My tone was tough, rough, and expressed exasperation. As we continued to search for the items in that aisle, a lady came to me and said that the person, who was blocking the way, was an old man, 72 years old.
She picked up a fight with me and said, "That is not the way to talk to an old man!" I further got irritated and put her in her place!
Later on while reflecting on the incident, I felt that I had committed serious error.
Why did this happen?
Here are the reasons:
- I assumed that the man stood there, blocking the way, on purpose
- I assumed that he did not care for me
- I assumed that he was arrogant
- I did not even look at the man and hence, did not notice that he was old
Here are some more thoughts that came to me while reflecting on the incident:
- May be he was deaf
- May be he had a recent operation and could not move swiftly
- May be his reflexes are slow at his age
- May be he was preoccupied with his worries and did not hear me
- May be he was arrogant
I always thought I was a compassionate person.
I learnt that you can be compassionate only if you are aware!
You can be compassionate only if you observe others and their situation.
You can be compassionate only if you pause and not react blindly to your assumptions.
Another lesson I learnt is that old people are like children. We need to take care of them and ensure that they do not come in the way of others or are not a nuisance others.
We need to be behind them, just as we would be with a small child. We need the compassion and caring to do so!
I decided that never again will I loose my temper because of my assumptions. I also decided to be more aware of others to be more compassionate.
What is your experience? Do share your thoughts here!
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When was the last time you gave courage to someone?
What do you say to such a family that is in shock? It is very important to carefully decide before hand what needs to be told.
This is how we handled it:
- We expressed our shock and sadness to them
- We talked to the close people around that girl, especially the girl's mother
We told her that:
- This is the time for courage.
- This is the time to be tough.
- This is the time to give a lot of courage to your daughter
- This is the time to keep saying that everything will be fine
- This is the time to guard your daughter from every negative thought, every negative people and every negative situation
- This is the time to accept what has happened and to start doing things to cure the disease
- This is the time to fight back at the disease
- This is the time to go to war against the disease
- This is the time to take charge and lead the battle, for your daughter needs you to lead more than any other time in her life
- This is the time to take charge and guide every other family member about the situation
- This is the time to use the wonderful advances in medical science and wage a war
We left her with this thought:
No battle is lost until the last bullet has been fired! Be tough! Be courageous! Be positive! Give your best fight! Trust in doctors after choosing the best ones; More than anything else, trust in God!
We also told her that we will always be with her and her family in this fight!
Trust in God; Do your best;Fight with an attitude to win!
This is what we realized after we gave courage to them!
It is in these kind of situations your family or friends need your support! It is easy to play, have fun, enjoy, when things are going right with them; You need a lot of courage your self to give courage.
When was the last time you gave courage to others? If you have not done so, then it is time to reexamine your values and start giving courage to the needy; More than any gift you can give a human, it is the courage to face the battle of life that will be prized the most!
Do share your experience here!
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Trust in God; Do your best;Fight with an attitude to win!
What we realized after talking to the girl's mother
How to break the chains that bind you?

Examples of chains that bind you:
- Laziness
- Disorganization
- Insensitive nature
- Pleasure centered living
- A bad habit
Here is what you need to do:
- Develop top 5 list of chains that bind you
- Identify one chain that is impeding your progress to the greatest extent
- Use overriding will (see previous post) and break that chain
- Develop strategies to educate your will (see previous post)
- Educate your automatic will
- Take a zero tolerance stand
- Monitor periodically for success
- Reward yourself periodically
- Start with the reward right now ( you have read this post and decided to act on it)-you deserve it!
- Stabilize the change and move on to the next chain
Try this out! Break one chain at a time and set yourself free to soar the skies of achievement!
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Do you know how to use your will?

- The automatic will
- The overriding will
- The educated will
What is an automatic will?
It is your will that has been hijacked by a habit or an external stimulus.
What is an overriding will?
It is the will you use to overcome the tremendous pull a habit or an external stimulus arouses in you to act by using the associated automatic will
What is an educated will?
