Which are the areas in your life where you need to do in depth study?

One cannot know everything about everything. However, there are certain things in our lives that we need to know in depth. Let me give you a sample list to illustrate my point.

List:

1. Matters related to your profession-professional knowledge, trends in your profession --
2. Matters related to the company you work for-policies, competitors, markets, industry trends---
3. Matters related to the various laws of your country - tax laws
4. Matters related to your hobbies
5. Matters related to your education
6. Matters related to your physical fitness
7. Matters related to your child's education

The list can go on.

If you draw up a list you may have very different elements depending on your life's context. You may also find similar elements to the above list, as some of the elements are universal.

Your need to have in depth knowledge in each of these areas will depend on the various situations in your life and the various roles you play. These lists may change as you live your life.

It is important to draw up this list and identify the areas in your life that currently needs in depth study. It is also important to monitor and check this list periodically as many new elements may be added.

Draw up this list immediately! You may be surprised that there are many important elements you need to have in depth knowledge, but have scant knowledge about them.

Your ignorance may be causing you lots of trouble right now or may be building up a potential for trouble for you in the future.

What is the worth of a man? What characteristics do you have in mind while you decide the worth?

Different people have different yardsticks to measure the worth of a man. I am listing some of the common parameters below:

1. Good grooming
2. Good manners
3. Wealth
4. Educational qualifications
5. Social position
6. Power or capacity to wield power
7. Friends
8. City dweller
9. Country they are coming from

It is very important to be aware of the parameters you have in your mind. These criteria might have been developed by yourself or you might have been programmed to use these criteria during your upbringing.

The only criteria for measuring the worth of a person is what is stated below:

He or she is a human being

We quickly judge people by all kinds of invisible yardsticks. The measurement we come up with may interfere with the way we treat them.

We may loose a chance to befriend a true, good person, just because they do not meet the preset criteria in our minds.

The danger is that all this happens, for many of us, unconsciously.

What yardsticks do you use?

Do you make the decision timeline work for you?

Every decision has a decision timeline. There are points on in this timeline that will determine whether we are successful or not.
Please refer to the figure while you read this. Here we have taken as a given that the decision is right and the quality of the decision is good

1. Pre-optimal point-this is a point when we take the decision and act too early. This is ok for some type of decisions, but may be disfunctional for others. Moreover, this decision and the subsequent action may eat into other decisions that should have been taken instead of this decision at the pre-optimal point.


2. Optimal point-This is the right point for that specific decision when taken and acted upon will give us sufficient time and put timliness in our favour. Decisions taken at the optimal point on the decision timeline will enhance the chances of our success


3. Sub-optimal point- This is that point in the decision timeline that will give us less time to act and the quality of our action will be slipshod. We will increase the chance of our failure or perform much below our potential if we continue to act on this point.


4. Failure point-This is that point on the decision timeline where we have missed the bus and we will fail.

Different types of decision will have different decision timelines. For every decision we take, we need to determine the optimal decision point and take the decision and act accordingly. This will help us to take our good quality decisions to success.

Example: You are a student. You want to compete and score high in the GMAT test. The test is one year away. Your optimal decision point for various components of the GMAT test will be different.

For example, you may need to take a decision to start practicing numerical ability tests 6 months prior to the test, as your skills are lower in this area, while other areas may need less number of months.

Numerical Ability test:

Pre-optimal point- 2 years (too early and your practice may not be consistent and the pattern of the test may change)

Optimal point - 6 months

Sub-optimal point - 2 months

Failure point - 1 month

This concept is so simple but it is so violated by a large number of people.

How do you handle the decision timelines for various decisions in your life?

This is a very important question to ponder over.

Do write your comments after using this concept.

What you need to keep in mind before you make a presentation to a client?

I am a consultant. I make lots of presentations to clients all across the world.

Please find below tthe checklist I have prepared to make my presentation effective:

1. Have a detailed talk with the people who invite you for the presentation. You need to find out the purpose and the primary objective of why you are being invited


2. Find out whether the need for your presentation was made by the client himself or it is an intermediary's need


3. Find out the context in which the presentation will be made


4. Find out what is the current situation if a project is going on


5. Find out who are the participants and why they have been invited


6. Check whether you need to meet the CEO seperately before making the presentation


7. Check the quality of the relationship the person who invited you has with the client


8. Try to elicit the trigger words and the taboo words


9. Rehearse your talk


10. Prepare a presentation following all the principles of communication


11. Prepare the presentation afresh, and completly avoid copy and paste


12. Practice your presentation


13. List down the possible queries and develop answers for them


14. Get the list of key people (decision makers) who will be present in the meeting


15. Plan your visit and be punctual.

How do you show you care for your loved ones?