It is the automatic will associated with a habit or a recurring stimulus that is educated to respond differently
It is important to examine our actions and check which of these wills are acting. Most of the people have their will subordinated by impulses, habits and strong external stimuli.
It is important to use your overriding will and train and educate your automatic will to respond differently.
The more educated will you have the more your life will go in the direction you want it to go.
Example: You have this great urge to smoke. The urge comes from your habit, the stimulus-withdrawal symptoms of nicotine acting upon you, and the external stimulus of your friend offering you a cigarette. Your automatic will overpowers any thought of avoiding to smoke and you yield.
You have two alternatives:
One alternative is to use your overriding will and say no. This requires tremendous energy and your overriding will needs to be strong enough, by constant use, to do so. It will be difficult to use only the overriding will because at some point it may be exhausting to do so.
Another alternative is to use your overriding will and say "NO" and then educate your automatic will to respond differently.
You will decide and teach your automatic will the following:
- Your automatic will be taught to avoid situations that are conducive to smoking
- Your automatic will be taught to say no to your friend, explaining him that you are giving up smoking
- Your automatic will be taught to throw away the cigarette with one puff, even if you yield to smoking
- Your automatic will be taught to substitute cigarette with say coffee or tea
The point I am trying to drive at is that your will need to be educated to deal with the strong pull of a habit or an external stimulus.
The strategies I have provided, with respect to smoking, need not work for you; What you need to do is develop your own strategies to get rid of smoking.
You can apply this powerful approach and set things right in your life. Once you educate your automatic will it will behave differently
Remember: Educated Will + Skill + Educated Will directed environment is the formula for success.
Try it out and do share your experience here.
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Do you read, watch movie or TV indiscriminately?
My father was always cautious and checked the books I read when I was a child.
I read a lot! I have plenty of very good books, however, I have also come across books that do not match my values or they are plain wrong in the stance they take.
The problem with books is that you cannot have a dialogue with the author and disagree with him.
Hence, it is important to be careful while buying books; otherwise you can have an indigestion; So is it with movies or television. To give you an example, there was one frightening movie that I saw as a child that haunted me for a long time
What is your experience? Do share it here.
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Do you know you always have a choice?
Here is a poem that will light your way!
You always have a choice!*
There will be times when things will go wrong, very wrong,
And life will no more be a happy song,
There will be times when you wish you were never born,
And life will gift you a thorn
There will be times when, in sorrow, you drown,
And life will push you down and further down,
It is in these times, you need to stand up, fight,
Fight hard to set things right,
It is in these times, you need to find poems & prose,
And throw the thorn and search for the rose,
It is in these times you need to embrace your strife,
Strive hard and fully live your life,
It is in these times you need to wipe your frown, smile,
And get going and go for the extra mile,
For always, you have a choice, to find your voice,
And use that voice to tell you that you have a choice.
*© Muralidharan Jayaram
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Do you expect to hit a home run every time?

How do you put distance in a relationship?
Here are some very important points to remember:
- You always have a choice to determine what this relationship means to you
- You have the right to choose to keep the relationship or put a distance between you and the person/s in question
- You also have the right to completely cut off the relationship
- Whatever your choice, you need to plan your moves well
Steps to put a distance between you and the person whom you want to put in place:
- Take a decision to continue to respect the person as a human being
- Take a decision you will be polite and never hurt her
- When you meet regulate the natural warmth you feel, if any, for the person (this is more applicable if the person is your close relative-cousin, uncle, aunt---)
- After the initial greeting, talk only if that person talks to you
- Answer to the point, politely, what ever questions the other person asks
- Do not ask any question! The conversation should be a "one way traffic"
- Team up with your spouse or a mutual relative or friend, let her talk to the person as usual so that the contrast is enhanced
- Watch the magical transformation that will happen in the person in question. If the transformation doesn't happen the relationship was not worth in the first place
- Always keep your end of the transactions polite, kind, cold, and distant
These steps above are extremely powerful. Take them ONLY if you have decided, enough is enough, and you want this person to be put in his place once and for all.
There is a better alternative to the above steps which I strongly recommend you try before you take these steps; That is open communication with the individual to tell her the impact of her behavior on you and the feelings her behaviour generates in you. If the person understands and is sincere then she will change. You can negotiate that change.
However, there are some relationships you want to put a distance to because you are sure, for what ever reason, that it is not worth it; It is in these types of relationships, the steps, I have suggested, will work wonders.
The person will take immediate notice of the change in behaviour. He will either approach you because he wants to find the reason and correct the situation or he may get the message and move on.
In either situation, you have the choice either to continue the relationship or maintain it at the cold distance or completely cut it off.
In case the person approaches you to get the relationship warmer, then you need to tell him the reason for the cold distance - the impact of the series of his behaviours and the hurt and bad feelings that the behaviors aroused in you.
It is up to you to define the various relationships you have in life and you need to choose how that relationship should be;Never give up that choice
Try these and do write your experience here.
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Are you monitoring the gradual changes around and within you?
We easily notice the sudden changes. They catch our attention and we need to take action. However, most of us, completely miss the gradual changes that affect us until it becomes so painful that we are unable to ignore them anymore.
Examples
- Gradual loss of hair
- Erosion of trust
- Slow loss of self-control
- Gradual accumulation of clutter
- Gradual gain of weight
- Slow and steady deterioration of a relationship
- Gradual loss of customers
- Gradual erosion of our values
- Gradual move towards becoming redundant
The list an go on.
How do we combat this?
The only way is to be alert and monitor the changes.
Here are a few steps you can take:
- Identify areas in your life that is subject to gradual changes;The list can be very long
- Prioritize the areas you will monitor
- Assess the extent of erosion
- Develop action plan to arrest the erosion
- Develop action plan to reverse the erosion completely, if possible
- Revisit the list periodically
Do it now before it is too late!
Do it before the change attains a critical mass!
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Do you use the power of music to move you?
I could also feel the music arousing in me, the very same moods that the audience were experiencing (I was watching this on television).
At one point, one singer sang a very jubilant and bubbly song with a corresponding jubilant effect on the audience, while the next performer sang a serious, sad, and thought provoking song. The latter singer changed the jubilant audience with just few lines of her song to a sober, silent, thoughtful and even tearful audience.
The transformation was magical and immediate; This set me thinking.
How about using music to change our moods deliberately. I have been neglecting this powerful tool all my life.
Every one of us need a collection of music to change our moods; Now with ipods around, let's put technology and music to proper use.
Just imagine hearing very inspiring music, every day. Just imagine having a menu of music to select from.
I have decided to collect music carefully, the ones that will inspire me, and load them onto my ipod; Here is another idea-How about having different ipods for different moods?
What do you think? D0 you have a collection?
Do share your experience here.
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Why do you feel closer to people you care, when you are about to leave them?
The question:
- Why do you feel closer to people you care, when you are about to leave them?
I was also asked a follow up question:
- Why do you feel closer when you stay apart from people you care about?
These questions set me thinking! I went back in time, to the points in my life where I had to part with people, I deeply cared about; The cause of the parting may have been varied, from mere re-location to losing the person permanently, when they pass away.
Why do we wait for the last moment to feel closer! Is it because we are complacent and take relationships for granted?
How easy it is, for you, to get caught up with life's heavy demands and forget the very people who define your life.
We need not wait till the point where we have to move away from people to feel closer with them.
In fact, you need to take every meeting to a level where you get closer and closer with the people you care about. It does not happen without your active involvement in the relationship.
Every relationship is an eternal celebration!
Think about it! Reach out to the people you love!
Do share your experience here.
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How do you handle betrayal?
My question: How do you handle such betrayal?