There are different ways people show that they care:

1. A husband tells his wife he loves her.
2. A wife buys a gift for her husband
3. A daughter buys a gift for her mother
4. A son sends a card to his father stating that he is missing him

We often use occasions as props to show that we love and care. Perhaps it is a sign of our times. We get so busy oiling and running the machinery of our lives that we forget to express our love to our loved ones. Our conversations revolve around the mundane-grocery, electricity bills, houshold chores---

I think we need to do both-express our love and care daily and also use special occasions to punctuate the routine by a planned expression of showing our love to our loved ones.

Today, I got fantastic gifts from my wife. She had carefully planned this and put in a lot of effort. I am deeply touched.

I also learnt a very important lesson. We need to seek opportunities to celebrate our love with our loved ones. Along with day to day expression of our love, we also need to invest our time and effort just to show that we care and we love.

This can be done several ways:

1. Plan a party for the person
2. Buy her a gift
3. Take her to a movie
4. Buy him a watch
5. Send her flowers

The list can go on. The point I am driving at is that the more time, effort and planning we put in to delighting our loved ones the more fulfilling all our lives will be.

We need not wait for an occasion to do this. We can pick up a random date and decide to delight our loved ones just for the sake of doing so.

I think we can classify people in different categories:

1. People who forget to express their love day in day out and use occasions as props to express their love
2. People who their express their love day in day out but don't take occasions seriously and miss an opportunity to express their love in a more grand, gala way
3. People who forget to express their love day in day out and don't take occasions seriously either.
4. People who express their love day in day out and also take occasions seriously and turn them into delightful experiences.

My wife belongs to the 4th category. I am learning to get into the 4th category. She is also good at selecting a random date and planning something delightful, either for me or for our daughter.

What about you? To which category do you belong to?

Another question you need to ask yourself is how much time, effort and planning do you invest in delighting your loved ones.

A chain is as strong as its weakest link. What are your weakest links?

I have missed out on doing things that are fun and very beneficial, just because I believe I am not good at it.
Here is a list:

1. I am not good at painting
2. I am not good at striking the first conversation
3. I am not good at sports
4. I am not good at trekking
5. I am not good at networking

I use these statements as excuses for not attempting to start activities around these areas.

It is important to examine these lists. Perhaps, these lists have been handed over to us by others-teachers, friends, peers, bosses---or they have been created none other than ourselves.

Here is an approach to make your weakest link your strongest, if not the strongest, make it as strong as you want it to be.

• Identify an area
• Substitute the statement-example, "I am taking steps right now to make myself good at painting", instead of "I am not good at painting."
• Set a timeline of 6 months with slots of 21 days (It takes 21 days to form a habit)
• Plan to do poorly, initially. It is ok to make mistakes and you have the right and the permission (from yourself) to do so
• Have fun
• Celebrate the effort you put in, not the results.
• Monitor every 21 days of your progress

I am planning to use these steps. What about you? Do you have a similar list?

Try this approach out and do feel free to come to this post and share your experience.

How do you appear to others? What is your "default face"?

This morning, I watched the news on TV and saw a comentator. He was worried or appeared worried. I continued observing people and there appearence while I was at the bank transfering some of the shares I sold and during the hour long commute to the office (Traffic was horrible today).

Each face reflected a different emotion; Some were happy;Some were angry;Some were bored;---

I was feeling quite happy myself, inside and I hope it reflected on my face. All these reflections brought me to this fundamental question:

How do I appear to others? What is my "default face"? Am I approachable?

If our "default face" is anything other than pleasent and approachable it is time to take a look and change it.

How does your "default face" look?

Are you caught in the motivation trap?

Since New Year, I have been challenging this motivation belief in me.

Let me explain the belief:

" I believe that I need to be motivated to do any task. Motivation should come first and then my action."

This is such a limiting belief. I picked this belief from many of the self-help books I have read, from management theories regarding motivation, from my bosses, teachers--- I can keep listing the source of this belief, it is a long one.

This belief was responsible for the internal dialogue in me that prevented me taking important actions when it was required.

Some examples:

I don't feel like exercising

Preparing and submitting the expense statement is so boring

I don't feel like resolving the conflict I had with my colleague

I don't feel like organizing my house

I have started substituting my internal dialogue, by being aware of it and changing it.

Hence, "I don't feel like exercising." was substituted with "Let me begin exercising to feel motivated about it."

It worked remarkably. I exercised everyday since the New Year Resolution and have lost 6 KGs (13.22 pounds).

Here are few more examples of substitution:

Let me begin to prepare and submit the expense statement to drive away boredom and get interested in the activity

Let me begin the first step to resolve the conflict to feel motivated about solving it.

Let me begin organizing the house to get into the feel of the activity and get motivated.

An action has its impact on our perception about it. Though it may not be possible to feel high about every action, we can, however, definitly generate enough feeling, interest and excitement to carry it through.

Try it out! Challenge this limiting belief of motivation! You will get a lot of things done.

The key is to identify the first few steps and begin the task. Your interest and feeling will suddenly appear and follow you through.

Do write your comments after you have tried it out.

Do you use your watch to its fullest potential?

I love watches. I have a good collection of them. I keep changing them every now and then. Recently a thought came to me, as I looked at my complicated watch. Am I using my watch to its fullest potential? I found a strange thing. I am just wearing it as an accessory and I rarely look at my watch even to check the time. My digital diary tells me the time. My laptop tells me the time.

Here are my thoughts on how we can use a watch to its fullest potential:

1. Tell the time (most obvious one)
2. Plan to reach an airport on time. Let me illustrate-If your flight is at 3:00 PM; Need to be at the airport one hour before at 2:00 PM; One hour commute to the airport, so leave at 1:00 PM; One hour for lunch, so start lunch at 12:00 PM ---
3. If your watch has a stop watch, you can estimate the amount of time a repeating task takes; Try to cut down the time for the same task by providing yourself just 30 minutes instead of one hour it usualy takes.
4. If your watch has a countdown feature, you can set a time limit, of say 30 minutes, for a task and try to finish it within the set time limit
5. If your watch has an hourly chime, you can anchor the chime as a reminder for you to get up from your desk and walk to the other end of your office block. This can prevent arthritis in future.
6. You can use an alarm to remind you of any errand you have set;You can shut down the Outlook email that will distract you and check it after 2 hours, by setting an alarm
7. You can use it as a jewelery.

I am sure everyone knows the various uses one can put a watch to. However, most of us take this wonderful gadget for granted.

We wear complicated watches that can tell us the temperature, the direction, the altitude and do many other things, except perhaps cook us a breakfast, in addition to telling us the time in our time zone and perhaps different time zones. How many of us use these features?

Moreover how many of us use the watch for its primary purpose-To help us to be punctual and be more effective?

What about you? How do you use your watch?

Do you seek opportunities to build trust?

Recently one of our colleagues was put on the chopping block. There were a lots of complaints about him from different leaders. There was a discussion about him whether he should be allowed to continue or be asked to quit.

Finally a decision was taken by all of us to give him a second chance. All this happened without his presence. When he called me for some official business, I decided to tell him and warn him that such a discussion had taken place. He was shocked and surprised. He told me that none of the leaders, all of them whom he thought were his good friends, had warned him and appraised him about this incident.

He thanked me profusely and our relationship totally changed. The trust levels went up very high. I was surprised by this incident as I was never close to him and he had never considered me as his friend.

What this incident taught me was that being fare and showing genuine care and concern has a profound impact on relationships. It can turn an ordinary acquaintance to a friend.

While it is not possible to have everyone as our friends, we always have to seek opportunities to show we care. Who knows that person may turn into a good friend of ours?

When was the last time you recognized an opportunity to build trust?

Definitions for using the necklace-treasure chest model* to become highly productive.

Definitions of terms used in the previous two posts:

Simple task:

1. A task that can be done in 5 minutes
2. A task that has not more than two sub tasks

Complex task:

1. A task that will last more than 5 minutes to a 8 hours
2. A task that has multiple steps
3. A task that has action items that need to be done by others

High Benefit

1. Tasks that will take you to your goals
2. Tasks that will help others
3. Tasks that will enhance relationships
4. Tasks that are fun to do

Low Benefit

1. Tasks that does not contribute to reaching your goals
2. Addictive harmful tasks
3. Tasks that are fun to do

*© Muralidharan Jayaram

Discover what pulls you to do useless activities?

Please read the previous post before you read this one - Are you filling your treasure chest with plastic trinkets?---.

Your choice of whether you will do the plastic, zircon, emerald or diamond activities will depend on whether the actiivites are "urgent" or "not urgent".