Here are some tips:
- You need to protect your interest so that you are not cheated
- You need to voice your feelings of hurt to the ones who betrayed you
- You need to forget and forgive them, more for your well being than theirs;Such an act has therapeutic effect on you
- Maintain distance with them more to protect yourself and your family
- Move on with life. Make new connections and mingle with people who can reciprocate your trust
- Continue to help the ones who betrayed you as before; this may sound crazy but I think we need to keep our end of the equation right
- Teach your children the lesson you learnt
- never gossip about the ones who betrayed you
- Pray for the well being of the ones who betrayed you
I think you do this and you will keep your heart and mind clean, free from the toxic effects of anger, self-pity, and hatred.
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How to move at rapid acceleration to your goals?

- Activities chosen by you, on your own and they are aligned to your goals: 5α
- Activities chosen by others/chance and they are aligned to your goals: 5β
- Activities chosen by others and they are NOT aligned to your goals: 5γ
- Activities chosen by you, on your own and they are NOT aligned to your goals: 5δ
Definition:
It is a "unit of activity" done in 5 minutes that will take you to your goals and these have been chosen by you, on your own. Hence the number "5 "denotes to five minutes of any activity that can be suffixed with either α,β,γ, or δ depending on the nature of the activity, as explained above.
The more you pack your day with 5α activities, the quicker you will reach your goals. It is not possible to avoid 5β activities as we live in an interdependent and collaborative world. However, these activities take you to your goals, anyway, and they need to be included. These activities also build relationships with others when you deliver what you promise to them.
The danger is in the activities 5γ and 5δ as they are no way connected to your goals. The more you pack your minutes with these activities, the more the danger of missing your goals completely.
Look at the picture and you will see different bands of activities over the period of your waking hours, which may be 16-18 hours.
what is the percentage distribution of the various activities? Does your band for today or yesterday resemble the first band or the 4Th band or any of the bands in between.
Draw your band for yesterday or today. How does it look? Are you happy? Are you in control?
Asking these questions and taking remedial steps will have profound impact on the way you live your life! Use this tool regularly!
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Are the activities you choose aligned to your goals?

- Where does your choice fit in?
- How much of "you" is there in every activity you select to act upon?
- Are you acting on the activities chosen by chance or others?
- How many of the activities you chose are aligned to your goals?
- Which quadrant do you fall in most of the time?
The more activities you do that are aligned to your goals, the more the achievement and fun you will have in life.
Think about it carefully!
Monitor your selection of activities!
Live in the quadrants that are aligned to your goals! Use this Choice-goal quadrants to monitor yourself!
Do share in your experience here of using this quadrant.
Stay tuned for future posts where I will share a technique to live in the quadrant, where you are in control and the activities you select always are aligned to your goals majority of the time.
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Do you know how to set up virtuous cycles of action to your advantage?

- Develop an inventory of focus areas where you would like to set up a virtuous cycle of action-Example-exercise, balancing your check book, filing your tax returns, saving money, hobby cycle-photography, ---
- Chose one to focus upon and set a cycle
- Visualize all the fun and benefits you will have if you regularly act on the focus area and set the overall goal to be accomplished regularly
- Visualize all the fun, benefits you will miss and the negative consequences, if any, that will follow, if you do not act upon this focus area
- Decide to enhance the value you place on this activity by keeping this focus area in your awareness, frequently. The frequency will depend on the nature of the activity
- Break the activity into 5 to 10 minutes chunks and set milestones and sub-goals; Go for these chunks
- Sequence these 5 to 10 minutes chunks ,appropriately and logically
- Determine the resources required to accomplish the activity and realign the environment in which the activity takes place in a manner that the resources required for the activity is easily accessible.
- Frequently visualize the negative consequences first and then the positive consequences, to inspire yourself to act
- Act and accomplish the results that were preset for this focus area
- Monitor the resources constantly so that these resources are available for you, when you need them, to feed the action cycle
- Stop the process and move on to set up another virtuous cycle, once the current one has become a habit
Try this and change your life for good one virtuous cycle at a time.
Do share your experience here.
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