"Urgent" plastic and zircon activities are distractions that will pull you to focus on them and do them.

"Urgent" emerald and diamond activities usually gets done.

It is the "not urgent" emerald and diamond activities that have a major chance to get neglected.

Keeping this model in our mind will help us to understand why we behave the way we do.

The questions to ask yourself are from two angles;

Is the urgency forcing you to choose the plastic and zircon activities?

Is the lack of urgency causing you to neglect the emerald and diamond activities?

These are very important questions for everyone of us to ponder over.

Are you filling your treasure chest with plastic trinkets? Fill your coffers with 'gems of activities" daily.

At the end of today, every one of us would have done a string of activities. These activities can be broadly classified into the following:

1. Plastic


2. Emerald


3. Zircon


4. Diamond

Please see the figure. It is self explanatory.

At the end of the day, do you have a diamond or a emerald necklace or a zircon necklace or worst, a plastic one.

Be careful of the necklaces you craft everyday, lest the treasure casket of your life be filled with plastic and zircon.

Stay tuned for a future post, where I will define these terms.

So, what necklace are you making right now?

It is a very important question for you to ponder.

What an accident can teach you?

I had an accident, last Monday. The cars in the fast track suddenly stopped and our chauffeur had to jam the brakes. He saved our car from crashing into the car in the front; However, a taxi skidded and hit our car from the behind.

These are the sequence of events that happened after that:

1. I got out of my car and checked the damage done to my car
2. I checked the damage of the taxi that had hit us
3. The taxi driver got out and checked his taxi
4. I took his license number and noted the number of his car
5. We exchanged words while other cars were cursing us for blocking the traffic
6. We had the option of going to the police station, but I chose not to
7. We parted and went our ways

Later on, I checked whether I had any pain in my back; It was just a mild one. As I was thinking about the impact of the accident on myself and my purse, I suddenly realized that I had completely forgotten to ask the driver of the taxi nor my own driver whether they had any injury or hurt.

Both the drivers had got out of the car and stood there arguing. Neither the taxi driver nor my driver had asked me whether I had any hurt or injury, all us were fully focused on our respective cars.

I was ashamed of myself. It is in these situations that our real values come to play. My car was, probably, in a higher position in the value hierarchy than a real living person; Of course, the taxi driver and my own driver had no injuries and if they had one then I would have reacted differently and offered them help.

Nevertheless, the point I am driving at is that all of us and the passersby had no basic courtesy to check whether any party was injured.

Why did all of us, including the passersby, react like this, despite Mumbai being one of the most helpful cities in the world? Is this a sign of our times?

Well, I need to do a soul searching regarding this, for I always thought I had great concern for people.

How about you? How would you react?

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Is the genie in you awake?

There is a genie in you. There is a genie in everyone. Alas! for most of us our genie is fast asleep.

Here are my thoughts on the genie

The Genie*

I saw the child standing there,
With a wary look and a scare,
He saw everyone, here and there,
in the games they played, without a care,

He stood alone and walked alone,
Dropping his tears on many a stone,
What his fears are, did know, no one,
He got no cheers from anyone,

Look my child, you need no one,
Only one friend you need, more than anyone,
That is you my child, you can have the fun,
You can get the success wild, and get the race won,

There is a genie in you, you need to wake,
Wake that genie and it's all a piece of cake,
The genie will help you to move and shake,
embark you on the journey, for you have the world to take,

He moved with courage and was bold,
A lot of things he touched turned to gold,
He had a success, forever to hold,
for what ever he made, got wildly sold,

Now I saw him stand there,
With a smile and not a thing to care,
For the genie was in him, he was always aware,
He also had friends around him, everywhere,

There is that lonely child, don't fail to notice,
She is full of fears and you need to pay your fees,
Awaken the genie in her and put her to ease,
That is the way, your genie, to keep and please.

*© Muralidharan Jayaram

Will generations down the line thank you?

Your actions are determined by your values. Every family hands down its values from one generation to another. In that sense, the values handed over to you, by your parents/guardians or whoever raised you, will have a say whether you succeed or fail. Your upbringing and your family has had tremendous influence on you so far, whether you like it or not.

Good families handover wholesome values that will go a long way in helping its family members to succeed in life.

No matter how good a family you belong to, you will have, definitely, missing strands of values as no family is perfect. Moreover, along with the wholesome values you would have also got the disfunctional ones.

Over and above this, you would have changed your values, mostly unconsciously, living your life so far and hopefully you have changed the dysfunctional values.

Rarely do people examine the values they have inherited. It is a very important activity.

Examine your values and begin to cultivate the wholesome values that are missing. You need to do this not only for yourself but also for your children and rest of the generations to come.

Generations down the line, they will thank you for it.

What are things you need to do that will make you outstanding?

What do you need to do periodically that will make you outstanding?

Here they are:

1. Identifying and challenging assumptions


2. Constant search to do something no one else has done in your field


3. Being alert to changes in your context and situation


4. Being alert to opportunities around you


5. Seeking opportunities in every event and situation


6. Trying to do something new and enjoying it; Learning to enjoy failure if you encounter one
   
7. Creating opportunities for yourself

I am monitoring, periodically, whether I do all these things.

What about you?

Your first subordination analysis

In order to take control of your subordination process (see the previous posts), you need to know the activities you want to subordinate. It will be a good idea to look at your activities landscape systematically. This is a very simple exercise and shouldn't take a lot of time.

Here is what you need to do:

1. Be aware of every activity you do through out the day-make a mental note of the time you spent on it(a rough estimate would do).


2. Mentally scan through the activities at the end of the day and choose one or two activities you feel you can subordinate. The choice is entirely up to you. Search for frequent, fun activities (trivia) such as gossipping over the telephone, reading novels, reading the news paper, watching the TV etc. These activities should be the trivial ones we spend time on and cutting them will not in any way harm us or collapse our world.


3. Make sure that you are not selecting any important, high yielding activity.


4. Map this activity in a similar template shown in the picture


5. Negotiate with yourself the amount of time you will cut. Example-I have cut two hours of my daily TV viewing time.


6. Do this for a typical week of yours.


7. Look at your week and decide which activity you could subordinate.

Calculate the amount of time you will free up if you subordinate the chosen activities.

You can now decide to do those activities, you want to do, which you thought you never had time for!

Try this simple but very powerful tool. It may change your life for ever.

Do write back, through your comments here, of using this tool.

What are the laws of subordination?

It is important to keep in mind the laws of subordination (See the previous post) while changing the landscape of your activities.

First law of subordination:

Activities that are the most fun to do will be the most resistant to subordination

Example-Balancing your check book vs watching a baseball game on TV.

Second law of subordination:

The act of planning activities and conscious subordination work together, in synergy, to produce results

Example-Planning to do your assignment instead of watching Disney channel

Third law of subordination

The balance of indulgence in an activity and the subordination of it needs to be maintained for successful subordination.

Example-You cannot keep missing your Disney channel for ever. You are going to rebel, sooner or later

Fourth law of subordination

Successful subordination releases the time you need for important activities you thought you had no time for

Example-You get time to do your hobby instead of surfing the Internet blindly

Fifth law of subordination

Rotational subordination will ensure your fun activities get a chance to give you fun

Example-you don't get stuck just playing cards, you also paint, go for movies, play your piano --- while you get your important things done too

Keep these laws in mind while planning your activities for the day; Breaking these laws of subordination leads to procrastination and failure.

Stay tuned for further posts on how to successfully subordinate and live a fun filled, productive life.

Do you make the "principle of subordination" work for you?

What is the principle of subordination?

Every activity happens at the expense of another. One activity, thus, subordinates another in a finite continuum of time.

Let's say you come back home from work every day at 8:00 PM and watch TV from 8:30 PM to 10:00 PM, every day. One day, you suddenly realize the dire need for exercising; so you come back home and go for a walk, along with your spouse, for an hour and get back home at 9:30 PM. You have, automatically, subordinated the activity of watching TV.

Your ability to continue exercising will depend on the tug of war between these two activities. Let's assume that you succeed in sticking to exercising, instead of watching TV, will that mean that you will reduce or totally stop watching TV. I don't think so.

Your TV watching may subordinate your activity of sleeping and may erode into your sleep time. Does that mean you will sleep less? May be or may not be, as you may sleep late and subordination is carried forward till it finds a nice, high priority area on to which it can settle down, finally.

The problem is, for most of us, this happens automatically and unconsciously. This is dangerous because you may subordinate important activities like sleep, family time, work ---

The more you are in control of the process of subordination, the more fulfilled your life will be.

How do you subordinate effectively? Well! that is for another post.

Meanwhile, you can begin to examine and identify important high priority activities that are getting subordinated by relatively low yielding activities.

Stay tuned in, for more, in the future posts.